Sheshrugged. “I’m just wonderin’.”
“Why?”
“Whycan’t I ask my little brother what he’s been doing?”
“Becauseyou’re askin’ me what I’m doing with my wife. That ain’t okay. It’s fuckin’weird. What’s next, Jen? You wanna sit in and watch?”
“Wow,”she huffed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “Defensive much?”
Igroaned, pushing the hair from my eyes. “We ate dinner, watched some shit onTV, and fucked until we went to sleep. Okay? Do you approve?”
“Whatshit did you watch?”
“Idon’t know!” I shouted, exasperated at the very thought of coming up withanother lie. “Uh …Breaking Bad, I think,” I stammered, naming the firstshow that came to mind.
“Hm.”Jenna pursed her lips again and nodded. “Pops and I were watchin’BreakingBadthe last night he went into the hospital. Did you know that?”
Isighed exhaustedly and shook my head. “No, but yeah, that makes sense. He wasbingeing that shit for a while.”
“Yeah,”she said. “He told me that Jesse reminded him of you.”
Igrunted, stuffing my hands into my pockets and tipping my head toward thesidewalk. “Oh, that’s awesome. I reminded him of a skinny, weaselly, loser.Nice.”
“Hesaid it was because you both really try to make your lives better, but troublejust … finds you, I guess.”
Isnickered, hoping I was successfully hiding the shock I so abundantly felt. “Hereally talked about that shit like I haven’t been sober for fuckin’ years?”
“Haveyou, though?”
Thequestion left me gaping at her, shaking my head, and frantically thinking of howI could convincingly deny the accusation. Was it that obvious? How the hell hadshe known?
“Whatthe fuck, Jen?” I spat out, while wondering if Moe’s former buddy had saidsomething to him. Or whether Moe had seen a transaction? It had to have beenhim. How else would she have known?
“I’mjust askin’,” she said, keeping her voice light and innocent.
“Ihaven’t done shit,” I insisted, turning away from her and storming back intothe restaurant.
Moestood at the register, waiting for the lunchtime crowd to show and give himsomething to do. I headed straight toward him, leaned my forearms against thecounter, and said, “Jenna just asked me if I’m usin’ again. How fuckin’ nice isthat?”
Heshrugged. “Family worries, man. You should know that better than anyone.”
“Yeah,yeah, I get that. But what would give her the idea that I’m doin’ shit?”
Hisdeep brown eyes looked from the screen of his phone to my face. “Oh, I dunno,maybe it’s just a vibe she’s getting.” There was insincerity in his tone, Icould sense it, but I wouldn’t push it. I couldn’t, not without making myselflook guilty.
“Yeah.Maybe.”
Jennacame back in and said, “Anyway, Vin, I just wanted to talk to you about the waythings have been. Like, I know you have your own thing going on, but you gottawork on getting here on time. You have to. I’m gonna be going on maternityleave before you know it and I need to be sure you can hold down the fort.Either that or you gotta hire someone you can work with.”
Ina split second, I went from angry to understanding her point. She was right.The pregnancy was still new, but time flies, and before I knew it, she’d be outof work and I’d be all alone at the restaurant. There was no way I was going toget my shit together if things kept going the way they were, and I found myselfwedged tightly between responsibility and addiction.
Itold Jenna I would make it a point to do better, and she responded by saying,“Yeah, well, I’ve heard that before. I’ll believe it when I see it.” The jabflicked at my nerves and tested my anger, but there was no denying that she,once again, had made a fair point.
Afterwork, I headed home with it all weighing heavily on my mind. Walking down thestreets and avenues, I recalled my time in high school, when addiction had beennew and exciting. I’d struggled then, trying to balance schoolwork with thenever-ending desire to get high, and eventually, I dropped out at seventeen.Looking back, it really was such a stupid thing. I’d only had one year leftuntil graduation, but my dependency on cocaine didn’t care about things likediplomas.
Zachhad been lucky, though. He’d already gotten his diploma. He had the privilegeof calling himself a high school graduate.
Zachalways got lucky, though. All things considered.
