“Sas. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I built the thing that killed my own sister, Zosia. I will own that forever.”
“I know.” I lurched out of my seat to embrace her. “I know.”
Saskaya patted me on the back and let go. Demonstrative emotion isn’t her style. I released her reluctantly, craving physical contact. Sethi is such a gift in this sense. My brother will climb into my lap and smack my cheeks with his pudgy hands and giggle when I protest. He’s a bit like Kenton was, in this sense. No sense of propriety.
Gods, I miss Kenton. I need to get in touch with Scarlett, but I’m dreading it and keep putting it off.
“To answer your earlier question—what I think you were getting at—yes, Lorcan was genuinely messed up. We all hoped Lorcan was going to pop up just as he was before the accident. That didn’t happen. We’re all changed, Zosia, including you. You can’t hold him to old standards.”
My foot tapped the air. No one is giving me a pass. For me, standards of conduct are higher than ever.
“Does that mean I can’t hold him to any standards?” I briefly described what happened in the stable earlier. Saskaya’s sigh was not encouraging.
“I’m too old for this romantic turmoil. Never had the patience for it anyway. You’re the princess, Zosia. A boy-crazy seventeen-year-old isn’t a threat to you.”
I mulled this while she kept talking.
“Lorcan has practically been a resident of this town since he was twelve. Girls have always liked him, and I include my own sister in that statement.”
I closed my eyes in horror. “Please tell me they weren’t—”
Saskaya cut me off with a groan. “No, not like that. Gods, you’re suspicious. I mean the day he stumbled into town thinking he was on his way to River Bend, Cata lit up. She always wanted a kid, and here was this winsome boy with a burr under his saddle to be a knight for the princess. She got word to his mother that he was safe and took him under her wing. And I’ll be damned if the one thing that hasn’t changed in the eleven years since is his dedication to you.”
“And his appeal to women.”
“Two things, then.” Saskaya cut me a look. “I don’t know what happened to put your confidence in the gutter like this, Zosia. Whatever it was, get a handle on it. There’s nobody in Auralia like you. Lorcan is not stupid enough to throw away the chance to be with the crown princess for a teenager with more hormones than sense. Watch for a few days if you don’t believe me. He’s patient with her. With everyone.” She poked my shoulder. “Especially with you.”
Not that I deserve it.
I tried to follow Saskaya’s advice that evening. I sat back and observed Lorcan, who hung around the house on the pretext of helping with Sethi instead of retreating to Cata’s cottage. Tahra followed him around like a lovesick puppy. As far as I could tell, he neither discouraged nor encouraged her. He was friendly, without giving any indication that his feelings were at all romantic. Exactly like he did with Raina.
Saskaya might be right. I needed to get over this crisis of confidence where Lorcan is concerned. It didn’t mean I had to forgive him, but I couldn’t continue letting it weigh on me constantly. I don’t know how to handle any of this.
Princess fail. As always.
SPROUT
CHAPTERFOUR
Saskaya didn’t understand why I was upset with Lorcan, and that had me second-guessing myself. Was I being foolish, or was I justifiably wary of his motives?
A call with Raina clarified nothing.
“He hasn’t tried to propose, has he?” she demanded.
I snorted. “To the chambermaid at the castle, to Tahra, or to one of his other conquests?”
“To you. I take that as a no.”
“No.”
“Good.”
Briefly, I gave her a summary of our trip to the Plateau—fall and all—along with a description of what happened afterward at the castle.
“Do you feel better?” Raina asked, surprising me by sidestepping the opportunity to drag Lorcan.
