Niall swallowed again. “What do you mean ‘go there?’”
Jax shifted his weight to rest his hip against the counter. “You know… You, Ronan, and Teal.”
“You’re telling me you’ve…thought about me with them? Together?” Bewilderment clouded Niall’s features.
“Maybe not details. But I haven’t not thought about it.”
“This is so beyond.” Niall looked down, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I warned you it would be a shock, but I’m not sure why you seem…upset?”
Niall sighed. “Not upset. Not exactly. I just…I don’t even know.” He dropped his arms to his sides. “I never expected this. I don’t needthis.”
“What is it you think you don’t need?” Jax tried a different approach.
“I don’t need you to tell me it’s okay for me to fuck my bosses!” Niall snapped.
“Hey… That’s not what’s happening here.” Jax paced back and forth in the small kitchen. “All I’m saying is that I’m keeping an open mind about things. I’m not going to keep this hard and fast rule about monogamy only because it’s all I’ve ever done before. If you feel you want to…explore…with Ronan and Teal, you don’t need to keep it from me. Or protect me from it. I’m not trying to push you into their bed—into anyone’s bed—I’m just saying you don’t need to be afraid to tell me.”
Niall frowned. “Is there any chance we’re having this discussion because you found someone else you want to fuck? Is there a cute little beta hanging around the Hampson project?”
Jax laughed. “No. There is absolutely no one else on my radar right now. But out of curiosity, how would you feel if there was?”
Niall put a hand on Jax’s shoulder to stop his pacing. “You know I’m not really the jealous type.”
“So you’d be okay with it?”
“I mean, I guess I’d be okay as long as we talked about it. For me, the only thing that counts as cheating is hiding and dishonesty.”
“Well, that’s good to know, I suppose, but I meant what I said. There’s no one I want other than you.”
“But you want me to be with Ronan and Teal?”
“Again, not what I said.” Jax tugged his boyfriend’s slender body to his. “What I said is I’m willing to keep an open mind. And most of all, I want you to be your whole self, and I want youto be happy. If you’re holding back because you think you’ll lose me, you won’t.”
Niall looped his arms around Jax, smooshing his face against the beta pride tattoo on his chest. “You’re not the only one who’s been doing some thinking since our talk.”
“No?”
“No.”
“And what have you been thinking about?”
“About how easy it’s been for me to stay faithful to you. Because something I’ve realized is that I’m past the stage in my life where I want to do anything casual or fuck around. When I figured out what I had with Ronan and Teal was serious, and not just the sexy job perk I’d deluded myself into thinking it was at the time, I also realized that I don’t have any interest in meaningless encounters anymore. It’s not hard for me to be with you because I was ready to commit.”
“But you still love Ronan and Teal.”
“Because I’m committed to them too. But in a different way. They’re my family, just like you.”
“I know. Except I’m away a lot these days. You love them, and you have needs. I understand if you decide to take things further. I know it has nothing to do with what you and I have.”
Niall shook his head. “I think I get what you’re saying here. And it makes me love you so much more that you’re trying to make me happy. But I can’t see myself doing that, being with them in bed just because you’re five hours away and it’s convenient. That would feel too much like living two different lives. And that’s the literal opposite of being a whole person. I’ll never be with Ronan and Teal again because I can’t have two meaningful romantic relationships at the same time. And I don’t want anything casual.”
Jax’s jaw flexed. He’d been so sure Niall would be relieved Jax had gotten to this place. “Nigh, I want you to be happy, whateverthat looks like. Be with them. Don’t be with them. Just know I’m with you, loving you,no matter what.”
Niall leaned in and gave Jax a long, slow kiss. After pulling away, he said, “I think I know something that might make this better. Help you understand.” At Jax’s interested expression, he continued, “I don’t want to feel like I have a foot in two different families all the time. There can’t be a ‘me and you’ and a ‘me and them.’”
“What are you thinking?”
