Sid slid out from his bunk enough to look up at me. “Don’t look fine to me. You look like you’re gonna hurl.”
“No,” I insisted, despite the queasy gnawing growing more and more insistent in my stomach. “I’m good. I’m—"
“Whatever you do, bud, just aim it in the other direction. Don’t barf on me, all right?”
“Sid, I’m not gonna fucking barf. I’m just …” I shook my head, covering my eyes with my hand.
“Yo.”
I listened to the rustling of shitty, stiff sheets and blankets, and then a hand was on my shoulder. It was Sid’s. You didn’t spend as much time with someone as I had with him over the years without knowing the feel of their hand.
“What happened, bud? She break up with you or something?”
I dropped my hand to my lap and shook my head. “We were never together, and she went out with another guy.”
“What? But I thought—"
I leveled him with my glare. “We make out; we part ways. That’s it.”
He looked taken aback by that, confused. “Wait, so you’ve never even—"
“Fucked? No,” I answered brusquely, laughing as if it were the most ridiculous concept in the world.
Sid’s grin quickly returned as he slapped that hand against my back. “Well then, there you go, dude! Show her that thing you got hiding in your pants and seal the fuckin’ deal!”
I sucked in a deep breath and considered what he was saying. Was that what I wanted? Did I want toseal the deal? Was that even a good idea? God, I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything. I mean, the truth was, I didn’t hate the way things were with Laura. I liked not having the pressure of a steady girl at home. I could only imagine the stress Greg “Dumbass” Dumass was under with his pregnant wife waiting for him all the damn time, the pressure he must’ve felt constantly, wanting—needing—to be home. Laura wasn’twaiting. She knew what the situation was, and she was free to end it at any time—we both were.
Sheshouldend it. She’d be better off. I’ve always known that.
But can I rely on her to be the one to do it?
Shelovedme. She had only ever said it once on the night of prom, but I knew her feelings hadn’t changed. I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it in her kisses, in her touch, in the way she said my name.
Love, Laura.
Hell, maybe I loved her too. I had never said it aloud, wasn’t sure I ever would, but if I could feel her love for me, I suspected she could feel mine for her.
“Yo, Max.”
I blinked, and my vision focused on the rows of bunks; the cold, militant barracks; and the rest of the guys settling in for the night. I turned to see Sid, looking at me with a furrowed brow and concerned eyes.
“Where the fuck did you go, man?”
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“You all right?”
“Yeah,” I said, scrubbing a palm over my face. “I’m good. Just fuckin’ tired.”
He didn’t look sure. A memory of Ricky looking at me the same way came to mind, back when he’d suspected I was in deep shit at home, but wouldn’t say it. It was as if Sid understood more now than he was letting on, but he only nodded and patted my back.
“Get some sleep, Serg,” he said before dipping down onto his bed.
“Yeah, you too, Corporal,” I muttered, lying back on my pillow. “And, hey, Sid?”
“‘Sup?”
I folded the letter and held it within my palm, pressed to my chest. “We can hang out in Mass.”
