We collectively turned to face my father, standing in the kitchen doorway. His face, stony and cold, the complete opposite of the man in the pictures on the wall.
Lucy wrapped her arms around my waist and said, “Daddy, Max is here.”
My father stood, hands tucked casually into his pockets, as he raked a scrutinizing glare over me.
“I see,” he muttered with a hint of disgust, like my sisters had invited a homeless man over for Christmasdinner. “Well, dinner is almost ready. Make sure your hands are clean, Maxwell.”
He turned and retreated back to the kitchen, and Lucy gave me a squeeze.
“He cooked?” I asked, staring at the spot he’d just vacated.
“See?” she said, beaming up at me. “He’sdifferent. Honestly, he’s better. He just needs some time with you. You’ll see. Tonight is going to be perfect. I promise.”
***
Mom never came downstairs for dinner.
Dad said she was tired and not feeling well. “You know how she is,” he muttered coolly as he cut his slice of ham into small pieces.
I did. But I also thought I’d known my father, and this man wasn’t it. This man, who still sat in the same spot at the table he’d always occupied, had cooked Christmas dinner with the help of my sisters and their respective significant others. This man had put family pictures on the living room wall. This man smiled at my pregnant sister and laid his hand over her growing belly with an affection I’d never seen him express in all of my thirty-two years of existence. This man engaged Sid and Ricky in casual conversation and laughed when Sid cracked a joke.
He actuallylaughed!
He still looked and sounded like my father, but the man he was with them was a stranger to me. The man he was with them was the man I’d craved for him to be my entire life, and the longer I sat there, waiting for him tocast that smile on me, the more I wanted to scream and beg for him to explain to me once and for all what the hell it was aboutme.
“So, Maxwell, what have you been doing for work?” Dad asked without looking at me. “Since the Army fired you.”
“I wasn’t fired,” I corrected. “I was let go on—"
“Yes, I remember. The girls told me,” he replied. “I just question the legitimacy of the reasoning—that’s all. Seems”—he pursed his lips as he eyed a spoonful of mashed potatoes—"suspicious.”
It was the first time my father had spoken directly to me about my discharge from the military, and he left me dumbfounded and unable to form words.
“Daddy,” Lucy scolded, her tone harsh and cracking like a whip, “don’t say that. Max saved people.”
“Oh, does that make him a hero then? Because he allegedly saved people before conning the military into releasing him on … what did you call it? Medical discharge?” He shook his head, a condescending look on his face, like he found the whole situation very amusing.
My eyes met Sid’s. He was already looking back at me, silently telling me not to poke the bear.
Grace scoffed, disgust in her tone. “Max was injured in the same attack as Sid—"
“Do not compare a man losing a limb to a manclaimingto have lost something easily faked, Grace,” Dad scolded. “Your brother is a coward and a disgrace to this family, not to mention an even bigger disgrace to our country. You’re lucky I’ve allowed him to sit at this tabletonight, but I will not stand to listen to him be defended in this house.”
Sid’s clenched fist hit the table’s surface, rattling the utensils and glasses. “I’m not gonna sit back and—"
“Sid,” I warned, keeping my eyes on my untouched plate.
“I would be dead if it wasn’t for him!” he shouted, his voice higher with a desperation to defend me.
This is what happens when I’m around.
I ruin everything.
“Sid. Stop.” I laid a hand over my eyes, pressing my thumb and pointer finger to my temples.
“Excuse me?” my father asked, his voice as chilled as the ice in my glass.
“I just don’t understand how you could be the nicest fuckin’ guy on the planet earlier tonight, but thesecondhe walks in, you turn into a raging fuckin’ asshole! Explain that to me! What the fuck gives you the right to treat anyone like that, let alonehim?!”
