“Hewas meant to be here, on this earth, and I just have this feeling he’s going todo amazing things. And so much of that is because he’s got you as a mama. He’sso unbelievably lucky to have you.”
Inodded, staring into his eyes, and said, “I’m luckier to have him.”
***
Elleran me through the discharge papers, and then, unplugged all of Alex’smonitors. It was a strange feeling, to see the wires hanging there, notattached to anything. I felt my heart skip toward a panic, wondering how thehell I was supposed to now know if his oxygen was at a good level or if hisheart rate was where it should be, but Elle assured me that he was fine.
Alexwatched me with confusion as I got his car seat set up to put him in, and then,I lifted the outfit I had brought and held it up.
“Readyto get dressed?” I asked him, and he blinked curiously in reply.
Itwas so surreal, to put him into his clothes and know that this was really it.We were moments away from walking out of the hospital together and officiallyentering the world as mother and son. He was going to see the sky, the settingsun, and the towering buildings, all for the first time, and as I struggled toget his arms and legs into the cute but cumbersome outfit, my eyes teared upfor the thousandth time since entering the hospital that day.
Ellehelped me get him into his car seat, and then, I signed the discharge papers.
“Andthere we go,” Elle said, enunciating every word. Then, she looked at Alex,taking his hand in hers. “You’re free, Alexander the Great, it’s finally timeto go home.”
Witha determination to be strong and free of tears in this moment I had waited solong for, I sucked in a deep breath and gave her one more hug, assuring myselfthat it wouldn’t be the last. Then, with my throat clenching violently, I tookthe handle of his car seat and carried him out of the NICU.
Itfelt triumphant, sad, and so unbelievably bittersweet, as we walked togetherdown the hall for the first and last time. We took the elevator down to thelobby, and there, we found Goose, wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen atthe sight of us.
Hewent to take Alex frommeand I shook my head. “I gotthis,” I told him and myself, and he relented easily with an understanding nod.
Withhis arm around my shoulders, we walked through the doors together, and for thefirst time in his life, Alex was outside.
“Whatdo you think, baby boy?” I asked, looking down at the bewildered eyes of myson. Cars honked in the near distance and he jumped. “I know, it’s noisy. Butyou’ll get used to it. It’ll become normal, and then, it’ll become home.”
Thecab driver had waited for us that entire time. Goose rode in the front, while Isat with the baby in the back, and with the driver uncharacteristically movingcarefully through the streets of New York, we arrived at Goose’s apartment.
WhenGoose took out his wallet to pay the fee, and the driver shook his head inprotest. “Man, no,” Goose protested, removing a credit card. “Yougottalet me pay. That’sgottabeclose to two-hundred—”
“I’llmake it up the rest of the day,” the driver replied quietly. “I’m honored tohave helped get your baby home.”
Goosesighed with defeat. “Thank you so much.”
“Seriously,”I croaked from the backseat. “Thank you.”
Henodded and replied, “Take care of each other.”
Withoutanother word, Goose helped me get Alex out of the car and we headed into hisbuilding. I had previously decided to spend the night, before getting my thingsfrom my old apartment and heading to Long Island with Alex and Mrs. Potter.When we got up to his place, I found my cat and his dog cuddled together on thecouch. Hannah stood beside them as if she’d been waiting for us, her handsclutching her phone to her chest, as she smiled at the sight of the three ofus.
“CanI hold him?” she asked immediately, and Goose looked at me to reply.
“Sure,”I said with a gentle smile. “Just wash your hands first.”
“Obviously,”she replied, rolling her eyes as she headed toward the kitchen.
“Hey,be nice,” Goose reprimanded, placing Alex and his seat on the kitchen table.
AsI unfastened him from the carrier and held him for the very first time withoutthe company of medical staff, I felt terrified and unsure,butyet, so free. For the first time, he truly felt like my baby, my son,and as clueless about it all as I was, I felt sure in knowing I’d be okay.
Weboth would.
Hannahhurried from the kitchen, her arms outstretched with eager, grabby fingers, andI told her to sit on the couch.
“Kenny,I know how to hold a baby,” she grumbled, even as she did as she was told. Ihanded Alex to her and he snuggled right into her arms. “Oh, my God, he’s sosweet! Dad, I want one!”
“Uh,sure,” Goose muttered. “In thirty years.”
