“I can’t just want to see my son? Have I not earned that after all this time? Or do I truly have to lose both of you forever?”
I sighed. “You didn’t do much to keep us. Not me and definitely not Mar.”
“That’s why I’m here,” she said as she clasped her hands around the ceramic mug. “Augustus, your father is selling the company.”
I tried my damnedest not to react, but I’m pretty sure I choked a little. “What’s that have to do with me?”
Everything. My parents' company had everything to do with me, and not just because it was a part of my childhood. But because I started working there in a sense from as soon as I could solve complex formulas. Starting with kids programs after school, then going into mentorships and finally working independently even before going to college. Mar too. Education was important to my parents, and it was also important that education be applied frequently. They’d never shied us away from tinkering, exploring, or experimenting. Which is how we’d gotten so ingrained in the business in the first place, going so far as to having our own products and ideas put into production.
Selling such relics of our childhood felt surreal, but also, I’d left it a long time ago. So it was no longer any of my business.
“It has more to do with her,” she said. My eyes flickered up with interest, unable to stop myself from listening when it had to do with my sister. “I know you gave your shares away to her, Auggie. And I understand why. I know you did it because you wanted her to have some control to come back to if she ever wanted to, but it’s not going to make a difference if it’s all gone. It’ll all be for nothing.”
“What will?”
“Staying in business in the first place!” She snapped. “Do you honestly believe we’ve stayed in a business that pushed your sister to run away because it’s something we can be proud of? It’s a reminder every single day of the things we lost. Of our biggest mistakes. I wished we could give it up the second we realized that it stole her, but we couldn’t. Not when she could need somewhere to come back to one day. And now he wants to throw all those years of work and waiting away just because he’s tired!”
“I try not to think about it at all, Mom,” I said, though my thoughts were reeling. Shocked that they had thought to leave something familiar for Mar to come back to. I understood, I’d done the same thing.
“Well, it’s all I think about,” she said. “How to redo that day. How to make up for it. How to get her back.”
I shuddered, everything she was saying brought up the worst memories. Memories of coming home to find Mom crying and Dad on the couch with his head in his hands. Memories of tearing up the stairs and thinking I would find Mar dead or broken but finding her gone instead. Finding out what our own hand in this actually was. How we pushed Mar away when she needed us to pull her closer, basically inviting her to run away.
Memories that made me sick, and I refused to reopen after having them tucked away for so long. It wasn’t that I was running from them, I was just tired of reliving things that wouldn’t change.
The fact of the matter was, Mar had left ten years ago. Ten years without a trace. She wasn’t coming back, at least not home. It had taken me a long time to wrap my head around it, but when I did I’d moved on. It was probably time that Mom and Dad did too.
Slowly, I pushed the thoughts away, burying them deep where they belonged. Right alongside hope that anything would come of our efforts, even including my own sorry attempts. “So, what are you expecting me to do here?”
“Talk to your father. He’ll listen to you and maybe?—”
“Absolutely not.”
“Augustus—”
“No, Mom. I’m talking to you because you’re here and you’re you. But I’m not going to talk to him. He made it clear the last time we spoke that my voice wasn’t needed.” I said. “I can only imagine what he said to Mar to make her want to leave.”
“It isn’t your father’s fault she left.”
“Agree to disagree.”
“He did his best in that situation, Augustus. How were we to know that it would trigger… this. How could we have known?”
“You could have stood up for your daughter. Protected her. Took her side. I would’ve if I was there.”
“Auggie, just talk to Dad. I think you two would agree on a lot more than you?—”
“I said no. I have nothing to say to him.” I said. “Just like he had not a care in the fucking world when his daughter was hurting and felt so alone that she decided that leaving would be better than staying another day with you…us.”
She whimpered. “When did you get so stubborn?”
I sighed. I hated that voice. It was her hurt voice.
“Dad’s right, Mom. You should just sell it,” I said, trying to sound gentler. “If it’s so much of a hardship, just let it go. It’s been long enough.”
She shook her head, but it was soft. Defeated almost. “I don’t think we should. I think she’ll need it one day.”
“She left, Mom. It should be easier to wrap your head around now than it was back then. She left because we failed her. We didn’t stand by her when she needed us. We dropped the ball and Mar’s never been shy about her decisions. She didn’t trust us anymore. So she left, and either we were bad enough or her new life is good enough that she hasn’t come back. It’s time to face the music.”
