I hate to say that I put special effort into my appearance knowing I’d see Lorcan again for the first time in months, but I did. I have my vanity. I’ve always dressed in hopes he’d actually fucking notice me for once, and old habits die hard.
Doesn’t help that I’m jittery at the thought of seeing him again, and unsure how to deliver my news to Tovian. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. But if there was any question of trying to renew a romantic relationship with Lorcan, my pregnancy puts it to rest, permanently.
I can’t imagine my family is going to take the news well, never mind Tovian’s. Brenica is furious with me for embroiling her people in a war and exposing their tribe’s existence to the world. Will he want to come with me to live at River Bend? Or will he ask me to abdicate leadership in my tribe and stay with him here?
It would be so much easier to take a tea and evade these difficult questions, but I’m sick and tired of all the death and loss. I’m keeping this baby, even though it’s not the best timing.
I therefore dress for maximum impact, boobs on display on in a red dragonskin halter that’s little more than two pieces crisscrossed around my neck and tied behind my back, leaving my newly defined midriff on display. A curtain of glossy obsidian hair falls down my back. Months of daily exertion have honed my body into the best shape I’ve ever been in, even when I was swimming competitively. Can’t help that I’m short–petite if you want to be polite about it–but I have great tits and legs, and my butt has never looked better.
You bet I’m going to flaunt it in Lorcan’s face. He missed out. All this gorgeousness is Tovian’s now.
Also, given my newfound pregnancy, it’s probably the last time I’ll ever look this good. Might as well make the most of it.
My gambit works a little too well.
A murmur carries up the spiraling hive of rooms cut into the stone walls. I pause before stepping out of Tovian’s quarters, where I’ve been primping to kill time waiting for their arrival, and try to summon my best princess reserve.
I spot them immediately. Two men of roughly equal height, one with a messy mop of dirty blond hair, the other with short black twists like a natural crown, crossing the stone bridge into the center of the Ansi village. They move with lethal ease through the gathering crowd.
I almost can’t believe it. Lorcan’s back. Seeing him in person is proof that everything will be okay. He’s the symbol of the Auralian monarchy, the princess’ personal guard. He’ll find Zosia. Order will be restored. We can all go back to our ordinary lives. The country will thrive for another five thousand years, gods willing.
Lorcan glances up, and my fantasy crumbles into dust.
He looksravaged.Haunted. Barely-banked rage simmers in those once-unreadable blue eyes. Anger gives way to a knowing gleam of lust as his gaze skims down my body, then back up.
My steps falter. A tendril of smoke stings tears from my eyes.
I never thought I’d like it better when I couldn’t read his thoughts.
Gods, though, this is cruel.
For years, I’d have given anything to have Lorcan look at me the way he is right now. All that focus and attention directed solely at me, as though I’m the only woman in the world. The only one he has eyes for.
Me.
The center of his fucked-up world. Now that I have Lorcan’s attention, I’m repulsed by it.
I don’t want him to look at me like this, because it means there is no going back to what we were before. Any of us.
I can’t live with the fact that I cost my friends the only chance they were ever going to have to be together with my selfish interference. Yeah, I sort of stood down at the end, but it was too late. They hid to spare my feelings. Until that last night together, all our truths spilled out.
Lorcan isn’t that man anymore. He might have survived, but the man I knew then hasn’t come back.
Old Lorcan barely looked at me no matter what I wore.
The way he looks at me now is so fucking unnerving that I break eye contact, wishing I’d chosen to wear a burlap sack instead of this intentionally sexy outfit.
I paste a huge smile on my face and brush right past Lorcan. I throw myself into Tovian’s arms, anchoring him to me for a kiss. I need reassurance. I need to know that it’ll be okay.
He, too, looks at me with lustful appreciation—and a hint of worry.
“You okay, Sunshine?” Tovian asks softly. “You’re trembling.”
“I will be,” I lie. “Relieved you’re both home, alive.”
My slip of the tongue has an instantaneous effect. Tovian wants my whole attention the same way I used to crave Lorcan’s. I didn’t give him that. It’s subtle, but I feel his disappointment in the slight tensing of his shoulders. My heart aches. I wish I could take it back.
I press my lips to his in a claiming kiss, trying to reverse course and show him how much I missed him. It almost works. One hand drifts down to my ass, the other tangles in my hair, high on my back. When we break contact, my heart is hammering.
