“I keep worrying that I can’t fit in with your friends.”
“Tovi. My friendsadoreyou.” Well, Saskaya does. Sort of. She likes to think of herself as a good judge of character, and tends to make snap judgments about people. She took to Tovian right away, not that it stops her from being just as grouchy with him as she is with everyone else.
“Your father doesn’t.”
“He’s not my friend.”
“No, he’s your family. That’s even worse.”
I sigh. “Name one father who’s thrilled to meet his daughter’s first boyfriend.”
“First boyfriend?” Tovian echoes, incredulous.
“Yes, my first boyfriend! I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. This has moved quickly. We only met last summer.”
“I didn’t think we were moving quickly.”
Okay, six months wouldn’t be moving quickly under most circumstance, but we’ve been forced to spend so much time apart. Time is weird during a war. “Well, I do.”
“I know you only made that comment to defuse an awkward situation,” he says after a beat of silence. “I just want to know where we stand.”
“We’re exclusive. We’re hoping to get married at some point? I think?” I can barely say the words. If we do, one of us will have to leave their tribe behind. Brenica may welcome me as a daughter-in-law, but I’ll always be an outsider among the Ansi. Plus, I’d have to give up my claim to the Myseci throne.
The same goes for Tovian. He’d have to leave his people, his culture, and his family behind.
I slump wearily.
There’s no blending. Not with the Ansi as recalcitrant as they are and my people as wedded to tradition as they are. No matter which way you look at it, us being together requires a significant sacrifice.
“We’ll figure this out, Sunshine,” he says firmly. “I want to marry you, too. It would pain me greatly if you didn’t feel the same way. Sometimes, when you talk to Lorcan, I feel like you’re still clinging to the past.”
“I’m not,” I insist, stupidly, because he’s right. I totally have been. “I just need him to find Zosia, for reasons that have nothing to do with the past and everything to do with the future. Once he finds her, we can all move forward.”
“And if she’s dead?”
“Don’t say that, Tovi. She’s not dead.” She can’t be. Lorcan is alive. She and Lorcan are destined to be together. Aren’t they?
I can’t even convince myself, much less anyone else. Tovian called it. I am definitely hung up in the past—and now it’s screwing up my future.
“I’ll be more careful going forward, Tovian. I promise.”
“I believe you, Sunshine.”
“When are you coming home?”
“Soon. Really soon. I’ll try to sneak back for a visit when we’re approaching Oceanside.”
I sniffle again. “I can’t wait to see you.”
“I’ll hurry, Sunshine. I miss you, too.”
#
[Increasing tension as Raina gets on Lorcan’s case to go find Zosia, already. He brags about single-handedly winning the war. Raina and Tovian both side-eye him.
Raina finds out she’s pregnant from 3rdtime banging. Doesn’t know how to tell him, asks Tovian to return to the Ansi but doesn’t give details. Tovian does, bringing Lorcan with him.]
Chapter 25
