“Sincewhen?”
“SinceI hired him two weeks ago.”
Andyrolled her eyes and threw her head back with the motion. “You know what Imean,” she groaned, before righting herself and staring straight into my eyes.
Icouldn't help but smile at the way she slowly pulled her bottom lip between herteeth, a direct contrast to the steel in her eyes. A constant contradiction ofbashful and fierce. She was back, the woman I’d fallen in love with, and Isettled into the comfort of knowing I hadn't completely ruined her.
“Okay,”I said with resignation, dropping the spoon and rubbing my sticky fingers on myjeans. “I'll tell you what happened, but you gotta help me finish this 'causeI'm not putting it back in the freezer.”
Pinchingher lips, she relented and dug in.
“So,”I began, running a hand through my hair, “you got my letter. And I'm assumingyou read it, right?” She nodded, and I continued, “Cool. So, you know I wasreally messed up. After rehab and a shitload of therapy in Boston, I came backhome. First, I lived with Zach for a little while, knowing I'd need to get backto the city eventually. But the thing was, I didn'twantto go back tothe city. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't haveanything left there. Pops was gone, Zach was living his life upstate, and asoften as Jenna was in there, her life wasn't there. And, I dunno if you'venoticed, but I really hate being alone. Like, Z? He can spend hours by himselfand he's all good, but I don't work like that. My brain is too loud.
“Anyway,I decided it was time to go. So, we let the lease run out on the apartment andpacked everything up. Jenna invited me to come live out here in her basementfor a while, and I went for it. I had these plans to commute back and forth,but I talked to Goose one night, and he gave me this whole spiel about lettinggo and living my life for me. I don't think I've ever done that before. Themost selfish thing I've ever done was marry you, and despite everything thathappened, I still think it's the best thing I've ever done. I realized I wantedto live the rest of my life like that, just doin' the shit that made me happy.So, I took my share of Pops's life insurance and bought this place.”
Andy'sjaw dropped. “But what about Famiglia Bella?” She sounded absolutely horrified,and I couldn't help but laugh.
“Westill own it,” I assured her. “But we put it under Moe's care and hired a fewother guys to keep things going.”
“Wow,”she uttered breathlessly, shaking her head. “I just can't believe it.”
Shrugging,I folded my arms on the table. “I decided I wanted to honor my father withoutliving in his shadow. So, this is what I'm doin', and that's my story.” Igently nudged her ankle with my foot. “Your turn.”
Andyshrugged as the spoon slid into her mouth. I couldn't help but stare as shelicked it clean with slow, purposeful nonchalance, completely unaware of whatshe was doing to me.
“Therereally isn't—”
“Oh,no, you don't,” I interjected, shaking my head. “You don't get to drop a bomblike, 'I see dead people' on me without elaborating. So, spill it.”
Sheshifted in her seat and I knew she was uncomfortable. But in order for this towork, we needed to come clean, literally and figuratively.
“Andy,come on. Just tell me.”
“I... I'm scared you won't believe me. That's all I've been afraid of this wholetime.”
“Well,I can't believe anything if you don't convince me. And if you don't tell me,how the hell are you gonna convince me?”
Thatseemed to do the trick. Her chest puffed with a deep inhale and as she exhaled,she nodded with determination and resolve.
“Idon't know how or when it really happened, but I really noticed when my parentsmoved into their house when I was about six years old. There was this littlegirl who lived in my room, who couldn't speak verbally, but she talked inimages. Like, little pictures that would pop into my mind, sort of like she wasgiving me her memories. She told me her name was Jamie, and that there had beenan accident at the house. When I said something to my parents, they assumed Ihad just seen something about the house somewhere and that I had turned Jamieinto my imaginary friend.” She spoke rapidly, like she didn't want to bespeaking at all, and I tried my best to keep up and retain it all.
“Ibelieved that for a while, until it started happening outside of the house. I'dgo to the grocery store with my mom and see the ghost of the cashier's husband.And at first, they were just there and I thought maybe they were imaginaryfriends, too.”
Ifurrowed my brow and asked, “How do they look different? Are they like,translucent?”
Thatencouraged a little laugh as she shook her head. “They have a sort of a, uh,luminescence about them.”
Thecorner of my mouth lifted in a gentle smile. “They sound pretty.”
Shenodded, finally giving me a smile of her own. “They actually are, but I mean,I'm kinda used to it now. But anyway, it eventually got to a point where Icouldn't concentrate on anything because of the constant images and messages. Iwas failing my classes, my parents took me to a bunch of doctors, and I wasdiagnosed with ADHD.”
“Whycouldn't you just tell the truth?” I asked, cocking my head.
Andysighed, flabbergasted. “Because the first time I did, they told me I had animaginary friend. The second time I said anything, they told me I was too oldfor that stuff and to take responsibility for my own actions.”
“So,you just kept it to yourself,” I concluded quietly, beginning to understand.“Because nobody believed you from the beginning.”
Shedidn't have to nod for me to understand that was the truth, and just like that,my love for her doubled in size. It occurred to me then that love isn't justthe simple act of being with someone, it’s also carrying the weight of theirtruth and making it your own. Just to lighten the load and make their life thatmuch easier.
