“He told me that I was too much for him to handle. And maybe one day I could find the right man who would love that quality about me, but it wasn’t him. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to discover all the ways that I’m too much for people and try to fix?—”
Luke’s hands find my face, dragging me away from my spiraling thoughts, and I focus all my attention on him. His gaze lowers, his throat bobbing as he swallows loudly, his mouth tightens, and his nostrils flare. I’m usually the one who’s fiercely protective over my friends and family, but I see it in him at this moment.
“Liv, you are perfect just the way you are. There is nothing about you that needs fixed. The world is such a dark place,and then there’s you…someone who brings light everywhere you go. People are drawn to you because of it. Everyone seeks your light and relishes in it. Including me. Especially me.”
He pauses, his eyes softening, as he gives me a moment to soak in his words.
“Your passion is admirable. I love that you never back down from a fight. You’ve always been the glue that holds people together. You’re not too much. If anything, the world needs more of you.I’llalways need more of you.”
He reaches up and wipes away the fresh tears that have spilled down my cheeks. The anxious thoughts constantly floating around my brain continue on, like a vulture that’s flying around a vulnerable animal. I didn’t realize the true depth of the wound Adam gave to me with his comments. How broken they left me when he closed my front door and walked out of my life completely. I had been too much for him. But here’s Luke, saying that he wants more ofme.
Adam had said to me that one day I would find the right man who would love me for me. I thought he was just saying that to make his words sting less, but I realize now that he was right. I made myself believe that if Adam couldn’t love me, how could anyone else? If I was too much for him, then I would be that way for everyone. And maybe I am for some. But I’m not too much for Luke.
“I loveeverythingthat makes youyou,” he says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world.
It hasn’t been fake. Not for me, anyway.
I’ve not been faking either.
Luke’s words cause the storm inside my mind to fall silent. He studies me, his eyes softening, as the tension slowly leaves his body. His face relaxes, and a small smile tugs at his lips, almost like he can read my thoughts.
There’s truth buzzing beneath my skin, and even with my heart pounding in my throat, I know this: I still want him. I’ve never stopped. And I haven’t felt that kind of certainty in years.Desire blooms inside my gut as I inhale Luke’s scent and instinctively lick my bottom lip, a blaze of passion surging through me.
Without overthinking it, I move my face closer to Luke’s, slowly closing the distance between us. He reaches his hand up to cup my face as shivers travel down my neck and chest. Luke has the ability to make time stop with a single touch of his hand. He closes his eyes, leans forward, and presses his lips to mine. His lips are soft, gentle even, like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he presses too hard, but I’m still here. I’m not going to pull away.
It’s the kind of kiss that feels like comfort and butterflies all tangled together. This doesn’t feel like our first kiss. That one had been fast, nervous, full of question marks. This one feels like an answer.
His hand finds the side of my face like he’s done it a thousand times, and maybe he has—just never quite like this. I realize I’m not scared anymore. Not of kissing him. Not of what comes after. Because this isn’t a mistake. It doesn’t feel like something that’ll ruin us.
It feels like what we were always meant to come back to.
What starts out as a sweet peck transforms into something hungry, both devouring and consuming. My eyes slip shut, and I kiss him back just as hungrily.
Suddenly, everything goes hazy as we savor this kiss, like the last bite of my chai-and-maple scones or the first sip of freshly brewed coffee from The Groovy Bean. My hands leave his side and slide up into his hair, giving it a small tug.
He groans against my lips, the sound making my head spin. I like it too much, the way he sounds. I want to know what it might sound like against the shell of my ear, the curve of my neck. Kissing Luke is all-consuming and somehow still not enough.
My eyes shoot open as Luke’s mouth leaves mine. He drags his lips across the slope of my jaw, full of intention that has mytoes curling in my boots. My heart is telling me to enjoy this, to melt into this kiss, but my brain is sending jolts of awareness throughout my body, reminding me that there’s going to be consequences after this kiss.
“Luke,” I mumble, placing a hand onto his chest and gently pulling away from his embrace.
My fears begin to sink in as I realize what I have done. What if this is a mistake? What if I just wrecked everything again?
I remember how it felt last time. The distance. The awkwardness. The way we stopped beingusfor a while. It took us some time, but eventually, we were able to fix our friendship. What if we can’t fix things again?
I’ve somehow been frozen in the past, holding onto the memory of how everything went wrong last time, afraid to believe that this time could be different, but my heart has been guarding this friendship for so long I’m not sure it knows how to let go.
“I, uh…” I whisper, not even sure what I’m trying to say.
Luke stays quiet as he watches me, his eyes dancing with mine, as if waiting for what I have to say, and somehow, it makes me feel worse, because he’s okay. He’s not spiraling. He doesn’t look like someone who just made a huge mistake.
He looks like someone who knows exactly what he wants.
“This can’t come between us this time. I can’t lose you, Luke.”
Hints of anxiety are trying to take hold of me. I can feel his pulse against my hand that’s pressing onto his chest. It’s racing faster than it should, and for some reason, that helps to settle my anxiety a little, knowing that Luke is affected by this as much as I am.
“I’m not going anywhere, Liv. I’m in love with you.”
