2
“IHAVE NEVER BEEN so mortified,”Shari told her friend Therese Martin over sushi. Therese was laughing so hard she was choking on greentea.
Even though they taught at the same high school, they kept all personal conversation for nights out together. The teachers’ lounge had no privacy and was a hotbed of gossip—which Shari and Therese, who also happened to be young and single, avoided at allcosts.
Therese managed to stop laughing long enough to gasp, “Sex for Total Morons.You really picked yourself anotherwinner.”
“I know.” She couldn’t grudge her friend the laugh. If it had happened to anyone else Shari would have thought it was pretty funny, too. “And he seemed so normal. I mean, he’s gorgeous, and he’s got this totally sexy look about him. I don’t get it. Why would a guy like that need a book on how to makelove?”
Therese helped herself to another piece of salmon sashimi. “That’s easy. The better-looking the guy, the less they’ve ever had to bother learning about women. They think all they have to do is show up with all their hotness and we’re panting for theirpackage.”
The image of Luke,who all but oozed sex appeal, popped into her mind. “What are you talkingabout?”
“Haven’t you ever gone home with a really great-looking guy and all he talks about ishimself?”
Shari nodded. Oh,yeah.
“Then they get in bed and it’s still all about them. One time I said to this guy, ‘I have a clitoris, you know,’ and he asked if it wascontagious.”
Shari choked on a sip of tea. “You made thatup.”
Her friend raised her eyebrows and gave her a believe-me-baby-I-have-been-there look. “Uh-uh. I’m telling you, those good-looking ones are the worst.” Therese munched reflectively. “But get a guy who stood in the wrong line when they were handing out the Viking genes—maybe he’s not so tall, a little skinny. He has to work harder to make it with women. Nobody’s going to fall in bed with him based on his looks,right?”
“I hate to think women are that shallow, but in theory, I guess you’reright.”
“So what does he do? If he wants to have sex with women he has to make up for his shortcomings by being more interesting to them in other ways. Maybe he clues in to asking them about themselves instead of always talking about himself. Maybe he figures out how to have a conversation that doesn’t involve sports, his job, his great car, whatever his latest ego trip is. Maybe he’sfunny.
“Now this guy, when he gets a girl in bed, is going to want to make her happy. He’s going to ask her what she likes. He’s going to learn how to please her. And he’s going to get quite the rep. Because—” she winked “—womentalk.”
Shari glanced around the restaurant, paying particular attention to the couples. Some were talking animatedly, touching, holding eye contact, sharing food, while other couples looked as though they could barely stay awake, more interested in checking their phones than in each other. She couldn’t immediately see that it was the homely ones having the great conversations. Anyway, something else about Therese’s theory was suspect. “Come on. I’ve seen you with lots of good-lookingguys.”
“Yeah. I’m as big a sucker for a hottie as the next girl.” She sighed. “Then we get in bed and I spend the next hour going over my lessonplan.”
Shari laughed, still certain her friend was joking. She thought back on some of Therese’s conquests. “What about that skier, Todd? He looked prettyhot.”
“Todd was great. In the looks department. In bed with him, I worked out a whole new way to quiz kids onpassécomposé.”
“Ouch. Aren’t you being a littleharsh?”
Therese shrugged. “Maybe there are men who are fabulous-looking and fabulous lovers. I’m not saying it can’t happen, I’m just suggesting that some men have a real advantage when the lights go out. Think about it. Which would you rather have? A guy who makes you drool just looking at him? Or one who knows how to do things to your body that turn you into a musical instrument? An orgasmicvirtuoso.”
Shari munched a piece of California roll as she considered the possibilities. “It would be nice to haveboth.”
“Yeah. I know. He’s the guy we’re all looking for, hon. But he doesn’t exist. He’s a dream. Your Total Moron guy’s a perfectexample.”
“At least sending away for that book shows he’s trying. I mean, somebody must have told him he wasn’t making the grade in the bedroom and he’s doing something about it. That’s good,right?”
“It’s great. I’d be interested to see how far he gets. He’ll probably read all the guy stuff and skip the femalepages.”
“Who turned you into such acynic?”
It was a rhetorical question, so she was surprised when Therese sighed the sigh of the heartbroken and answered, after a long moment, “A guy namedBrad.”
“I’ve never heard of him.” Which was odd. She thought they’d sharedeverything.
“Let’s pay up and I’ll tell you on the way to the movie. I’ve got to walk off all thisfood.”
Once outside in the warm spring air, Therese was uncommonly silent. Shari waited, knowing she’d get the story when her friend was ready to tellit.
