Page 34 of Warrior


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We order our food and then silence descends on the table. Not the comfortable kind either. It’s the kind where you both have something to say, but you’re giving the other an opportunity to fire first. Twice my mouth opens to speak, but I hold back and reach for my drink instead. Colt does the same and after the third time, he laughs. “This shouldn’t be so hard.”

I smile. “We haven’t talked in ten years and neither one of us wants to touch on what happened. It’s bound to be awkward.”

“I feel like I used to know you more than I knew myself. Now I know absolutely nothing about you, and it freaks me out,” he admits, his hand sliding behind his neck.

“Not really much to tell. I liked college, got my doctorate, shit happened so I fled and moved back to Tennessee, and opened my own business.”

“What do you do for fun?” His eyes turn serious as he asks.

I blank for a second, trying to remember the last time I wasn’t busy and went out. “I have a few friends nearby. Camryn and I get together three times a year and go on a girls’ vacation. My family comes to visit, but I try to limit it, especially after I started suspecting that Lukas was back.”

“Are you seeing anyone?” His question catches me off guard.

I think about Jordan and I think about Colt, comparing and analyzing. I never lied to Jordan. Even at my lowest moments, I never lied. “I was.” My lips roll together, fighting back the tears. “His name is, or was, Jordan. We met at school. We were friends first before we became more. He, ah, passed away shortly beforeI moved here. He had cancer. It’s his inheritance that I used to help Stella and myself. His family came from money but his parents passed when he was a young teen, he didn’t have siblings so there was no one to fight him on it I suppose.” I sigh and feel tears spring to my eyes, thinking of the man who saved me and my friend back then. “It's almost like he foresaw what was going to happen. I didn’t want to take it, but he insisted. He said he wouldn’t always be there to help me and he wanted me to get somewhere safe where I would be taken care of. Almost like he foreshadowed my entire meeting of the club.”

Colt’s smile fades until his features are dark, and he can’t look me in the eyes. I’m used to this expression by now when I tell people about why I’m single. The boy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with left me and cut off all communication. Then the next guy I gave my heart to, even if it was slightly mangled, got an incurable and horrific disease, and I watched him deteriorate before my eyes. But not before he gave me the most powerful thing of all, money and the opportunity to disappear.

“I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m also glad you had him in your life and that he could be there when you needed someone.” Colt’s throat bobs.

“He was a great man and he fought hard,” I respond, wiping a lone tear away. Desperate to take the focus off of me, I ask, “How about you, do you have anyone?”

Colt pauses a beat before he shakes his head no. “Nothing has ever felt right.”

My eyes narrow on him, finding it difficult to believe. “Not even with Ari? She sure was adamant that she knew exactly how your sheets should feel.”

Colt’s lips twitch and it hits me how my words sound. I feel a blush crawling up my cheeks. “Are you jealous, baby?”

“Not your baby,” I glare at him and take a sip of the water in front of me. “I’m not jealous. I just don’t want to give her the wrong impression if there is something between you two. It's called respect, after all, I’m not a cheater.”

Colt’s jaw clenches, and I wonder if it hurts him to remember that moment just like it hurts me. True, he never actually slept with her. He doesn’t know that I know that yet. I drop back in my seat and look him right in the eyes. “Does it have to do with life in the club?”

“Ari is a friend. I don’t know why she said those things or what she was trying to accomplish, but I already told her to knock it off. I’ve never fucked her or crossed a line with her. And to answer your question, no, not really. If anything, the club, the patch brings in more women, at least that's what Zane says,” he chuckles, but it's not heartfelt. “No one has caught my attention. I just focus on the club and my job.”

“How did you get involved in the club? You said your friend, Tric?” I ask, trying to steer the questioning to a topic that doesn’t give me mental images of Colt with other women.

“Tric was Jester’s son,” he answers, his voice cracking.

My eyes widen. “Jester, like VP Jester?”

He nods. “Tric was a really good friend of mine, and when he died, I brought his things home to Tennessee for the funeral. That's how I met Daggerz and eventually Jester. Tric had wanted to be a member, but his dad wanted him to experience life. It caused a riff between them up until the day he died. Their relationship was good except for that one disagreement. Anyway, I brought him Tric’s last letter. When I was there, something just clicked. I can’t explain it. I’ve been searching for so long for something that felt right, that felt like I belonged. The club felt that way. It felt like home, like I needed to be here. So I stayed and Zane did too.”

Colt’s words sting in a way I didn’t expect them to. I’m glad he’s content and no longer searching for himself, yet at the same time, it hurts that it wasn’t me that made him feel whole. It wasn’t the life we dreamt of together that gave him the security he wanted. My eyes drop to the table and once again the uncomfortable silence stretches on.

He leans back, hands resting on the table now. “I had the idea this would go differently. I meant what I said about clearing the air, but what I really want to say is that I am sorry. For everything, Lyric. You didn’t deserve that from me. I wish I handled everything with Bama differently and that I hadn’t hurt you. I should never have lied to you.”

“Okay, but why?” I ask, refusing to just accept his apology. I want to call him out instead. “Why did you decide not to go to college? Why did you lie about sleeping with that girl at the party?”

“You know about that?” He at least has the decency to look sheepish.

“I was out with Camryn, and this girl walked up to me. Asked me if I remembered her. She wanted to clear her name about what happened.” I shrug and wait.

“I didn’t plan it. I honestly didn’t think you’d come back the next morning and it just worked out that way. I was trying to push you away then, and when I let you believe I slept with her, I finally got what I wanted.” His words do nothing to slow the pounding in my temples.

“Yeah, you did,” I agree with him, while letting the sarcasm drip from my words. “Now can you tell me why? Was it just that you didn’t want to go to Alabama anymore or because you didn’t want to go with me?”

Colt shifts in his seat and inhales before speaking. “It wasn’t you, Lyric. You are perfect. I loved you so much. It was my own fucked-up head. When Zane and I got to Bama, they rolled outthe red carpet. We had a tour. We talked with an adviser. I got to see the facilities, and everything was great until the coach asked if I wanted to practice with the team. I tanked. I couldn’t catch, couldn’t get a play off, I was tackled so many times my jersey was green from the grass stains. And all I could hear was my dad’s voice telling me how I would never amount to anything. How the universe took the wrong kid. I was embarrassed and stupid and didn’t even stick around to talk or think about my options with the team or the coach. I bailed. I ran scared. Zane was talking earlier on our drive about why he enlisted, and, I don’t know, it seemed like the fastest and easiest way to get out of town, out of the state and start over. Where I wouldn’t have to face anyone. And I wouldn’t have to tell you how much of a failure I was. I’m sorry I lied to you and that I hurt you.”

I take a few moments and his words replay over in my mind. For some reason, I’m not as shocked as I thought I would be. Hurt, yes, mad, absolutely. It was so long ago, and I am so tired of carrying around the past this way. At this moment, I need to make a decision, and I’m the only one who has the power over how this will affect me.