“Icould never be in any kind of meaningful relationship,” she explained, slowlytwirling her spoon in the melted ice cream. “I tried a couple times in college,but I was always so distracted. There was this one guy,” her lips turned up inthe faintest hint of a smile, “named Logan, and—”
“Youtryna make me jealous, sweetheart?” I teased, smirking.
“Hey!”She reached across the table and playfully swatted my arm. “Youwantedthe truth, so I'm giving it to you.” A twinkle in her eye told me there wasstill something there, something to hold onto and build from, and I relishedthe relief in that.
“Please,”I gestured with a hand, “go on.”
Inhalingand turning her gaze to the ceiling, she exhaled like breathing was a chore.“Logan was my second boyfriend and I really liked him a lot. Like, he was thekind of guy I couldn't wait to introduce to my family. He was sweet and sosmart, and—”
“So,the opposite of me,” I snorted.
Withan enthusiastic bob of her head, she laughed. “Yes! Yes, exactly. And I reallytried to make it work with him. We would go out and I would just keep my eyeson the ground, just so I could avoid looking at the freakin' ghosts, and thatworked for a little while. But the thing about ghosts is, I'm the only one thatcan see them.Iknew I was ignoring them, but to Logan, it looked like Iwas ignoringhim. So,” she shrugged, folding her arms on the table, “hebroke up with me. It was after that I decided I couldn't have a relationship,not with this shit going on, and I spent all my time at the hospital, helpingold people and the ghosts that followed them. And in the meantime, I was on thehunt for someone who could help me turn this crap off.”
Piecesclicked into place as I nodded. “So, when you first met me, outside of thatshow ...”
“Iwas there to see if she was the real deal, yeah.”
Laughingloudly, I tipped my head back. “So, when you said she was a fraud, you reallyfuckin' knew she was.”
“Yes.”
“Holyshit,” I chuckled, shaking my head. “And that Tracey chick? She's the realdeal?”
Andynodded affirmatively.
“So,she's helping you turn off your, um, power?”
Shakingher head, she explained, “There is no turning it off. That night we saw her andI told you I'd bumped into an old friend, I was really going out with her.”
Asudden strike of suspicion narrowed my eyes. “Why wouldn't you just tell me youwere going out with her?”
Shamecrumpled her features as she said, “I just thought it would raise moreunnecessary questions, and if she had the secret to turning it off, thenthere'd be no point in explaining anything. But, when she told me there wasn'ta way to stop them, I figured it was inevitable that you and I would fallapart. Then, your dad died and I started seeing him, and you had the drugs ...”
Ionly hear you when it's quiet. Quiet is good.
“Andthat turned it off,” I finished for her.
Quietlyshe nodded, and quietly I accepted that I might have played a hand in herdestruction but I wasn't the cause. There was peace in that knowledge, and Iexhaled like I'd been drowning in the blame all this time and unable tobreathe.
Itwas an amazing thing, though, when I really thought about it. How all thehorrible things in our lives seemed to be so perfectly choreographed, and maybeeven designed to bring us here, to this revelation, and to bring us backtogether.
“Whenyou sent me home, I talked to my dad and told him everything. He said that hewould get me whatever help I needed, as long as I didn't speak to you during myrecovery. He thought that we would just encourage each other to relapse orsomething.”
Inodded slowly, feeling a new appreciation for her father. “Smart man.”
“Idon't know how he's going to react to me talking to you now,” she admitteduneasily. “But I have missed you so much. Not the drugs or being high. Justyou.”
“I'vemissed you, too.”
Sheshifted in her seat like she wanted to ask me something but didn't know how tosay it, and I waited for her to find the words she needed.
“So,you've been at Jenna's house?”
Inodded, and another heavy pause wedged itself into the conversation, as shestudied her hands and the wedding ring she still wore. I wanted to ask what wason her mind but felt I didn’t have the right. The ball was in her court now,and I was resigned to letting her decide the fate of our relationship, despitehow much I hoped this would end with us together.
“Then,I have to ask you something,” she finally said, never allowing her eyes toreach mine.
“Anything.”
