Ryland’s lips pull into a smirk. “He’s my grandpa.”
“Are you just visiting?” I add and pray that he is here to stay.
His smirk falls, and his shoulders sag with it, as if that question holds some weight. “No. No, I think I’m here to stay for a while—according to my mom, anyway.”
I want to pump my fist into the air and shout,“Yes!”but I fight against it, and instead, I say calmly, “You don’t sound too happy about that.”
“I’m not, honestly. I had a life back in Utah,” he adds. “It’s hard to start over.”
“I wish I could start over most days,” I admit honestly.
We stop walking, and I turn to face him in front of the pen. He studies me for a second, taking me in again. I fidget awkwardly by smoothing my braid across my shoulder and tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. He fights back a smile and turns his attention to the pen that is in front of us now.
I pull back the gate and lead him inside, pointing to the new baby kid with her mama. I motion for him to follow me as I make my way toward them and bend down to give Anastasia a quick pet.
“What are their names?” he asks as he bends down next to me. I catch a whiff of his scent,sunshine and mint, and wish I could bottle it up and sniff it later while I’m alone. Okay, I am acting weird and need to contain myself.
“This is Esmeralda,” I answer and point to the mother. “And I named this little girl Anastasia.”
He raises a brow, and I study his eyes now that he’s closer. They’re an enchanting shade of hazel with flecks of gold mixed with green and light brown. A beam of sunlight from a crack in the wood of the barn is hitting his irises, making them even lighter, and my stomach drops.
“Those are interesting names,” he ponders. “I like them.”
I smile and look down at Anastasia. “I like old-fashioned names.”
“Hmm,” he makes an agreeing sound as he pets Esmeralda. “You did a good job, Mama.”
“That she did. I got to watch the whole thing, even assisted in helping to pull Anastasia out. She was giving her mama a bit of trouble, but she got here safely.”
Ryland looks at me and seems to be impressed. He holds a shy smile on his face as he looks back toward the goats. This causes a flicker of bravery to overcome me.
“You know, since you're new in town, if you need a friend… I mean, if you even want a friend, that is… I just, uh… I’m always happy to make new friends is all.” If I could shrink down and hide away from him right now, oh I would. That was not how I wanted to ask him to be my friend, and embarrassment squeezes against my throat.
“Yeah?” he marvels, his face beaming, helping to ease my nerves a bit.
“Yeah….if you want.” My voice rises up a notch on the last word, and I shrug to appear more relaxed than I am at this moment. If he could hear my heart right now, it would give away the panic inside me.
“I’d like that,” he states, like it’s the easiest thing to say, and it fills my heart with so much joy. However, that joy is sucked away the moment the barn doors swing open and reveal Davis, my mother’s boyfriend, snarling toward us.
“There you are!” He spits and stomps his way toward me. He looks over at Ryland, runs his eyes up and down him as if accusing him of something, and then reaches down and grabs my arm.
I notice Ryland flinch next to me before shooting a heated glare at Davis.
Davis jerks me up and starts dragging me toward the barn door. “Your mother has been honking for you. Can you not hear? We don’t have all morning to be waiting on you to be in here flirtingwith some boy.”
If I thought I was embarrassed before, this moment has set a new record.Of coursethis would happen. It’s my life after all, and this sort of thing happens a lot. The farm is my only safe space, and the weekends are the only time I am truly happy.
Ryland stands up and clenches his fists. His eyes land on Davis’ hand on my arm before snapping toward mine. I try my best to give him a smile that says'I'm okay' but I think it falls flat. Giving him a wave goodbye, Davis pulls me toward the farmhouse
My mother is sitting in the driver's seat of the rusting green Honda Accord, pushing her hand against the horn before holding her head out of the window to yell at me to hurry up. That she doesn’t have all day. She never seems to have time for me. I wish so badly that she would allow me to live with my grandparents, but for some reason, she holds onto me, even though she makes me feel like the world's biggest inconvenience most days.
I look behind me and see Ryland closing the barn doors and following us to the house. Once we get closer to Cliff and Papaw, Davis makes sure to release his grip on my arm. Papaw’s eyes pierce into mine, holding a soundless question ofYou okay?I shrug my shoulders and open the back door to the car.
“Call me if you need anything, Little Duck,” he tells me before wrapping his arms around me tightly.
“I will,” I whisper and fight back tears.
It’s always hard to leave the farm and to return to my normal life. I can see it written all over Papaw’s face that he wants nothing more than for me to stay. But things are complicated, and Mom holds all of the authority since my birth father, their son, passed away before I was born. I often wonder what life would have been like if my father hadn’t died.Would it be better?
