Istarted it.Iwent in there,Isat on the bed,Itouched his face. I should’ve shown some restraint, some control,but I was weak with worry and fear. I’d been too vulnerable, and I had allowedmy affection for him to float above it all.
Don’t blame yourself.
Hewas there, too. He could’ve pushed me away. He could’ve asked me to leave. Buthe didn’t. Hadn’t I known that he wouldn’t? This past month on the road haddone amazing things to our relationship. But that platonic element? It wasfading more and more with every passing day. I knew howhe looked at me. I’m sure he thought I didn’t—he always tried to hide it—butGod, I couldfeelit.I felt his gaze onme all the time, and it was more than just his way of keeping a watchful eyeover me. His stare was a smoldering fire, and every time I glanced his way, Iwas certain I’d burn from the heat in his eyes.
Mymama had been so worried about the other men on this bus, but she never thoughtto be worried about Chad.
Itshould’ve been strange, to know he wanted me in that way. This was my bestfriend. The baby I took baths with. The kid I had sleepovers with. The teenagerwho unwittingly broke his promise of being friends forever. But no matter howmany times I told myself that this was wrong and weird, I couldn’t deny that Iwanted him, too. And thatin itself wasstrange.
Itwasn’t as though I’d never wanted men before. I was no virgin, and I datedsometimes. But the past has a way of keeping up with us, no matter how fast wetry to run away. And Chad was different.
Thebunk smelled like him. I had taken my own pillow, but the blanket was his, andI pulled it to my nose to inhale the scents of his cologne and sandalwood. Itrelaxed me, and with a sigh, I drifted off to sleep.
***
“Okay,slowly come out of revolved side angle pose, and get into warrior two,” Icoached, exhaling evenly.
“Oh,good. An easy one,” Tess, Jon’s wife, quipped as we straightened our backs andoutstretched our arms. “This one doesn’t make me want to die.”
“Stopcomplaining,” Kylie hissed. “I’m in better shape now than I’ve been in years.”
“Saysthe woman who fell on her face ten minutes ago during crow pose.”
“Ididn’tfall on my face,” Kylie scoffed. “I tipped over a little bit, butI—”
“Shh,”I hushed, closing my eyes.
“Sorry,Sensei,” Tess whispered, and I stifled a giggle.
Forthe past month, I’d been doing yoga every morning with what the guys referredto as The Tour Wives. They were initially a lot less eager than Morgan, but ina month, they’d displayed more flexibility and balance than she had after sixmonths. I was impressed, but mostly, I just enjoyed their company. Even if weusually did our yoga sessions on the side of the road or in quiet parking lots.
Today,though, our backdrop was a lot prettier than the back of a Walmart or gasstation. We were still in a parking lot, but it was positioned on a cliff,overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Most tourists liked to stop here and takepictures of the gorgeous view, but this morning, we were greeting the day withsome yoga while the waves crashed below us.
“Okay,”I exhaled, “let’s turn and get into—”
Abus door opened. “Jesus Christ,” Sebastian exclaimed. “You guys should warn usabout this shit.”
“Goback inside,” Kylie muttered, keeping her voice calm and even. Her breathing,relaxed.
“Weren’tyou guyswatchin’Steel Magnolias?” I asked ina controlled tone.
“Well,how the hell am I supposed to do that, knowing you guys are out here inleggings and sports bras? Jesus Christ, I’m married but I’m not fuckin’ dead,you know what I’m saying?”
“Yo!” Devin called out the window. “Are you looking atmy wife?”
Sebastianscoffed. “I don’t know how the hell you’renot,Dev.”
“Don’tmake me kick your ass—what?” Devin paused. “Oh, okay.Seb!Jon wants me to kick your ass for him, too.”
“Oh,shut up. There is no way in hell Jon said ass,” Sebastian fired back,laughing.
Witha low growl, I stepped back out of warrior two and planted my hands to my hips,turning to Sebastian. “Can you shut up, please? We’retrynado our yoga in peace, and you guys are takin’ the peace right out of this.”
“Seriously,”Kylie grumbled. “Sebastian, stop looking at my butt.”
“Same,”Tess chimed in.
Sebastiansighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine. I thought I’d help with your form, butsince you asked so nicely, I guess I can go back inside.”
