Niall’s head tilted. “I…I can’t say, honestly. I’ve never thought about it.”
“Well, I think I know. And I think the reason you’re happy is that you’re still able to love them—and me. I’d also guess these past two months that you’ve been able to do both with no fear about having to hide anything have been the best ones.”
Niall’s chin dropped. “It has…been easier…since I’ve been honest with you,” he stammered.
Jax realized Niall hadn’t considered this before. He could feel his boyfriend gathering his thoughts.
“I have a bit of a confession to make,” Jax said. “Ever since you told me, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on polyamory. And it sounds like it’s a unique experience for everyone. I think I was putting too much stock in the whole sex part of things. Like, I was so busy worrying about you wanting to maybe fuck Ronan or Teal that I didn’t even pay attention to the most important part. That you love them. This whole time, you’ve been loving us—all of us—and our relationship, yours and mine, has only gotten better.”
Niall’s lips thinned. “I still don’t get what you’re driving at.”
“Think about it, Nigh. Loving you means I love all the parts of you. Including the part that loves them.”
Niall shook his head. “No, Jax. I don’t like what you’re implying. I don’t love them the way I love you. I’m notwith themthe way I used to be. Being poly means I can be happy with multiple partners. But it also means I can be happy with one. And I am.”
“I know, but c’mon. They’re sort of your partners too. That didn’t really stop when we got together, did it? It doesn’t matter who sticks their dick where.”
“Nuh-uh. I think that part does matter. A lot. Plenty of people have platonic friends they love deeply. It doesn’t make them partners.”
Jax shook his head, holding his arms out. “Let’s be real here. You guys were lovers for years. You’re helping raise their kids. You’ve been supporting them through the High Court case, and before that when Teal got his career going. You said it yourself two months ago. They trust you with this massive secret that could implode their lives. You’re more than friends, Nigh. Don’t you see? You said you’d never done exclusive or serious before, but you were exclusive and serious when I met you. With them.”
Jax sucked in a cleansing breath, believing he’d finally expressed himself in a way that made sense.
But Niall sounded hurt when he responded, “I feel like I can’t get this right. I’ve been as honest as I can be, and you’re still not accepting that I’m okay being with only you.”
“We’re circling around again,” Jax said. “To my original statement, that I don’t really know if you have to be. If that’s even the best thing.”
“But why?”
“Because you’ve loved Ronan and Teal the whole time we’ve been together.”
Niall made a gesture very close to an eye roll. “This again. And?”
“And it hasn’t made a lick of difference in terms of how quickly or how deeply I’ve fallen in love with you. I’ve never felt neglected. You’ve done nothing to make me question our love…other than not being honest about your history with Ronan and Teal. And now that you’ve given me that piece, I feel closer to you than ever. Sharing you with them has taken away exactly nothing from our relationship.”
Niall looked taken aback, almost like he’d been struck. “You don’t…shareme,” he whispered.
Jax’s eyes bore into the other man’s. “Don’t I?”
“I… I…”
“Nigh, it’s okay. Nothing’s wrong. It took me two months, but I’ve gotten over myself. I started to think so once I began reading up on things, and I knew it for sure last night when I was inside you.”
Niall gulped, his throat working roughly. Finally, he asked, “What are you saying? Are you, like, giving me permission to be with them? In bed? Is that what this is?”
Jax closed his eyes as he prepared to confess something he’d only allowed himself to think about in the darkest part of the night. “I’ve been thinking about you…with them. Ever since we talked about it. And when I imagine it… It doesn’tbotherme.”
Niall snorted. “Sure.”
“Nigh…” Jax began quietly. “You’re not the only one who might be starting to realize he’s wired a little differently.”
Clearly still reeling, Niall missed the quiver in Jax’s voice. “How’s that?”
Jax’s pulse sped up. “Thinking of the three of you together, it…uh… I don’t mind it. I sort of…like it… Picturing it.”
“Wait—what?” Niall sputtered.
“Yeah. Now that I’ve been feeling secure in our relationship, I understand that my possessiveness wasn’t me needing to claim you. It was more my self-doubt. Since I’ve moved past most of that, I’ve been allowing my mind to…go there.”
