Great. Whatever this was, it was a conversation that required acoffee.
“I was really sorry to hear about you and Noah,” she told me once she’d filled two mugs and sat beside me. June put her hand over mine, giving me a soft smile, her strict demeanor all gone now. “He told me a couple weeks ago. I was kind of waiting for you to talk to me about it.”
“Oh. Uh, I didn’t…”
I’d just assumed Noah would tell her.
And honestly? I’d been trying to avoid this exact conversation.
“How are you doing, honey?”
“Oh, sure. I’m fine.” I returned her smile to prove it. “Fine” was pushing it a little, but I was taking it better than when I broke up with him last year. “I guess maybe I should’ve seen it coming. Even without the distance, like this summer, it’s not been smooth sailing all the time. But, yeah, I’m okay. Is Noah, um…is he…doing okay?”
June glanced away, looking through the doors at him. “He’s hurting, but if you don’t mind me saying, I think maybe it’s for the best. For both of you. College is a huge change. And you guys…” She clicked her tongue. “I think it’s fair to say things have gotten a little intense from time to time. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you’ll both have a little space to figure a few things out on your own.”
Intensewas putting it mildly.
But June seemed to know what she was talking about, and I didn’t really have much reason to argue—especially since I hadn’t fought against the breakup—so I just nodded.
“And obviously you know that, whatever happens, you’re always part of the family, Elle.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks, June.”
She squeezed my hand again, and I bumped my arm against hers gently.
“And, Elle.”
Oh no. She was back in serious mode. What now?
“Do you mind if I ask you something?”
This hadreallybetter not be about Noah. I got the impression she was going to ask me anyway, but I nodded and said, “Sure, go ahead.”
“Do you really want to go to Harvard?”
I let out a long breath, surprising myself when it turned into a laugh. “You want the honest answer? I really don’t know. Noah made a pretty good point about me applying on a whim, and now I feel kind of bad about turning down Berkeley and Lee…”
“The thing is,” June said slowly, cautiously, “all this time you’ve talked about college, I’ve never once heard you say what you actually want to study, or what it was about a school that made you want to go there. I know Berkeley has ties to me and your mom, and obviously Noah was the pull for Harvard, but I’ve gotta wonder if you only ever applied to the schools you did because that was what you thought other people wanted, instead of what you wanted for yourself. It’s all well and good applying for schools because of the people you love, honey, but loving Lee and Noah has nothing to do with what you want to do with your life.”
Berkeley had always been the dream school. It wasn’t too far away and it was where our moms went, and like Noah had said, it was where Lee and I had said we wanted to go as soon as we were old enough to know what college was.
Harvard, on the other hand, was anybody’s dream school. Shouldn’t that have been enough?
“Noah said something kind of like that, too,” I confessed.
She smiled, as if she wasn’t too surprised to hear it, and I wondered if they’d talked about it—about me—together.
“Maybe it’s time you start thinking about whatyouwant, Elle. Whatyouneed. Figure out what you’re passionate about and pick a school that suitsyou.Everything else…well, you can figure all that out afterward. If it’s that important, it’ll work itself out.”
“You think?”
June gave me a wide, warm smile. “I know.”
I had to look away from her, hunching over my coffee instead. How could she sound so confident? I’d spent weeks—months—agonizing over college applications. I’d gotten myself into such a frenzied crisis mode that Levi had had to come and talk me down from it. Iwantedto go to college, I knew that much.
But June had a point, just like Noah. I hadn’t applied to anywhere that I’d picked just forme.
Lee had already come to terms with going to college without me. Noah and I had broken up. Maybe itwasabout time I was really, properly selfish and picked something that suited me and the future I wanted and didn’t take either of the Flynn brothers into consideration.
