“But—”
“No,” he repeated. “There is no way other people wouldn’t hear about this party, and it’s not worth it if he comes back and thinks he’s the butt of some joke.” Perian grimaced. “Besides, it’s unkind.”
Renny made a harrumphing noise.
“No, but really. I have my personal opinion, and you have yours. Our friends are probably aware of how we feel. I try not to make it widely public. But how would you feel if you found out someone had a party to celebrate the fact that you weren’t there? Even if it sometimes feels deserved, it’s not nice.”
She huffed out a breath. “Party-pooper.”
“Literally,” Perian said.
And then they both giggled, and Renny pushed into his side, leaning against him.
“You’re right, that would have been mean. I didn’t think of it like that.”
“I know,” he said, nudging her back. “I don’t always remember to stifle my uncharitable impulses, either. But when I remember, I try to think if I would like someone behaving the same way towards me. It definitely doesn’t always work, because I’m far from perfect, but I think it’s a good goal to have.”
She nodded. “Yes, I’ll try to do the same.” She raised an eyebrow and was silent, so Perian waited for the comment from Kee. She made a face. “He says that a queen should always be thinking about her subjects. I say: bah!”
But they both knew she didn’t mean it. She was working hard on her lessons, took naps she despised so she could attend state events with her mother, and was slowly growing into the woman who would one day become a queen (if Kee was a figment of Renny’s incredibly detailed imagination or if they couldn’t figure out how to make Kee solid and visible and audible to everyone).
Perian could see how being an invisible, intangible king that only one person could see really just… didn’t work.
As he packed up the picnic, Renny asked him, “Are you going to be all right?”
“Of course,” Perian told her, making sure to sound as reassuring as possible, to push all his neediness into a box in his head. “I might still be a bit moody for the rest of the week, but this is something I need to get used to.”
“Because it’s worth it for the moment he gets back?” she asked.
“Exactly,” he agreed.
She nodded again, and he wondered suddenly if she’d been worried he was questioning his whole stay.
“Hug?” he asked.
To be honest, it was probably as much for him as it was for her. Her arms felt a little more forceful around him than they used to, like she really was getting stronger.
It was nice having something going right.
They went their separate ways, Renny off to her lessons, and Perian off to the stables. Everyone there was used to his presence by now, and thankfully, no one questioned him about going out on his own. Prince Horsey was still happy to see him and only him, and in no time at all, Perian had the moody and magnificent stallion saddled and was riding off into the royal park. He made sure to go slowly at first, because he could feel the urge to gallop and gallop and gallop, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t push Prince Horseytoo hard—or do anything stupid like head in the direction Brannal had gone. (Prince Horsey was good, but it had been hours.)
Once he was reasonably certain he had himself under control, he gave Prince Horsey his head.
“Let’s go for a really good run.”
Since this aligned perfectly with what Prince Horsey liked to do, it worked very well. Perian leaned low over the pommel and stopped thinking, stopped worrying, let go of everything that was not the movement of this powerful horse and the landscape passing swiftly around them.
Thankfully, given that he had not planned to stay out all night and had no supplies with him, Prince Horsey brought them to a halt at the river where Perian and Brannal often stopped. Perian had no idea how long he might have kept going before it finally occurred to him that he had to turn around and go back.
Patting Prince Horsey’s neck, Perian said, “Thank you. You’re a very smart horse.”
Prince Horsey nickered, like he knew it, which made Perian laugh as he dismounted.
It wasn’t quite so fun to sit under the tree without Brannal, but Perian wanted Prince Horsey to have a proper break, to be able to drink and crop grass and relax before they galloped home again.
Even alone, it was beautiful out here. The solitude was peaceful, even if Perian would prefer Brannal were here with him.
“I’m being ridiculous.”
