GetOver Being Nervous
MOLLY
TENMINUTES TO SHOWTIME,I waited at the stage entrance with my newacoustic electric. I hugged my arms around it and tucked it against my body.Not everyone at the sold-out show had arrived yet, but even with only a thirdof the seats filled, it was more people than I’d ever played in front ofbefore. And I was nervous.
“Hey.”Kylie approachedme,her long purple hair piled on herhead in a sloppy bun. “How youdoing?”
“Okay,”I fibbed, but her knowing glare found the truth. “Imightbe a littlenervous,” I admitted with a worried smile.
“Doyou get stage fright?”
Ishook my head. “No, not really. When I’m playing, I close my eyes and forgetthe crowd is even there. It’s the only place I really enjoy being alone,” and Ilaughed as my cheeks heated from the confession. “That sounds crazy.”
“No,it doesn’t,” Kylie insisted. “Everyone who plays music does it for a differentreason, and if your reason is to be content with yourself, that’s your ownbusiness. There’s no wrong answer here.”
“Hm,”I hummed, nodding. “I never thought of it that way. It always just felt alittle selfish.”
Kylieshrugged. “Not to me. And when you think about it, musicinitself ispretty selfish actually.”
“That’strue.” I smiled gratefully. “Anyway, it’s just that, right now, I feel a littleoverwhelmed. That’s a lot of people out there. And I just keep thinking, whatif they don’t like me?”
Devinsidled up beside Kylie, wrapping his arm around her shoulders from behind.“Then they don’t like you.”
Iblinked, incredulous, and said, “You say that like it’s no big deal.”
Heshrugged. “I’m not saying it’s no big deal, but this business can be brutal.Not everybody’sgonnalove you. I mean, do you loveevery single song you hear?” I shook my head reluctantly and he smiled. “See?You’ll find your audience, the people that’ll support you, but that can taketime. Don’t let it discourage you. Just go out there and be as honest with themas you are with yourself, and you’ll be fine.”
Kylieturned to look up at him, unabashed adoration filling her eyes as she laid ahand over his stomach. She stood on her toes, inviting him to kiss her, andwhen he put his lips to hers, the distinct pang of jealousy bit around myheart. I had to look away, and not because I envied Kylie or that I wantedDevin, but because I wantedthat. Forsomeone to look at me like they could find the world within my eyes and homewithin my heart, and for the first time possibly ever, I was afraid nobody everwould.
Well, who’s fault is that?
Ivividly remembered why I never wish for anything. There was so muchdisappointment in wishing. There were only goals, thingsactuallywithinmy reach, and a serious boyfriend or husband just never seemed tobe in the cards.
“Hey,have you guys seen Chad?” I asked in a stupid attempt to distract myself frommy sudden longings.
“Ihaven’t noticed him around since soundcheck,” Devin replied. “I can look forhim, though.”
“No,it’s okay. I’ll text him,” I said, tucking my guitar between my knees to pullout my phone.
Me:Hey, where are you?
Chad:Hell.
Ifrowned and those feelings of desperation were instantly wiped away. Worry tooktheir place as I typed back:
Me:You okay?
Chad:I’ll be fine.
Chad:How are you holding up? You nervous?
Me:Honestly? I’m scared out of my mind.
Chad:You’regonnabe amazing.
Me:You don’t know that.
Chad:Sure, I do.
