“I’mnottoo sick,” I retorted throughgritted teeth, as a little voice in my mind whispered,not yet.
Shesniffled. “I wish you cared about yourself as much as I care about you.”
Hervoice was warbled, distorted, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I shifted on thebed, moving over to outstretch an arm. She took the invitation and tuckedherself against me, as my arm draped around her shoulders and held her tight.Resting her head against my shoulder, she sighed and mumbled an apology.
“Don’tbe sorry.”
“I’mjust so freaked out,” she admitted. “Seein’ you likethis, not even able to get into your own bed—”
“Youoffered!” I laughed, tightening my arm around her.
“Yeah,”she whispered, “but you accepted.”
Shewas right. I had shown weakness by accepting the offer and admitting itwould’ve been tough to climb into my bunk while I was feeling so terrible. Itwas a look into just how bad things had gotten.
Itipped my cheek to the top of her head. We were so alone in this room, soseparated from the guys in the hallway. This was my chance to tell her what’dhappened tonight, to tell her about the blood. I wanted to tell her I wasbleeding—
Holy shit, I’m bleedinginternally. My eyes pinched shut and Isucked in a deep inhale. I tried not to imagine the pools of bright red, thestreaks of crimson, but they were there, behind my eyelids. Reminding me ofwhat I had no control over. My body was at war and I was the enemy, despite myrelentless exercising and occasional dietary awareness. I was helpless andweak, and all I had to hold onto for comfort was my best friend.
“Molly.”
Shelifted her head from my shoulder and sought my eyes. “Yeah?”
Itook a moment to collect my thoughts and to rehearse my lines. But when Iopened my mouth to speak, all that came out was, “I’m scared, too.”
Mythroat clenched at the admission and her arm let go of Bernard. The bear wascast aside as she brought her palm to lay against the side of my face. It washard to think about how bad it was for her hand to be cupping my cheek. Becausenothing about it felt wrong. Not then, not when I was scared out of my mind.Not as I looked into her eyes and found that everything I wanted wasright here. Why hadn’t I realized thatsooner? And now …
Now,with the remainder of her tears wetting her face and her lips so close to mine,I wanted to kiss her.
Stop this. Stop it. Right.Now.
Iheard the warnings screaming loud and clear in my mind, but above them wasanother voice. Saying that life was short, that I had no idea what the hell wasgoing on inside of my body, and that this might be my only chance. Somethingcould even happentomorrow—who the hell knows what—and I could diewithout knowing what it was like to seize the moment and press my lips againsthers. To show her that I was physically incapable of caring for myself, becauseI was too busy caring about her.
Myhand lifted, and God, I was shaking. I touched my fingertips to her cheek. Solight, I barely caressed her skin, but she felt me. Her sharp intake of breathsaid as much, and I thought for a second that she’d close her eyes, but shedidn’t. Her gaze pinned mine and held me there.
“Chad.”
Myhand molded to her cheek and my fingers pushed into the spiraled strands of herhair. I pulled her toward me, luring, until her chest pressed against mine, mynose brushed hers, and her breath hit my lips in rapid bursts.
“Jesus,Chad …” If there was any doubt at all that she wanted me, it was washed awaywith those words. She didn’t sound like herself, with a tone so husky and fullof lust. “We—oh, my God …”
“What?”
Wewere so close. Only a sliver of space separated us from the point of no return.But we lingered there, at the precipice, as our eyes remained locked in asilent dare. Who would make the first move? Who would shift this bond towardsomething we could never come back from?
Ithought it was going to be her, as she leaned forward and touched her foreheadto mine. But then, she whispered, “We can’t do this.” And with regret lacingher words, she abruptly pulled away.
Icouldn’t react as she stood up and grabbed her teddy bear. She walked quicklyto the door and turned. “If you need me, you know where I am. Try to get somesleep.” And as she left the room, all I could think was,I always need you. I always have.
But I need you most right now.
17
GetFamous
MOLLY
WITHTHE CURTAIN DRAWN, I smacked both hands over my eyes andgroaned.
