Right now, at the time I’m writing this, it’s August 11th, which means that, in less than a month, you’ll be home. I can’t wait to see you. Maybe we could go out. Get a drink or something, like real grown-ups.
Isn’t that crazy—that we’re adults now? I mean, I know we’vetechnicallybeen adults for years now, but it only just started to hit me. Honestly, I didn’t feel like an adult until I moved into the apartment with Molly, but I feel like you’ve been an adult since you left. And now you’rereallygrown up, Mr. Sergeant. I still can’t get over that. It’s wild.
So, I should probably tell you—
“Ricky … Ricky’s your friend, right?” Sid’s voice pushed through the reading haze, and I groaned impatiently.
“What?” I called over the side of the bunk, irritated.
“You stay with Ricky … he’s your friend?”
“Right, yeah. He’s, uh … he’s my best friend.”
I lifted the letter again to resume reading.
Sid snorted. “Oh, I see how it is. I can’t be your BFF because you got another man waiting for you at home. I got it. Whatever, bro. I’m—"
“Fuck, Sid, give me a second, okay? Christ …”
So, I should probably tell you something though.
I went on a date with another guy. His name is Brett.
It wasn’t a big deal or anything. We just went out to dinner. But he did kiss me, and I don’t know why I feel like I need to tell you this, but I do. Like, the whole night, I felt like I was cheating on you when, really, what the hell are we? We’re not anything, right? We establish this every single time we’re together, but we don’t feel like nothing. Not to me anyway.
Anyway, I haven’t seen him again. Well, no, I take that back. We work together, so I see him pretty much every day, but I just meant I haven’t gone out with him again. I like him though, so I can’t say I won’t ever go out with him. Just not now.
Okay, that’s my confession. I needed to get it off my chest before you were home because I don’t think I’d be able to look you in the eye and tell you I kissed anotherguy. I know you want me to think it wouldn’t hurt you, but I know you, Max, and I know it would hurt.
I can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Laura
There was a lump in my throat lodged so tightly that I couldn’t get rid of it, no matter how many times I tried to swallow. The words scrawled onto the paper blurred into a muddled mess until I saw nothing but that confession.
I kissed another guy.
God, why was I so fuckingmad? Why was I soupset? She was right—it did hurt—but above all that pain was a searing rage I wasn’t sure I’d ever known before. One so beyond anything I’d ever felt before in regard to my father or mother. This was different. It was—
Envy.
Fuck, I’m jealous.
And I was mad, seething with tremendous fury, because I hadknownthis was how it would be. One day, she would go out with someone again, and she wouldn’t stop. She would go out with him again and again and again until she got married, and where would that leave me?
Right where I insisted I needed to be.
Alone.
“Fuck.”
The word passed through my lips against my will as I let the letter drop to the bed. I scrubbed a hand over my eyes as I groaned. This didn’t matter. I had known it wouldhappen. Yet a knot so tight and angry cinched my gut until I thought I would heave, and I sat up to swing my legs over the side of the bunk. I held my face in my hands and groaned again.
“You all right, Serg?”
I dropped one hand and rubbed my forehead with the other. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”
