Brian’s brows furrowed. “A panic attack. Why?” He was standing directly in front of her now. His hair was disheveled as if he had run his fingers through it numerous times. She felt bad because she knew it was a result of worrying about her.
“I need to tell you something.”
His eyes widened, and worry flickered in their green depths.
“Come sit.” She patted the space beside her. Brian walked over and sat beside her. She opened her mouth a few times and shut it as she tried to get the words out. The feeling of warmth covering the back of her hand caused her to look over and be caught in his probing gaze. Her heart skipped a beat to be so close to him and be caught in his gaze again.
“I can’t have children,” flew through her lips.
Brian blinked, stunned. “What?” he asked, just above a whisper.
“I can’t have children, Brian,” she repeated. She bit her lips as she blinked back her tears.
He stared at her unblinking, a myriad of emotions swimming in his eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked after a beat.
Erin nodded and looked away. Her shoulders slouched as she released a heavy breath. Her eyes shut tight as she fought against the tears stinging them, and her lips quivered. “The doctor says I have premature ovarian insufficiency, which means my eggs aren’t viable for fertilization,” she breathed out.
“Did you get a second opinion?” he asked after a short stint of silence.
“No, I didn’t,” she answered. “The tests were pretty straightforward. I didn’t think it would make a difference if I saw another specialist, and I didn’t want to go through the process again only to be disappointed. It would have broken me.” She sighed.
“How long have you known?” Brian asked.
Her eyes blinked open, and an errant tear slipped down her cheek. “I’ve known for over a year,” she answered.
Again, silence reigned. She turned her head to see Brian's brows furrowed, his face set in concentration as the wheels in his head turned.
“You knew before we broke up,” he concluded. His head swung in her direction, and she was once again caught in his green gaze.
Erin swallowed thickly as more tears flowed down her cheeks. She nodded slowly to confirm what he’d already figured out.
Brian’s eyes glossed over with hurt, and he slowly turned his head until their gazes were no longer linked. “Why…why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his voice hoarse from his emotions.
Erin gulped back a sob. “I was scared, and I was ashamed. I just knew the minute I told you, everything would change. You wouldn’t look at me the way you used to, and I would live the rest of my life wondering if you ever wanted to be with me or if you were with me out of obligation.” She looked down at her hands in her lap as she wrung them together.
“Hey, hey. Nothing in this world could ever make me love you less,” Brian said seriously, turning his torso toward Erin to hold her face between his palms as he stared into her eyes. “I love you for who you are, Erin. That will never change,” he spoke genuinely. “If we can’t have children, that’s fine. Then we can’t have children. I just want you.”
Erin’s tears flowed faster. She reached up to wipe furiously at the moisture teeming at the corners of her eyes. “I still can’t be with you,” she stated lowly, her head bowed.
“But I love you, Erin. Shouldn’t that be enough?” Brian pleaded.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I-I-I can’t,” Erin sobbed. She jerked her head away from him and buried her face in her palms. “I can’t bear the thought of you resenting me later on when it finally sets in that I can’t give you what you truly desire. It’s better this way.”
Erin lifted her head when she felt Brian rise from the bed. She looked up to see him pacing the small space.
“How can you ever think that I would ever resent you, Erin? You are my life. I love you so much that it hurts not to be with you,” he expressed, his voice straining with despair and his eyes swimming with pain.
“It happened to my mom and dad,” she said softly.
Brian rushed to her at that moment and took her hands in his as he kneeled before the bed. “I am not your father, Erin. I would never do that to you.”His glistening eyes begged for understanding. “Please, just give this another chance.”
Erin slowly removed her hands from his and turned her head to the side, afraid that if she continued to look into his eyes, she would cave. She couldn’t. That wouldn’t be good for either of them. “I’m sorry, Brian. I can’t. Please go,” she spoke with as much steel as she could muster. As the seconds continued to pass, there was a hush that descended upon the room. Erin could hear the fast hammering of her heart and every swallow of saliva in her ear. After what felt like minutes instead of seconds, there was finally shuffling as Brian stood to his feet, and the sound of his footsteps carried toward the door. When she heard the soft click of the lock, she turned her head to look at the barrier separating her from the only man, aside from her father, that she’d ever loved and released a guttural sob as a deluge of tears streamed down her face.
A few minutes later, the doctor and her mother re-entered the room.
“Miss Avlon, you’re free to go. I am not prescribing any more medication for you, but I do advise you to take the ones you were already prescribed and get some rest. Rest is very important. Please don’t overdo it.”
“I won’t. Thank you.” Erin grinned. She could feel her mother’s gaze of scrutiny, but she chose not to look in her direction. When the doctor left them again, she finally turned to see her mother with an expression of worry.
