A lovely sentiment, if only it were true.
If it is true... then I threw away the thing I wanted most, with both hands.
“It’s all right, Tahra.” I couldn’t keep the weariness out of my voice. The fucktangular love pentagram might be history, but there will always be opportunities to construct a new one. “You’re hardly the first. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry he was callous about your feelings.”
“He seems to have a habit of that,” she said, darkly. I suppressed a smile, recognizing the sound of a bruised heart. I wondered what rumors haunted Lorcan’s name now that he’s walked out on the last Auralian princess. Left her heartbroken, the way he left so many other women. Public opinion shifts like a flock of starlings in flight.
Right then, I decided I didn’t care. I knew the truth about Lorcan’s devotion to me. There will always be rumors, and would-be seducers, and naysayers. The only reason Norah got a wedge between us in a matter of days, is that doubt and suspicion had fractured our relationship before we even arrived. All she did was exploit cracks that were already there.
“It’s all right, Tahra,” I repeated. Her chin bobbed once. She took her leave.
Out of nowhere, I remembered that day when my mother was still alive and I saw him from her coach. Climbing onto the seat to look back at him. I’m sure he doesn’t, anymore. We were only children, then.
I remember the feeling as clearly as I remember his eyes. An electric awareness, a compulsion, like fate whispering in my ear.You are meant to know this person.
He was there to help me through this life of leadership I never wanted.
I don’t believe in omens, or fate. I am a scientist. If a phenomenon exists and you can document it, there is a rational explanation. You might not have found it yet, but it’s there.
Lorcan has been a cornerstone of my life ever since I was a child. His father protecting my mother. Cata protecting him; protecting me. Concealing him until she felt the time was right for us to meet. Him protecting me to the brink of death; me returning the favor.
He is a phenomenon that has existed in my life for as long as I can remember. There doesn’t have to be a rational explanation for the way I need him. It simply is.
Tahra’s bruised heart will heal with time.
I have to find out whether there’s still a chance to mend my own.
“Princess?”
Palla’s voice called me into the castle, away from the soft rush of waterfall and river, birdsong and the faint noises of The Walled City below.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
It was edging into mid-September, about six weeks before my coronation, when I rode out from the castle alone. I’ve never been outside the gates unaccompanied before, unless you count the night I led the Sentinels away from Marsh Hollow.
I didn’t need to go far. Coming over the gentle rise of a hill, I found Lorcan waiting for me at the top near a rock ledge and a stand of trees.
“What are you doing outside the castle without an escort?” he called, appearing out of nowhere on a rocky outcropping. His voice soothed my every ragged nerve. I halted my mount, staring. Drinking in the sight of him.
“Looking for you.”
Lorcan’s hair was longer than ever, tied back in a messy queue. His eyes were flinty gray-blue under the bright sky. His simple traveler’s clothes are clean, though I suspect he’s been out here in the wild these many weeks, wandering and living rough. Watching over me from afar, clearly, or he wouldn’t have found me so quickly. There’s a haunted aspect to him in the gray beneath his eyes and the hard set to his mouth.
I don’t know if we can move past the mistakes we’ve both made since our reunion. I know I have to try one last time.
If I don’t, I’m consigning both of us to a lifetime of loneliness. We’ll be forever trapped in the past. It’s worth one last attempt at reconciliation, and even if it doesn’t work out, I can make peace with myself knowing I tried. It remains to be seen whether he welcomes one more chance to work things out with me. I can’t fault him for being done for good.
“Well?” he said when I didn’t elaborate. “You found me.”
“And now I have an escort.” I smiled. I can’t be sad about seeing him again. He remained stone-faced. “Ride with me for a while?”
I know he’ll have a horse somewhere close by. I waited. Sure enough, after a tense stare-down, he disappeared behind the rocks, returning with his saddled gray mare.
We continued in silence down the road, past the fork leading to Covari Village, without stopping. I might still be underweight, but after a summer of physical exertion, I’m stronger now than I ever was before. My endurance is better than ever.
We stayed the night at an inn in a small hamlet and pressed onward at daybreak. The innkeeper and the other guests noted us and undoubtedly set the local tongues wagging. Let them. There is nothing either of us can do to stop it.
Like the last time we made this trek together, we avoided towns where possible, choosing the harder, direct path up to the meadow, where the snows pile high in winter. We took the same route, now, only without pausing to examine every creature that crossed our path. Lorcan didn’t ask questions, and I didn’t make conversation either. There will be time for that later.
