“You didn’t, Mom.” Erin shook her head vehemently. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just thought I could manage it on my own.”
“You never have to manage anything on your own because I will always be there for you,” Cora expressed, running her palm against her daughter’s cheek.
Overwhelmed with emotions, Erin reached over to hug her mother, who brought her tightly against her chest. She breathed, relieved to get it off her chest.
“There’s something else that I haven’t told you. It’s the reason I broke up with Brian too,” she informed Cora when they separated.
“Go on.” Cora nodded in approval.
Erin took a deep breath and then blurted, “I found out that I’ll never be able to have children.”
ChapterSeventeen
“How do you know that?” Cora asked, clutching her chest.
“My gynecologist did the tests, and I was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency,” Erin answered.
“What does that mean?” Cora asked.
“It means I am not producing enough viable eggs for fertilization. It means I’m infertile,” Erin responded as the tears flowed, blurring her vision.
Cora stood from her chair and sat on the examination table with her daughter. She gently brought Erin’s head to rest in her lap as she continued to tear up.
Erin finally being able to say it out loud to someone other than her doctor made it more real to her, and as her heart felt as if it was going to break in two, she let out a guttural cry. "I can't have children," she repeated over and over, her sobs becoming even more audible, "I can't have...children."
Cora ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair from root to tip repeatedly, as she used to do when Erin was a child because it always soothed her. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I wish I could bear this for you because I gladly would,” she spoke comfortingly.
When her tears finally subsided, she raised her head from her mother’s lap. Cora raised her hand to her face and used the pads of her thumbs to gently remove any leftover tears from her eyes. Erin's hand rested on top of her mother's while she smiled affectionately at her, and Cora returned her smile.
“Does Brian know about your condition?”
Erin’s hand dropped to her side, and her gaze averted. “You’re the first person I’ve told about my diagnosis,” she revealed.
There was a prolonged silence before Cora finally asked, “Are you going to tell him?”
Erin jerked her head no. “I can’t. It’ll devastate him.” She felt her mother’s hand on her shoulder, and she turned her head to see her mother staring at her, worry lines at the corners of her eyes and mouth.
“Erin, if this is the reason you broke up with him, he needs to know,” Cora said seriously.
“It’s part of the reason,” she spoke lowly, her eyes shuttering as she took a deep breath and released it. She opened her eyes and then stared across the room at the anatomic structure poster on the wall. “After what Dad did, I kept thinking that this could happen to us because we’d become so comfortable around each other, and Brian has been the only guy I’ve ever dated. I was afraid of being stuck,” she explained, wringing her hands. She looked back at her mother, who gave her a sole nod to continue. “When I got the results, it felt like I’d gotten a confirmation that we shouldn’t be together.” Her shoulders sagged as she extended her neck and lifted her head skyward as her eyelids covered her eyes.
“Erin, that man loves you, and I know you still love him. What happened between your father and you should not have any bearing on your relationship with Brian. I understand that you’re scared, but you need to tell him. You owe him at least that. You have to give him the choice to choose, Erin.”
Erin turned to look at her mother once more, fear swimming in her blue eyes. “I’m scared, Mom,” she whispered.
Cora bundled her daughter into her arms and kissed the top of her head reassuringly. “You’re strong and brave. I know you are, and no matter what happens, I will always be there for you. Always.”
At the knock at the door, the two separated and turned their attention to the person standing there. Erin’s eyes widened in surprise at Brian standing there.
“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Cora patted Erin’s leg and rose from the bed. When she got to the door, she lightly touched Brian’s arm, offering him an encouraging smile before leaving.
Brian’s gaze sought Erin the moment the lock clicked in place. “How are you?” he asked after a moment of silence.
Erin’s lips rose slightly. “I’m okay now.”
His shoulder’s relaxed a bit as he neared the bed. “I was going out of my mind with worry. I don’t know what I would do if you…” Brian shook his head, and his palms tightened into fists as he swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple rolling with the action.
“I’m okay. I promise,” she repeated, trying to reassure him. “I just had a panic attack.”
