I roll my eyes. “Oh, gee, thanks. That’ssomuch better.”
Jonas laughs. “I was just fucking with you—although that’s all true, just to be clear.” He laughs to himself for a good long minute. “Okay. The bottom line is that I’d rather be with Sarah than anywhere else in the world. I’d go to fucking IKEA with her if it meant being with her.”
My skin suddenly erupts with goose bumps. “Wish you were here,”Kat’s napkin said—and what thought popped into my head when I saw it? “So do I.”
Jonas exhales loudly. “It’s just so easy with Sarah. I’mcompletelymyself with her, you know? I never have to worry I’m saying the wrong thing. I’ve shown her everything—good, bad, ugly, silly, crazy, creepy—and she accepts it all. And she’skind.And nonjudgmental.” He sighs happily. “And sosmart.”
“So you told her everything?” I ask.
“Everything. Absolutely nothing left out. And, hey, that’s reason enough right there to marry the girl. I only wanna do that shit once, man. Baring your entire soul to another person is fucking exhausting.”
All of a sudden, I’m thinking about how Kat led me into her bed after reading my application and then fell asleep in my arms.
“I dunno, Josh—I justknow,” Jonas continues. “It’s really not all that complicated. For once in my life, it’s not about what I think—it’s about what I feel.I’ll never want anyone besides Sarah, ever, ’til the end of time, and I’m sure of it. It’s literally impossible for me to want someone else. Sarah’s the divine original form of woman-ness. She’s the ideal form of beauty—the pinnacle of perfection that all other women aspire to—the goddess and the muse—so what the fuck else could I possibly want?”
“Shit, I was totally with you until that last bit. ‘The goddess and muse,’ Jonas? Come on, man. What does that shit even mean?”
He shrugs. “If you don’t understand it, then I can’t explain it to you.”
“Jonas,” I say, “I’m serious, man. Please, just break it down for me. If you had to pick one thing that makes you know for sure Sarah’s The One, what would it be? Not ‘goddess and muse’ shit, but, like, something tangible? Something concrete?”
“I can’t pick only one thing. It’d be impossible.”
I continue to look at him earnestly.
“But, okay, I’ll try my best to dumb it down for you, Josh-Faraday style.”
“Thank you. Not everyone’s a fucking genius about relationships like the wise and powerful Jonas Faraday.”
Jonas smiles and his eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “Sarah Cruz,the goddess and the muse”—he flashes me a snarky look—“makes me laugh like no other woman ever has—like no otherpersonever has, evenyou. She laughs at almost all of my jokes, even the really lame ones—and she’s being totally sincere when she does.” He smiles and his white teeth gleam in the moonlight. “Looking at that woman gives me a boner the size of the Space Needle, even when she’s just sitting there reading one of her law books and scrunching up her nose.” I can see his face suddenly light up, even in the dim light. “And on top of all that, sex with her is akin to a religious experience.” He lets out a happy sigh. “If a guy needs more than all that to be eternally happy with one woman, then he’s either crazier than me or just a greedy-ass motherfucker.”
As if on cue, the door behind us opens and Sarah appears.
“Hey, boys,” Sarah says.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hi, Sarah Cruz,” I say.
“Hola,Josh Faraday.”
She sits on Jonas’ lap and throws her arms around his neck. “I had to come find you.” She kisses his cheek. “I started to feel lonely.”
“Oh no. You were feeling lonely, baby?”
“Mmm hmm.” She kisses his lips.
Jonas puts down his beer and stands, holding Sarah in his arms like he’s about to cross a threshold with his bride. “Well, I know exactly what to do to cure my baby’s loneliness. See you in the morning, Josh. Nice chatting with you.”
With that, Jonas is gone, taking the woman of his dreams with him.
I return my gaze to the slow-moving lights on the dark river in the distance, a certain loneliness I’m well acquainted with descending upon me. Almost immediately, my thoughts turn to Kat. To the awesome photos she sent me from Las Vegas. To the way she fellasleep in my arms after reading my application. To the way she laughs like a dude—and fucks like one, too. To the long list of porno-fantasies she shared with me last night after we got back from our night out with Henn and Hannah. To the way she stomped down that hallway, soaking wet in her G-string, after Reed’s party. To the way she kicked ass in each and every one of those banks. To the way she called me “babe” in front of Henn after he woke us up.
I take a long swig of my beer and stare at the dark river, Jonas’ words echoing in my head:If a guy needs more than all that to be eternally happy with one woman, then he’s either crazier than me or just a greedy-ass motherfucker.
17
KAT
