Hudson stands in the doorway of his office, slamming the heavy oak behind me once I pass through the threshold. I throw myself onto the couch he has in there, not even caring as he stands over me, glowering at my relaxed form.
“Get the fuck up, Gaige.”
I don’t.
He kicks at my foot resting on the floor. “Up.”
Down.
“Get. Up.”
When I don’t move, he reaches down and grabs hold of my collar, jerking me into a sitting position. At any other point in my life, I’d be surprised Hudson’s being so hands-on right now, shocked at the way he’s handling this entire situation, but right now, I don’t fucking care.
He drags me closer to him, his face mere inches from mine. He’s scowling, and it’s the scariest fucking look I’ve ever seen on his face. Fury doesn’t cover it. Rage isn’t even close. It’s so much more than that because it’s mixed with worry and sorrow.
Fuck. Why does he have to be such a good friend? It makes it hard to keep pretending everything is fine when he’s staring me down with unshed tears of concern in his eyes.
“You need to get your shit together, Gaige. Do you have any idea what you’re putting your wife through?”
What I’m puttingherthrough? She’s the one who walked away!
“Who?”
He shakes me hard and snarls. “Don’t be a prick, Addams. You fucking know who. Your. Wife. The one you sat next to not even three weeks ago while proudly telling us how in love you were. The one you kept a shameful fucking secret for months.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I spit out before I realize what I’m saying.
He relents on his grip but doesn’t fully let me go. “What?”
“Our relationship. It wasn’t shameful; we just didn’t think it was anyone’s business. We didn’t hide it to be deceitful or because we weren’t proud. We did it so we could just beuswithout all of you people butting the fuck in.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“Your judgments. We didn’t want them.”
“When have Ieverjudged you?”
“You don’t know enough about me to judge me.”
He drops me back onto the couch without warning, throwing his hands up in the air like he doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. Placing his hands on his hips, he begins to pace, tossing a couple headshakes and scoffs my way.
Whatever. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of in his past. The worst nightmare of his life turned into the best thing to ever happen to him. Hudson’s lived a blessed life. He doesn’t understand the shit I’ve been through.
“You think I don’t know you?” There’s venom laced in his words. “That’s a load of shit. I bet I know more about you than you think.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes, Gaige, and I’ve never once fucking judged you. I don’t care that some kid overdosed in your apartment or about what else happened that night. I don’t care that you have a criminal record. I don’t give two fucking shits that you walked out on your family twice. Why? Because none of that changes the fact that you’re the greatest fucking man I’ve ever known.”
Okay. Ihaveto still be drunk because he did not just say all that. I blink up at him, waiting for more.
He sighs and takes a seat next to me. “I swear, man, you’re out to make your life a miserable one. So you screwed up royally, and more than once—we all have. That doesn’tmakeyou who you are. You’re one of the most well-adjusted guys I know considering all the shit that’s been slung your way, even if you were the one to do half of the slinging. Iadmireyou, Gaige.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “How you even think I’d care for one second about your past hurts like hell. I thought we were better friends than that. I thought you could trust me more than that. I thought you were a better man than that.”
I sit there in the soundless room with him. He doesn’t move. I don’t move.
Headmiresme? How is that even possible? No one shouldadmireme. I’m a fuck-up. An asshole. A grade-A dick most of the time. I don’t do well in social settings and I sure as hell can’t manage my life. I don’t have anything going for me outside of being able to draw some fucking trees. I have nothing concrete in my life…not anymore. How can anyone admire something so broken?
“Who told you?”
