I’m not as afraid of Father as I was. I know that my current position grants me security and safety. But all this recent talk about putting me aside awakens fresh terror inside me.
Father could reclaim me, and no one would stand in his way. Cyan Lock would probably say good riddance.
If only Kit—
“Lexa,” Kit’s voice breaks through my jumbled thoughts. I’m so shocked, I jump.
I look up at him, not even trying to hide my red, swollen eyes.
“Oh, Lexa,” he says, kneeling beside me. “It’s alright. That’s not how I feel about you, I promise. Loretta is just being mean, don’t let her get to you.”
“Is it true, though?” I ask. “What she said about putting me aside if I’m not… not fertile?”
“Yes,” he affirms, nodding. “But it’s not like I would. That’s tradition in a lot of old families, not just wolf lines. But I would never let you go, Lexa. Don’t you know how hard I tried to find you?”
I keep my eyes on him, seeking any sign of falsehood in his manner or words. He appears completely sincere, and it doesn’t comfort me.
What’s harder to believe? That he wants to use me, or that he’s done a complete turnaround from the day he dumped me in front of his whole family?
For the first time, I truly take into account that his grandfather is dead. I saw the dissent at the meeting, how the younger members are trying to change the pack for the better.
Maybe there’s no more death squads, no more killing.
Maybe… Kit did what he had to do.
I look up at him, a new realization dawning. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, I never considered that he was also carrying his own.
It can’t have been easy, living as Leopold’s second. Leopold might have been just as bad—or worse—than my father.
An uncomfortable feeling rises in me that I might be making excuses just so I can kiss him again. Maybe even justify falling into his arms.
“We’ll need to fix this,” Kit says. “Obviously not today, but you’ll need to face the elders—”
“No!” I cry out.
“You have to, Lexa,” Kit insists. “It’s the only way to maintain our power. I’ll punish Loretta—I’m not sure how yet, but I will. You’ll still have to face her and remain confident in yourself and your right to rule, no matter what she throws at you.”
“I’m not cut out for this, Kit!” I protest. “Don’t you see? You have no idea the life I’ve had to live, the things I’ve done—”
“Then tell me!” he says a bit too forcefully. He lunges towards me, grabbing my arms and making me look into his face. “Tell me everything, where you’ve been all this time, what happened the night you left… tell me what you know!”
There is a frantic look in his eye, and I sense volumes behind that last question. Suddenly, my guard comes up again.
“Tell me what you know,” I echo, searching his face. His eyes widen, and his fingers tighten on my arms.
“I don’t know anything,” he whispers hoarsely. “I know nothing.”
Liar!
I don’t know what he’s lying about, but I can sense it. There is some dark, ugly secret inside him, and he definitely doesn’t want me to find out about it.
I’m doing the exact same thing, so how can I blame him?
“I’m sorry, Lexa,” he says, pain in his voice. “I really am so, so sorry. All I can do is keep apologizing, and swear to you I will never let you get hurt… ever again.”
Even though there was a lie in his previous words, there is no dishonesty in him now. I can feel the truth of that statement, and it’s the one thing I needed to hear more than anything else.
“Do you promise?” I ask, my voice coming out high and trembly. “Do you promise you will protect me, no matter what comes?”
