Speaking the thought out loud did not seem to bring Perian more resolution to actually do something about it, unfortunately. He continued to sit, just breathing in and out, listening to the sounds around him, looking out over the beautiful vista.
He might have been without Brannal for more than twenty-two years of his life, but he wasn’t that Perian anymore. Certain people and experiences shaped and changed you permanently, and he was sure that Brannal was one of those people for him. But maybe it was important to make sure he didn’t get inadvertently shaped too far into something he couldn’t sustain on his own.
He was really enjoying exploring his relationship with Brannal. For every misunderstanding they had, he felt like they were growing stronger, that they were truly figuring out how to be together—and the being together was great. But Perian did still need to be able to stand on his own two feet. He and Brannal had agreed to “enjoy what wasbetween them,” and that’s why Perian was staying with him. And while he had fast come to believe that was kind of…everything forever, he was aware Brannal might not feel the same way.
They hadn’t been together very long yet. Perian wondered how long it had to be before you could start asking questions about the long term and have it be reasonable.
Prince Horsey came over to nudge him insistently, and Perian rose from the ground, brushing himself off.
“Thank you for taking such good care of me,” he said.
Should he be worried he needed a horse to take care of him? Or should he just be grateful for whatever help he was getting? Everything still felt slightly off kilter, and he wasn’t totally certain why.
They returned to the stable without incident, Perian got Prince Horsey all cleaned up, and then he fed him more carrots and sugar than was perhapsstrictlygood for him. Prince Horsey was not complaining, and Brannal wasn’t here to curb Perian’s impulses.
He headed back to Brannal’s rooms and cleaned himself up without being able to think of anything but how much more fun that was when he was doing it with Brannal. Dressed in clean clothes, he headed back out to the sitting room, the empty table, and the prospect of eating dinner by himself.
His father had died four years ago. He’d hadyearsof eating alone. The prospect shouldn’t be this daunting.
He wasn’t very hungry yet. Maybe he’d start with some reading. Given where his mind kept going, it was probably no surprise that he ended up with a book on demons. The early information was basic, going over the four types and the best defense against them. Perian already knew that wraiths were semi-corporeal and defeated by water, that nightmares could be stopped with earth (which was why most people wore a little bag of earth around their neck), and that carnalions were extra susceptible to fire. Since carnalions could masquerade as human, they were harder to detect—but they could also be killed in pretty much all the ways that humans could. Lesser demons were large, monstrous creatures that could be killed in any mundane way—assuming you were capable of killing something large and ferocious that was trying to eat you.
Unfortunately, the book went on to enumerate more specific dangers for each type of demon: nests, swarming, seduction—which all led to having the life energy sucked right out of you—and rending and tearing, which killed you gruesomely before your life energy was consumed. This was accompanied with some truly unfortunate drawings. Thebook had even managed to make seduction by carnalion look gruesome. It was good to be educated, but in retrospect, delving further into the ways that demons could kill people while Brannal was offfighting demonswas a dumb move. Perian couldn’t seem to stop reading, but his hands had gone clammy, and he was feeling more than a little queasy.
Chapter Four
And then, thank all the elements, there was a knock on the door proceeded by Molun and then Arvus arriving.
“Oh, no,” Molun said definitively. He marched right over to the chair and pulled Perian up. “You aredefinitelynot sitting here all sad and alone. What are you—?”
He cut off as he saw the book, eyes widening. He snatched it from Perian and slammed it shut.
“Nope!” he announced.
“I just—” Perian started.
“Absolutely not,” Molun said firmly. “You have nothing to worry about; everything will be fine.”
Perian bit his lip. “Are you sure?”
Molun’s expression softened. “Yes, I’m sure,” he told Perian firmly, even though he couldn’t actually be certain. He held out the book. “Arvus, take that back to our room. Perian doesn’t need it anymore.”
Perian thought about objecting, but when Arvus looked at the title and grimaced, tucking it immediatelyunder his arm, he gave up.
“You’re coming to dinner with us,” Molun told him.
“Hello, Perian, how are you?” Arvus said, lips quirking up in amusement. “Would you like to come to dinner?”
Molun was still tugging Perian towards the door, not waiting for an answer. Perian felt his lips forming a smile for the first time in what felt like too long.
It seemed a little awkward, just the three of them, though it was probably mostly in Perian’s head. Molun and Arvus were acting just like normal, but Perian was off. There was a hole where Brannal was supposed to be, and Perian felt like he was in danger of falling into it.
His inattention was obvious, apparently. Arvus reached out and squeezed Perian’s hand as he toyed with the food on his plate.
“Molun’s right. Everything’s going to be fine. Brannal is extremely well-equipped to deal with any demons they might encounter, and he has an entire team with him.”
“I know.” Perian blew out a breath. “Well, I keep telling myself that, anyway. It’s not even just that, honestly. I’m still trying to figure out how to be on my own.”
They looked at him with sympathy.
