Frombeside me, Rick chuckled. “As soon as he was well enough to get back to work,he walked straight into the Chief Inspector's office and resigned.”
Rolandhanded me another dram and I grunted, as I lifted the glass to my lips. As faras I was concerned, the whole damn office was haunted now. Everywhere I looked,I saw Sharp and Finley, frozen in an endless loop of cordial friendship beforewe knew of the darkness in Sharp's life. There was no life for me in thatoffice, and there never should have been. But I wouldn't regret my initialtransfer now. Not when it had also brought me to the brief amount oftimeI knew Rosie Allan.
“So,what are yegonnado now, then?” James asked, beforedemanding another drink from his brother behind the bar.
“Havnaereally thought much about it,” I told him, shruggingmy hunched shoulders. “Truthfully, thereisnaemuchleft for me here. I only came back to care for my father, and now, with himgone, I don’t have any reason to stay.”
“Exceptme,” Rick chimed in, offering a half-smile, and I nodded, clapped my handagainst his shoulder, and replied, “Except for ye.”
“Wherewere ye before?” Roland asked, handing his brother another bottle of beer.
“Edinburgh,”I said, waiting for him to suggest I go back, while knowing I never would.
Tomy surprise though, he didn't. Instead, he suggested, “Ye could always gosomewhere else. Inverness, maybe, or perhaps away from The Highlandsaltogether.”
Jameshummed thoughtfully. “Head out to the islands,” he commented, a dreamy look onhis face, as he nodded. “It's gorgeous out there.”
Theconversation of my future died with an incoming group of tourists. I glanced overmy shoulder at the giddy older women, dressed to the nines in tartan coats andOutlandershirts. Roland chuckled beneath his breath and mentioned something about lovingthe franchise for bringing in so much business, while I smiled at the memory ofRosie explaining to me her reasons for loving Scotland in the first place.
Lord,I missed her, but no matter how madly I longed for her, I would never ring orsend a message her way. It could only serve as salt to a wound that might neverclose, and so, I left it alone and sipped at my whisky.
Then,Rick cleared his throat and said, “So, I saw that they'rehavin'a memorial for Grace sometime in Spring.”
“Whois?” I asked sheepishly, only wanting to hear him say her name.
“Yedaft prick, ye ken exactly who I'mtalkin' about.”
Ishook my head and muttered, “It could be anyone.”
“Rosieand her family,” he groaned with a sigh. “Are ye happy now, that I’ve utteredthe name of She Who Shall Not Be Mentioned?”
Ilaughed beside the aggravating ache in my heart. “Oh, incredibly.”
“Anyway,I just thought I'd bring it up,” he casually went on, circling the rim of hisglass with a bandaged finger. “Just in case ye wanted a change of scenery for abit.”
Withthat suggestion, the universe of possibility cracked open and beckoned for meto slip inside. I worried I wouldn’t be welcome. I worried it would beunwanted, tomake an effortto be more than just amemory. But how would I everknow, ifI didn't reachout and try?
“Y’know,” I said, downing the rest of my drink. “Ihavealways wanted to see America.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
ROSIE
Afterthe ground had thawed and six months had passed, my parents and I agreed wewere ready to let her go, knowing that in life and death, there are nogoodbyes. All there is, is see youlatersand a longhiatus, until we can be together again, and I knew that our reunion would besweet. But right now, I had a life to live and a son to raise, and for thosereasons, Gracie would have to wait.
Itwas a good thing she had always been the patient one.
Themonths after her death had surprised me with a mixed bag of emotions.Throughout my life, I’d been no stranger to loss. I had experienced the passingof grandparents, aunts and uncles, and countless pets, and I thought I’d beenthrough all of theemotionsgrief had to offer. Butnothing in the world could have prepared me for the experience of accepting mysister’s death, and nothing had ever been so strange and difficult to process.Days would sometimes pass before I found the need to cry again. Sometimes, Ieven forgot she was gone, and I would find myself wondering when itwasshe would knock on my door. Other times, I could only gohours without experiencing the persistent crush of heartbreak before it rushedback as if it had never left. But I never once went a second without thinkingabout her, wishing that it had all gone differently and wondering where shewould be now if it had.
JamesEddington had reached out to me a few times since I’d left Scotland. Weekswould pass between messages, and then, there he would be again. Once, he askedfor a picture of her, along with an apology for even asking. Another time, heinquired about my well-being, after apparently hearing of my own brush withdeath, and admitted that he and Inspector Brodie had become something close tofriends. Then, most recently, he wondered if it would be at all possible tovisit in the future, to pay his respects and perhaps take me out for a drink.With a heavy heart, I chose to ignore him and blocked his profile from mysocial media. I hadn’t wanted to, and I felt sorry for him, but his occasionalmessages were also a further reminder of that night and the life that Gracenever got to have. Talking to him hindered my ability to move on, and Isuspected it to be the same for him.
Itwas that day, after I blocked James from my life, that I went to my parents’house and again brought up the possibility of a memorial. I knew I was readynow, and I hoped they would be as well. And they were.
So,on a gorgeous day in April, the day she would have been thirty, we gathered inthe River Canyon Park for a birthday party.
Weordered catering from McKenna’s Delicatessen and a three-tiered cake fit for aprincess from Patty’s Cakes. We asked River Canyon’s local celebrity andworld-renowned rock star, Devin O’Leary, to play his guitar during thefestivities. He had accepted without question, and then, weweresurprised us by inviting his whole band to play. My parents had ordered agardens’ worth of flowers, and Tom surprised us by ordering the headstone,sparing us the pain of doing it ourselves.
Daysbefore the party, I’d gone out and spent an obscene amount of money on a dressat Harold’s, River Canyon’s only department store. I wasn’t going toinitially, becausethere were bills to pay and I needed toeat. But then, I imaginedall ofthe birthdays,parties, and weddings Grace would never have or attend.Allofthose moments she would never be there for, all of those memories Iwould never make with her, and suddenly, a few hundred dollars didn’t seem likeall that much.
