God,I don't know when I'd ever be used to saying that.
Afterleaving Zach and Jenna, I had called Goose and asked what he was up to. Ihadn't expected much, as it had been late, but he was so surprised to hear fromme after months of silence, that he invited me to crash at his apartment forthe night.
Hesealed the deal by mentioning his case of Coca-Cola.
Ireached into the fridge for a can. “Nothin' like a nice, cold can of Coke.”
“Mightwanna pick a new drink of choice,” Goose grumbled. “It was ironic before, butbeing a repeat offender makes it weird.”
Poppingthe tab, I pursed my lips and nodded thoughtfully. “You’ve got a point there.”
Wereturned to the living room and sat down. Goose was exhausted after a longnight at the bar, but he seemed determined to give me some time. And that'swhat happens when you make friends in rehab. They understand the loneliness andthey get that desperation for a connection.
Hewas a good guy.
“So,you gonna win the wife back?” he asked, stretching his arms out along the backof the couch.
Nodding,I slurped the first sip and smacked my lips. “Fuck yes. But … I dunno, man. I'mhoping we can make it work. Iwantto make it work. But my shrink inBoston really stressed how toxic a relationship between two recovering addictscan be. She thinks we'd be destined to relapse because we'd associate therelationship itself with gettin' high.”
Hiseyes hooded as he nodded. “Smart lady.”
Isighed, plunking the can down on the coffee table. “Yeah. So ... I don’t wannaeven say it, but I kinda think she should just, you know, move on. Find someonebetter for her.”
Goosescoffed, shaking his head. “You really believe there's someone better out there?”
Flatteningmy hand to my chest, I feigned bashfulness. “Aw, Goosey. I had no idea you feltlike that about me. Too bad you're not my type.”
“You'rean ass,” he chuckled. “For real. You think there's better?”
“Forher?” I put my entire body into the shrug, slapping my hands against my thighs.“I don't know, man. I wanna say no. Like, I fuckin' love her and we're good,you know what I mean? Like, without the drugs, we'rereallygood. But...” I shook my head, shrugging again. “She had no business gettin' with me inthe first place. That was my fault. I had too much shit goin' on and I took herdown with me. So, now I feel like, I gotta get my crap in order before I caneven think about tryin' to make things work with her.”
Gooseraised a brow. “You think she doesn't have shit to deal with?”
“Shedoes, but—”
“Letme tell you something,” he said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on hisknees. “I had a lot of shit to get through when Krystal got pregnant. I wascompletely blasted by the time she woke up the next morning and she knew wecould never make that relationship work. We were never gonna be okay together.But she gave me an ultimatum. She told me that, if I wanted a relationship withmy daughter, I needed to get my shit together. And you know what I did?”
Mygaze dropped to my hands. “I know what you did.”
“Right.I went to rehab and I got myself cleaned up. It was fuckin' hard, itstillis! But guess what, buttercup? Lifeishard. We gotta work at the thingsthat are worth having 'cause otherwise, we'd never appreciate them.”
Goosewas a big lumberjack of a man, but he had the heart of a teddy bear and thesoul of a lion. He was fierce and soft, kind and hard-working, and if there wasever a guy to admire, it was him. He had taken himself one notch away from rockbottom and climbed his way to a healthy, enviable relationship with his ex-wifeand daughter. And I knew it hadn't been easy to earn his way back into thefamily. But that was Goose and we weren't talking about him.
“Thingsare just a little different for me,” I muttered, tapping the tips of my fingerstogether. “And she and I both have issues.”
“Yeah,you might have to work harder, but if you love her that much, then I thinkshe's worth fighting for. So, make up your mind to let go of the stuff holdingyou back, turn shit around, and prove it.”
Gooseconcluded the conversation with a slap of his hand against my knee. “All right,I gotta get to bed. Gotta wake up early and sign for some deliveries. You canhang as long as you want, but just lock up before you leave tomorrow, okay?”
“Yougot it,” I replied with a nod.
“Awesome.'Night, man.”
“'Night.”Then, as he left the room, I stopped him. “Hey, Goose?”
“'Sup?”
Itipped my chin and said, “Thanks. You know, for bein' a good friend. I'll payfor the wall.” I gestured toward the dent where the ashtray had made itsimpact.
