I feel the weight of what he is saying. Ryland is looking at me with such tender affection that it feels like a kiss. A knuckle under my chin, pulling me toward his face.
He looks out toward the lake and continues, “I did, however, fall head over heels for a tiny little girl. Annabelle stole my heart the moment I first held her in my arms. I never understood how she didn’t steal Maggie's heart, but after a few months, Maggie started leaving for long hours and would come home either high or drunk. I believe she was suffering from postpartum depression, but she refused any help that I offered her.
“One day, she told me that she didn’t feel like she could be a mom and said she wanted to sign her rights over. I tried to argue with her, but she had made up her mind. Annabelle was nine months old when her mother chose to leave her. It has been the two of us since, and I made sure to turn my life around after Annabelle was born. She saved me. She gave me my life back.”
We stay silent for a while, a storm slowly brewing within my gut from his words, as I realize how self-centered I have been this whole time.
“I’m so selfish,” I whisper, allowing the words to hang between us for a moment before I continue. “I chose to leave because of my own fears and selfish reasons.I didn’t think about how it might affect others. I honestly thought everyone would be fine without me.”
His expression softens as he replies, “It wasn’t your fault, Raine. I was the one who tore us apart.”
Ryland deserves to know that I no longer hold the mistakes of his youth against him. “You were scared, Ry. I get it now. I didn’t have to leave, but I was so hurt and living in constant fear. I just?—”
The sound of his exhale catches my attention. I watch as he runs a hand over the hair along his jaw before meeting my eyes. “There’s more to the story.”
Chapter Thirty
Ten Years Before
Ryland
The moonlight bounces off the lake’s surface, reflecting in Raine’s eyes as she looks up at the stars above us. I bite my lip and fight against the urge to kiss her. Kissing her always enchants me, and I don’t want to lose my focus. I brought her to the lake for a reason. I want her to be surrounded by the calmness as I break the news to her.
Our feet are pedaling in sync together as we move through the lake water in the pedal boat. I wrap my arm around her and bring her close, enjoying the scent of her floral shampoo as her hair hits my nose. I give her head a kiss and try to muster up the courage that I need to get this off my chest. I’ve held onto this news for weeks now, lost countless hours of sleep, and know that this isn't going to be an easy conversation.
But it needs to happen tonight.
“It feels surreal that we finally graduated,” she whispers and snuggles closer to me.
There’s so much joy laced in her words. The moment we tossed our graduation caps into the air, I saw the weight lift from her. The world around us seemed to move in slow motionas I watched her smile grow and a cheer leave her lips. I’ve never seen Raine as happy as she was today.
I hate myself for what I’m about to tell her.
“The future is ours!” she shouts, throwing her hands into the air and smiling brilliantly at me. Her smile falters the moment she takes in my expression. “What is it?”
“I have something that I need to talk to you about,” I admit.
Raine brings her arms down, and her body grows stiff with anticipation. I think she knows what I’m about to say, but I’m not a hundred percent sure. Either way, this all sucks and is unfair.
She shifts her weight, turning so that she’s facing me, and watches me closely as she waits for my explanation. The rainbow necklace is between her fingers, and she’s twisting it nervously. I run a hand through her hair, playing with the brightly colored strands between my fingers, hoping to calm her. She’s absolutely beautiful.
And she deserves so much more than what I can give her.
Her eyes dance with mine, searching for the answer, and as her eyebrows draw together, I know she has found a piece of the truth lying within them. I inhale deeply, allowing the murky water scent to fill my lungs, and I take a second to prepare what I have to say to her.
I reach for her hand, thankful that she allowed me to pull her closer, and lock my eyes onto hers. “Pops isn’t doing so well.”
I try to hide the quiver within my voice, but as Raine’s brows pinch together, I know she heard it. The pain written upon my face reflects on hers. She grabs my hand tighter, bracing the two of us for what’s to come. She already knows what I need to say without even speaking the words. With us, silence has always been a conversation.
“I— Zane and I— We talked for a long time last night about how we could help Pops. With Nan gone, it’s like his broken heart has been too much for him to handle. It’s madethings worse for him knowing my plan to leave after graduation. The past few months, Pops’ business has been falling apart, and he can’t seem to keep any reliable or trustworthy help.”
She squeezes my hand. “You want to stay and help him.”
I nod my head. I know what this means for our plans. We are supposed to use our savings, find an affordable place to live, and go to college together in a town that would give us distance from here. One that would be close enough that we can travel back home to visit family and friends. Raine would finally have her freedom, and with that, we can be together without Davis coming between us.
However, I can’t ignore what my heart is telling me. I have to do what’s best for the ones that I love. I have to let Raine go.
“I can’t leave him, Raine. Not right now. Not like this. He’s—” The words are lodged in my throat as emotions swell inside me.
