“OK,” is all I manage to say before my voice breaks.
“It’s for the best anyway,” he says as he leads me towards my unmade bed.“You’re not a fruit that should be eaten right off the tree.You’re to be savored.Always were.”
I don’t know how I feel about being compared to a fruit, but anything from his lips always sounds like exactly what I need to hear and what I always wanted to hear.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I finally manage to whisper once I’m lying in his arms, under the soft covers of my bed, imagining I can see stars in the dark depths of his eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he says.“You’re perfect.”
“We both know that’s a big lie,” I whisper.
He turns so we’re face to face and stares very deeply into my eyes, so deeply I feel like I’m falling through the vastness of his.
“It’s the truth,” he says.“At least for me.It always was.Getting shot and nearly dying put everything in a very different perspective for me.And even with all the shit we’ve been through, together and apart, that’s still true.You’re perfect for me.”
“And you’re perfect for me,” I whisper, tears now rolling freely down my cheeks, but my voice is clear.“I’m so glad you came back for me.”
“I should’ve done it a long time ago,” he says, then leans in and kisses me.
The pain is gone as his lips touch mine, replaced by the sweet, soft feeling of belonging only he could ever give me.
I will give him everything, all of me and more, just like I should’ve done ten years ago.But first, I will fall asleep in the safety of his arms like I’ve longed to do for so long I’ve forgotten how much I needed it.
And this time, I will not let him go again.I’ll die before I do.
7
Blade
Amazing how days can pass in the blink of an eye.Even more amazing than how years can.
Bella and I have been inseparable for the last few days, while she got her affairs in order.That included a couple of late-night inking sessions and a trip to Green Haven prison upstate where she wanted to say goodbye to a few friends beforeleaving the East Coast behind… as she keeps referring to coming back to LA with me.And the more time we spent together the more the years we spent apart shrank in my mind… along with the distance those years brought.
The lights of the blanket that is LA are just coming on as we disembark from the plane.There’s still some of the sunset left in the sky, a dusky purple tinge that puts me in mind of velvet and all things nice.
Bella’s hand in mine as we leave the plane puts me in mind of even nicer things.Like new beginnings.Like fresh starts.Like leaving the past right where it belongs.Forgotten.
Even the scar on my stomach no longer pulls as hard as it did when I boarded a plane much like the one we’re leaving now to go find her.Nothing hurts when I’m with her.Everything hurts when we’re apart.It’s always been like that.No matter how much other people told me I was better off without her.And they all told me that a lot.Starting with my mom.
It’s just simply never been true.Heroin might’ve been her drug of choice, but she was always my drug.
And I can’t wait to begin making itnot truefor the rest of our lives.I also can’t wait to be out of this stuffy airport and in the warmth of our hometown… NYC cold is not for me.And the way Bella seems to glow brighter and brighter by the minute, it’s not for her either.
She turns to me as we reach the baggage claim where the first bags are already starting to arrive.She has four.Two red, two green.The backpack with everything I brought on this trip is already strapped to my back.
“I hope we’ll find a cab big enough to fit all my stuff,” she says.The tightness around her eyes and the marble-like quality of her golden irises tells me that’s not all she’s worried about.
“Rogue’s picking us up in one of the MC’s vans,” I tell her.He’s doing it reluctantly.But I won’t tell her that.I hope he won’t either.
“Rogue?”she asks, her voice shaky and her eyes growing glassier still, even as she smiles wider.“You sure he’s really coming?Seeing as he’s not my biggest fan.”
“You’re not wrong about that,” I say and the wash of watery sadness that floats across her eyes makes me wish I hadn’t.But I have a great follow up.
“But between him being my best friend and my MC President, and you being the only woman for me… well, it’s time you two made up.”
She smiles too, but says nothing, her eyes full of doubt as she moves to hoist the first of her bags off the carousel before I can do it.
I texted Rogue before we boarded, telling him we’ll need a ride and giving him our flight details.Then I ignored all subsequent texts and voicemail from him, until he finally ran out of things to say and told me he’ll be there.I thanked him once the plane touched down.And I hope he’ll understand all that to mean I don’t want to have the conversation he’s been trying to have over text in person either.
