“Knock, knock!”
I’m not used to this new open floor plan in the farmhouse, even as I turn around and am able to see the front door from the stove. It’s still bright outside, so I have to blink to adjust my eyes to the light that is bouncing in from the windows. As I squint, I can see Ryland and Zane’s mother making her way toward us.
“Maribelle!” I say
At the same time Annabelle yells, “Nannie!”
Maribelle makes her way into the kitchen and opens her arms to allow her granddaughter to jump up and give her a hug then she looks at me, giving me a small smile before looking back to Annabelle.
“I came to pick you up. Have you been good today?”
“Yes! Raine showed me how to make redbud jelly!” Annabelle squeals and points toward the jars sitting on the counter.
“Did she?” Maribelle smiles and takes a step toward me and brings me into a hug.
I smile and close my eyes, soaking in this moment. As she wraps her thin arms around me, I feel a sense of warmth. She squeezes me tight and plants a small kiss on my cheek before pulling away from our embrace. Her warm palm finds my cheek, and her eyes study me for a moment.
“Look at you! All grown up. Johanna and Earl loved any moment to brag about you. They are so proud, you know? You always knew that you wanted to travel and see the world outside of this small town, and you did it. You made something of yourself, and you should be proud.” She places her hand onto my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. “I have to admit though. I’m happy you found your way back home.”
Found my way back home.I did, didn’t I? Even if it wasn’t in my plans, it was for sure in God’s. Movement catches my attention at the front door. When a pair of hazel eyes meets mine. I’m hit with the realization of what God wants from me while I’m here.
“Hello, ladies,” Ryland says softly, the crinkles by his eyes showing. He’d taken off his brown jacket at some point while working, now revealing a gray long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a tool belt attached to his blue jeans. I stare a little too long at the three buttons going down his chestand how the first one is unbuttoned, revealing a peek of his flesh. For the second time today, I’m feeling flushed.
“There he is.” Maribelle beams at the sight of her first-born and brings him in for a hug and kiss on his cheek. “The house is looking absolutely stunning.”
“It’s coming along nicely.” His eyes find mine for a second before he looks down at Annabelle and picks her up into his arms. “This one seems to have been a big help for Raine today.”
“She was the best helper.” I add, loving how Annabelle beams at my compliment.
“Hey, Mama,” Zane says sweetly as the front door shuts behind him. He moves into the space and joins in on all the hug giving going on.
I stand in the kitchen, watching them all closely. Having Ryland and his family here in front of me begins to feel like a blast from the past. My heart sends a small pang right into my gut with the reminder that I chose to leave them ten years ago. How could I have done that?
I mean, I know how and why I chose to leave. At the time, it seemed like the best choice for us all. And I’ve put so much effort into building myself a life away from Covewood. Yet those lines I drew years ago between me and the past are starting to slowly fade with each passing day.
I observe the four of them as they talk to each other in the living room and instantly feel like an outsider. What would life be like if I had stayed in Covewood? The guilt of choosing to not include these people in my own life hits me all at once and starts to smother me.
I need to get out of this house.
I grab a few jars of the jelly Annabelle and I made, placing the leftover strawberries in a bag, and walk over to the group. “Here, take this home with you,” I tell Annabelle, doing the best I can to keep my face from giving away the panic I feel inside.
“Look at what Raine taught me how to make, Daddy,” she exclaims and holds up the jar.
Ryland studies it for a moment, a memory touching his eyes, and he turns to face me. The smile on his face drops when he looks at me, and I push my hair out from behind my ears, using it as a curtain to hide behind. How can this manstillread me so easily?
“It was so good to see all of you today. Truly, it, uh… I hadn’t realized how much I missed everyone.” I’m panting now, my words coming out faster than I can think. I’m raw and on edge. “I apologize, but I have to run a quick errand that I forgot about. Annabelle, I enjoyed our time together. Thank you for all your help.”
“You're welcome,” she says sweetly.
I grab my purse, giving everyone a wave goodbye, and avoid everyone’s eyes as I pull the door open. I’m practically jogging toward my car, praying to not lose the hold I have on my emotions. What is wrong with me? I’m such a mess, it feels like whiplash after how calm and strong I felt earlier today. But witnessing the Quinn family all together dug up the guilt I’ve been trying hard to keep buried.
“Raine, wait,” I hear Ryland shout from behind me right as I place a shaky hand onto the door handle to my car. Of course he followed me.
I exhale and turn to face him. There’s concern written all over his face, and he reaches out to place a gentle hand onto my shoulder. Why can’t he just let me have my space to fall apart in solitude? I can’t hold it together much longer.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, his hazel eyes dancing with my own, so close that I can see the hints of golden flakes within their color.
“I forgot— I need to go do a thing— I just need to go.” I’m not making any sense and I can feel my eye begin to twitch.
