“Well, I’m gonna pass on getting stabbed, thank you very much. But how about this as an ‘intervening external force’: Josh is meeting my family on Saturday night.”
Sarah squeals. “No way. Really? You’re sicking the Morgan clan on the guy? Holy hell, now that’s a frickin’ ‘intervening external force’ every bit as powerful as a hitman in a bathroom. Holy hell, the guy doesn’t stand a chance coming out of that night all in one piece. By the end of the night, he’ll be like, ‘Just tell me what you want me to say! Please! I’m sorry!’”
I laugh. “I know, right?”
Sarah looks thoughtful for a minute. “You know, I really wouldn’t get too hung up on expecting Josh to say certain words or make conventional promises to you. If Josh is anything like his brother, then he’s way more fucked up than you even realize. I think their childhood was just utterly crippling in a way we can’t completely understand. I’ve got my own issues, for sure, as you know, and theypalein comparison to what Jonas has had to overcome in his life.”
A vision of Josh’s “overcome” tattoo suddenly leaps into my mind.
“Even with all my fucked up stuff, I always had my mom, teaching me how to love,” Sarah continues. “Who did Jonas and Josh have? I don’t think either of them has ever learned the first thing about how to express emotion or love in a healthy way. They literally don’t know how to love or be loved.”
I process that for a moment. “When we were talking about my mom, he said, ‘I’ve never actually witnessed a wife roaming in its natural habitat.’”
Sarah laughs. “Josh said that?”
I nod.
“Poor Josh.” Sarah touches her platinum bracelet again. “Same with Jonas. He doesn’t understand conventional, fairytale commitment. We never talk about the future or make any long-term plans. He’s just notcapable.He’ll never, you know, ask me to marry him or anything like that—and I totally accept that.”
I can barely keep a straight face.
“I just take what I can get in the here and now and that’s enough for me. But I trust him with my life and I’ve learned to just let go andenjoy what we have. Jonas has already promised me forever the way he knows how,” Sarah continues. “He gave me this engraved bracelet and he’s got a matching one—and he got tattoos in my honor—one in Spanish and one in English.” She chokes up. “The most beautiful and poignant words you ever saw.” Her eyes are brimming with tears. “And that’s enough for me. More than enough.” She wipes her eyes and smiles.
I squeeze Sarah’s hand, smiling to myself. Of all the tattoos I babbled off-the-cuff about being “lame” and “prohibited” to Josh, the “girlfriend” tattoo is by far the one I regret the most. It’s absolutely awesome—whether the relationship winds up working out long-term or not. I was such a fool. “You can’t get much more ‘forever’ than a guy getting a tattoo for you,” I say. “Florebblaaaaaah,” I add.
“Floreblaaaaaah?” Sarah asks.
“That’s as close as Josh comes to saying that word.”
Sarah laughs and wipes her tears again. “Maybe you can just decide to ‘hear’ what Josh is telling you with his actions, and not get too bogged down in needing particular words or assurances?” she suggests. “Maybe he’ll never give them to you, Kitty Kat. Maybe he justcan’t.” She wipes her eyes again. “I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, anyway. And from what I can see, Josh has been screaming about his feelings for you from the rooftops.”
“Thank you, Sarah.” I exhale. “You’re right. I’ll do my best to just be happy about right now and not look forward. Unfortunately, I’m not nearly as patient or kind as you are.”
“Well, you might not be aspatientas me but—”
“I’m not.”
Sarah laughs. “But you’re every bit as kind. You’ve got a heart of gold, my sweet. Just tap into that golden heart and cut Josh a bit of slack. He’s damaged, you know—just totally fucked up—but he’s also a sweetheart. Just listen to his actions and forget about ever hearing the words. He’s a freaking Faraday, after all. Normal rules don’t apply.”
My cheeks flush. “Thanks, Sarah.”
We stare at each other for a moment, smiling.
“So, I gotta know,” Sarah finally says. “What theeffwas the dealio with tonight? Jonas left, saying he was taking you for drinksbecause Josh wanted to act out an imaginary-porno with you? What the fuck?”
I blush. “That’s how Jonas described it?”
“Yeah. I was studying so I was like, ‘Have fun, dear.’ And then after he left, I looked up from my book and I was like, ‘Wait. Did I just hear that right?’”
I laugh. “Yeah, Josh and I like to get a little freaky-deaky. But don’t worry, Jonas was just our ignorant pawn—an unwitting extra in our movie. No Jonas Faradays were harmed in the making of our imaginary porno.”
“So what was the plot of this imaginary porno? And what was Jonas’ part in it, if you don’t mind me asking? Did he ‘come to fix the kitchen sink’ wearing a huge tool belt?”
I giggle. “No. Jonas’ part wasveryG-rated, I assure you.”
“You’re making me very intrigued—and very uncomfortable.”
“No, I swear. It was harmless.” I laugh. “I have this fantasy—well, Ihadthis fantasy—I’ve now officially checked it off the list—that I’m on a date with some boring guy, like, you know, a guy I met online namedBlaneor whatever, and—”
