Yet even with the aesthetic improvements, this apartment wouldn’t function for them long-term. Niall’s old place had been comfortable, but old and run-down. Living in Jax’s more modern rental worked okay for the time being, but it wasn’t exactly their vibe either. The lease would go month-to-month soon, and they’d already decided to find a new apartment that would suit them better. They weren’t sure what exactly they were looking for, but figured they’d know it when they saw it. The only thing Jax felt certain of was that he never wanted to live without Niall again.
Even though he’d spent long stretches at the Hampson Towers site since they’d moved in together, they’d made the most of their weekends, finding new recipes to cook, and hiking and swimming at the nearby park. Every night Jax was away, they video chatted. Sometimes those calls got naughty, but mostly they just talked about their days while Niall lay in the bed they shared, reminding Jax how much he loved him.
Jax’s unease over finding out Niall had been Ronan and Teal’s lover seemed far away. Niall had spoken the truth. His past had no bearing on his ability to love Jax with his whole heart. On the contrary, their connection had grown deeper because Niall had shared his full self with Jax. They now understood each other better and accepted one another more honestly. Jax knew he and Niall were truly making a home together, in this now-properly-decorated apartment, and in their hearts.
That knowledge solidified the conclusion he’d come to last night.
When Niall walked into the kitchen, gratefully accepting the espresso Jax wrangled from the machine, Jax was eager to discuss it with him.
“Morning, Nigh…Hey…so I wanted to talk to you last night, but you passed out on me.”
Niall pffted. “I think you mispronounced, ‘Sorry, I fucked your brains out so hard it put you in a coma.’”
Jax laughed and looped his colorful arms around his boyfriend from behind, careful not to disturb his mug. “Couldn’t help it. You know I can’t resist you.”
“I’m thankful you were able to get away early this week. As much as I like the video calls, it’s nice to feel your chest against my back.”
Jax tipped his face forward into the crook of Niall’s shoulder. “Can we talk now, though?”
Niall took a sip. “Yeah, coffee should kick in soon. Everything okay?”
“Everything’s good. Promise. But there’s something important I want to say. I'm just worried it might come as a bit of a shock.”
Niall put his espresso down on the counter and turned in Jax’s arms to face him. “Alright, I’m intrigued.”
Jax nodded. “You know I meant what I said last night. I’m going to love you forever.”
The expression on Niall’s face grew puzzled. “Is that what you wanted to talk about? I know how much you love me. I feel it every day.”
Jax registered Niall’s confusion. He needed to get these words right. “No. That’s not what I meant.” He paused, taking a step back. “Sorry, this is coming out wrong. What I meant is that I’m going to love you forever,no matter what.”
“O-kay?” Niall stretched out the word, clearly still bemused.
Jax blew out a loud breath. “The last time we talked—really talked—was intense.”
Niall barked a laugh. “Um, ya think? Is that what this is? Are you still worried about me being poly? I told you before and I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it. I’m completely fine being exclusive.”
This time, Jax accompanied another drawn-out exhale with a bullseye stare into Niall’s eyes. “But you don’t have to be.”
Niall’s eyebrows drew together. “Huh?”
“You don’t have to be.”
A horn honked on the street outside and both men startled. But Jax’s gaze remained steady as his sentence hung in the air. Finally, Niall murmured, “I don’t understand.”
Jax clasped the counter on either side of Niall, pinning him against it. “Maybe you don’t need to be ‘fine’ with just us. What I’ve realized over these past few weeks is that we’re not a great couple because we’re exclusive, or because you’re willing to make this sacrifice for me—”
“I’ve told you, it’s not a sacrifice.”
Jax booped him on the nose. “Let me finish, okay? We’re a great couple because, when we’re together, I feel more like myself than I ever have. And I think it’s the same for you.”
“It’s definitely the same for me. These past ten months with you have been the happiest of my life.”
“Somehow I knew you’d say that.” Blinking, Jax stepped back again. “If I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?”
“That’s our deal.” Niall spoke gamely but couldn’t hide the wariness in his tone.
“Would you still have said that if you didn’t also have Ronan and Teal and the boys? Like, if I had come to you six months ago and demanded you quit, would this still have been the happiest time for you?”
