I balled my hands into fists and felt my shoulders tense up. I’d wanted to clear the air, and he’d turned things around…and forced me to stare into those eyes again. Oh my God, you could get lost in them. No wonder I’d lost control. All at once, I found myself wanting the kiss to happen again. I wanted to take him in my arms. I dreamed of running my hands down his back and squeezing his ass. Thoughts of lifting his shirt over his head and baring his muscular chest sneaked into my mind. I couldn’t stop those desires no matter how hard I tried.
When I snapped out of it, I realized those feelings seemed to grow stronger when I was mad at him. The angrier I grew, the more I wanted to kiss him. I couldn’t afford to lose my cool now.
Erik started walking again and I snatched his wrist, anchoring him before me. He tore himself away from me. I looked into his eyes again and then forced myself to look away.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked.
“You’re not leaving until I say you can go.”
Or until I’d rewritten history and we both understood that the kiss had never happened. He eyed me with disgust and headed for class. I didn’t try to catch up with him. I’d already created a ginormous mess for myself because I’d demanded answers from him.
“It’s never going to happen again,” I called out to him. “You got that?”
He didn’t turn back to me.
You lost control…
None of this would’ve happened had I kept my cool. That meant I couldn’t lose control of myself again. I had to fight those urges with every fiber of my being. I watched Erik trekdown the hall to class, and my eyes fell shut. Yeah, I’d made my position clear, even if he hadn’t heard my last remark, but I felt dissatisfied. At that point, did it even matter who got the last word?
11
ERIK
Ican’t lie to you. When Kayden approached me on campus, I wanted to flee. Okay, I wanted to talk about what’d happened between us, even if he’d acted like the stubborn mule he was. He’d caught me off guard, and I needed to gather my thoughts and face him on my own terms. When he followed me down the hall, I found myself thinking that much more about the kiss, his tongue in my mouth, and his arms around me. Until his lips met mine, I’d been Mister Cool, the King of Rational Thinking, and I’d gone and lost my head. If I allowed these feelings to throttle me, it would happen again.
Until that moment, I’d been completely straight. At least, I’d never had a reason to think I was anything but. I’d had a girlfriend back home for most of high school. We were really into each other but broke up during our senior year. That hurt, but not nearly enough to make me ditch girls and start lusting after guys.
Besides, I hadn’t looked at every guy I saw the way I gawked at Kayden. I didn’t check out guys on treadmills at the gym. My eyes didn’t wander to all the hot guys on campus. I’d started thinking about Kayden Preston. Trust me, if I’d had any say, Iwouldn’t have looked at him that way either. He would’ve stayed on the back burner, an afterthought, a moron who couldn’t control his emotions to save his life. If I were gay, he would be totally beneath me and not worth a second of my time.
After that last confrontation, I’d thought it over some more. I realized it didn’t matter that Kayden was the only guy I’d ever appreciated. The fact that I’d noticed anything at all had to mean something, and I couldn’t ignore the signs.
Kayden hadn’t said anything more about it, but that came as no surprise. After all, that was Kayden. He’d avoided me when I’d attended practice while still recovering. That was Kayden too. You should know by now that I hate leaving loose ends and couldn’t let this issue dangle.
When my first practice back rolled around, I readied myself for trouble. I don’t mean that Kayden would hassle me either. My eyes followed him the entire time. I couldn’t keep up because I’d thought about him nonstop. Oh sure, my teammates chalked my sluggish play up to recovery, but I knew the real reason.
I’ll admit that I avoided discussing this with Kayden before. We were in public when he stopped me for crying out loud. Seeing him again made all those feelings rush back. My thoughts about him intensified, and I knew I couldn’t avoid them forever.
Butterflies swarmed my stomach the moment I decided to approach him. I would’ve given anything to avoid it, but I knew problems didn’t just solve themselves.
I waited for the rest of the team to file out after practice, understanding this exact scenario had gotten us in trouble the first time. That didn’t matter. We had a boatload of things to iron out.
I stood back and watched him at his locker—mylocker, technically—and watched him comb his hair. Normally my nerves didn’t get the best of me, but I’d never gotten caught up with a guy like this before.
Kayden closed the locker door, turned, and saw me waiting for him. He slung his bag over his shoulder and stepped past me toward the door. No one ever said he was smooth.
“Freeze.” I used my most authoritative voice.
He stopped and half-smiled, as if to mock my attempt at taking charge.
Why he smiled didn’t matter. He flashed those dimples again, driving me crazy. If I’d felt nervous before, I would become a wreck before this was over.
“What?” he asked.
“We’ve got to talk.”
He stomped back toward the center of the locker room, dropped his bag on a nearby bench, and crossed his arms. This conversation had started perfectly, all right.
“I bet I can guess what you want to talk about,” he said.
