ALEC
Coveredin a blanket of snow, the Fort Crow Cemetery was the picture of mortal beauty.Headstones and mausoleums, coated in a layer of white, gave the burial groundan angelic touch that warmed my heart on a day otherwise frozen andbittersweet.
Whenthe piper finished playing, Rick stood beside me, his hand against my shoulder,as he recited Robert Burns in a somber, morose tone:
“Anhonest man here lies at rest,
Ase'er God with His image blest:
Thefriend of man, the friend oftruth;
Thefriend of age, and guide of youth:
Fewhearts like his, with virtuewarm'd,
Fewheads with knowledge soinform'd.
Ifthere's another world, he lives inbliss;
Ifthere is none, he made the best of this.”
Then,the air was open for anyone who felt the need to speak to do so, and the eyesof exactly six people turned to me with expectant glances. But there wasnothing more to say that hadn't been said already, and so, the party scattered,except for Rick and me.
“Hewas a good man,” Rick said, squeezing my shoulder.
“Nobodycame to his funeral,” I muttered, watching as the elderly friends of my fatherslowly trudged through the snowy banks and ice.
“Ah,yecannaesay nobody came,” he argued. “And even ifthat were true, thatdoesnaemean hewasnaegood.”
“Isuppose ye're right.”
“Doyewannaeat now, or later?” he asked, pulling athermos out from beneath his coat.
“Now'sas good a time as any,” I replied.
So,together, we silently sat on the bench beside my father's final resting placeand feasted on a warm lunch of canned stew until the thermos was empty andthere was nothing left to do. But it seemed wrong to leave, with the knowledgethat there was no obligation to ever come back again, so I hesitated by the oldman's graveside while Rick went to warm the car.
Isaid nothing to the sky or the dirt. Instead, I looked ahead, imagining my withered,old father standing there before me, and said, “I've never been verra good atlettin' go, and for some stupid reason, I never imaginedthat I'd ever have to let go of you. The funniest thing about it though, isthat ye let go of me years ago, when ye stoppedrememberin'who I am. Ye always knew who Iwas, when I was aladdie,but who I am now …
“Well,maybe it's for the best, that when ye looked at me, ye only sawyerwee son. Maybe it's for that reason that ye neverstoppedbein' my dad, and for that, I'll always begrateful. That when I needed ye to just be my father, ye were always there. Ijustdinnaeken how I'm supposed to go on withoutthat now,” I said, offering the vacant space before me a small, sad smile.“I'll miss ye, Dad, and I hope that, now that ye can see who I am as a man,I'll make ye proud. “
***
RolandEddington, owner of The Lazy Crow, handed me a dram of his finest whisky andoffered his sincerest condolences.
“Thanks,”I said, before knocking back the smooth, amber liquid in one swift gulp.
“Washe sick for long?”
Inodded. “Years. But hedidnaeget bad until about ayear ago.”
“Idinnaeken what's worse,” James, brother of Rolandand would-be lover of Grace Allan, chimed in from down the bar. “Watchin' someone ye love die for years, orlosin' them suddenly, before ye ever got the chance totruly love them.”
Ilooked down the smooth oak, reflecting a hazy glow from the pendant lampsabove, to watch the slow movements of his drinking arm. I saw the meaningfulsips of beer he took, and the length of time it took for him to swallow eachone. The man was the image of despair, still unable to shake Grace from hismind. The might-haves, should-have-beens, andwhat-ifs plagued him in the form of dreams and haunted memories, and the townhad taken to collectively worrying about him. But in a way, I also found itamazing, that the effects of love at first sight could be so lasting andstrong. It was a common ground that James and I had found ourselves on, aprivate island of our own, where nobody spoke of the women we had fallen forand lost, whether from death or by sheer distance. It was a lonely place to be,and yet, neither of us seemed to find the desire to leave.
“So,I heard ye quit the force,” Roland said, steering the subject toward somethingfar less depressing in comparison.
Ilooked away from James to nod at his brother. “I did.”
