Maybe I’ll die, I thought, and the fact that I felt an immediate sense of pure relief at the idea probably should’ve concerned me more than it did.
Grace and Lucy stood nearby, their eyes volleying between Ricky and me expectantly. I wondered if it surprised them that I had a friend who wanted to see me off. I wondered if it surprised them that I had a friend at all. He’d been a well-kept secret for years, and now, I wished he hadn’t been. I wished I’d had a choice. I wished they had known him all this time. I wished he’d been allowed to join my family the way I’d joined him and his mom.
I gestured a hand toward my sisters. “I guess I should, um … introduce you—"
“We met,” Ricky replied with a half smile in their direction.
“But can you tell us apart?” Lucy challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.
Her T-shirt collar shifted to reveal a white strap over her shoulder. I had tried to not notice that my sisters were growing up and needed things like bras and the boxes of period stuff in the bathroom we shared, but that was becoming exceedingly difficult with every passing day. They were changing. We all were, I guessed, but I didn’t notice it as much in myself. How different would they look after I came back from basic training? What about after AIT?
“That’s not fair!” Ricky barked with a laugh, his eyes glimmering with mirth and … was thatinterest? “You can’t test me after we just met five minutes ago. I’d need at least … I don’t know … ten minutes or—"
“So, uh, you wanna do something? Maybe?” I asked, suddenly needing to get out of the house.
He raised his brows, surprised. “Can you?”
I knew the question wasn’t meant to poke fun at the life I lived under my father’s rule. But that was how it seemed.
My face heated with embarrassment as I filled my lungs. Then I pushed forward to the open door and said, “What the hell is he going to do? I leave tomorrow.”
***
For the first time ever, I went out to McDonald’s with Ricky.
I couldn't say for sure, as there were at least several years of my life I no longer had any recollection of, but as far as I was aware, I thought it might be the first time I'd ever been to a McDonald's, period.
I didn't let on though. I didn't want Ricky to laugh at me or at the turbulence of excitement racing through my bones. But, man, I wanted to cry, stepping through the doors of that fast-food restaurant and straight into a cloud of salt and grease and chatter and goodness. And right after that thrill came an irrefutable anger that my father had never allowed me this simple joy.
"You want anything?" Ricky asked, stepping up to the register, where a kid I vaguely recognized from school waited to take his order.
"Uh …" I glanced at the menu, pretending to read. I didn't have any money on me, and even if I did, I wouldn't know the first thing about what to order. "You know what? I'm okay. I had a late lunch. I—"
"I'm buying, man," Ricky said knowingly, his eyes meeting mine. "Get something."
My lips pressed shut as I swallowed. "You, uh … you don't have to do that."
"Come on. You'releaving. Let me do this."
As if that changed everything. And I guessed it did.
I swallowed again. "Okay," I conceded. "I guess I'll get a, um …"
Realization seemed to dawn on him as he tipped his head to the side, considering me with speculation. "Wait. Have you ever been here before?"
He should've known better than to ask. He knew how tight of a leash my father kept me on. I hesitated for a moment before shaking my head in what I hoped was a subtle way, not wanting anyone else to notice the idiotic eighteen-year-old who'd never been to a freakin' McDonald's.
Ricky didn't make a scene. Didn't laugh or gawk. He just grunted a small, nearly indistinguishable sound before clapping a hand against my shoulder with a nod. Then he walked the few feet to the kid waiting at the counter.
"Hey, Mike. Two large Big Mac meals, please," he ordered, then turned to me. "What do you wanna drink?"
"Um … Coke?" I said it as a question, not knowing what McDonald's had to offer in the way of drinks.
"You want a Coke too, Rick?" Mike asked, punching keys on the register.
"Yeah, thanks."
Guilt washed over me as Ricky handed Mike a twenty-dollar bill. Nobody, outside of my parents, had ever bought me anything before, and even that had been limited to the bare necessities for as long as I could remember. Watching my friend pay for my dinner broughton a strange coalescence of gratitude and shame, and I sighed, not liking it, but feeling so appreciative that I could cry.
