“You say that now,” shecroaked, “but you don’t know what’ll happen tomorrow—”
“Weneverknow,” I cut her off, lifting mypalm to cup her chin.
Her eyes shut to me asshe shook her head. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”
My hand smoothed overher cheek, my thumb dusting over her lashes. “Don’t be sorry, and don’t actlike I can’t make decisions for myself. Ifyoudon’t want this, Tess, then tell me. Otherwise, stopassumingthatyou know what I want, because I promise you, right now, all I wantis you.” And that was the bittersweet truth. I wanted Tess, not Beth, and Iensured she was aware of that with another insistent brush of my lips againsthers.
She gasped like shewasn’t expecting it. I felt her reserve beneath my palm and the tightness ofher features. She was holding back to give me the freedom to decide, and so Ichose to deepen the kiss. I chose to slip my tongue between her lips and learnthat she tasted of spearmint and passionfruit. Then I chose to thread my fingersinto the wild, wavy strands of her honeyed hair. I tightened my grip as mymouth fitted over hers, our tongues sliding in a slow, seductive dance thatfelt refreshingly—heartbreakingly—unlikeanything I’d felt before. I chose to lead us both up and away from the couch,coaxing her toward the open doorway of my temporary bedroom until we crossedthe threshold. And for the first time since my wife had passed away, I chose toclose the door behind me.
My shaking handslowered to the hem of her t-shirt, my fingertips slipping beneath the wornfabric to skim the smooth skin of her hips. She flinched and pulled away,crying out in surprise as her hands flew to cover mine, and I couldn’t help mygrin.
“You’reticklish?” I asked needlessly.
“I don’twannasay yes and have you torment me.” I opened my eyes tofind her staring at me warily.
Laughing devilishly, Istepped forward, moving her back toward the bed. Despite her grip on myfingers, I broke free. My lips sought her neck as my fingers grazed lightlyover her skin, up her sides and over her ribs, and she giggled wildly againstmy ear. The sound filled my mind with life, joy and excitement, and as we felltogether, I couldn’t find a better string of words to explain how she made mefeel.
The tension had gone,leaving in its wake this desperate need for contact and release. Amidst thetangle of lips and tongues, Tess pulled her shirt over her head and dropped itunceremoniously to the side of the bed. A pink lace bra encased her roundedbreasts and before she could wrap her arms around my neck and press her lipsback to mine, I lifted my head to look at her.
I wanted to keep allcomparisons at bay. I wantedthisandI wanted it to remain unsullied, at least until it was over. Yet, I couldn’thelp the memories that rushed back in a dizzy blur as I stared down at Tess. Hersoft, heaving chest and the smooth expanse of her belly, leading to the waistof her shorts and everything underneath. Because Tess was sodifferent. She was so small in herwaist, so full in her breasts and hips, and her skin was a perfect, living canvas,decorated with flowers and designs.
Sodifferent, and so startlingly beautiful.
I couldn’t help myselfas I traced the outline of a daisy at her ribcage, just beneath the band of herbra. “Did this one hurt?” I asked, knowing enough about tattoos to know it wasa sensitive spot.
Tess laughed gently,cupping my jaw. “Yeah, it did.”
“Then, why do it?”
“Because the pain is sobrief,” she explained, grazing her fingertips over the curve of my ear. “Andeverything worth having hurts.”
I pulled my shirt overmy head and bent my neck to press my lips to hers, kissing as though my heartdepended on it as I unclasped her bra. She wriggled out of her shorts andpanties and kicked them from the bed. My jeans were next, and my briefs wentafter. With my eyes closed, I laid over her, naked for the first time in thepresence of another woman and enjoyed the peppering of her kisses along my jaw,against my neck and on my lips. I responded with my tongue, moving againsthers, until I thrust my hips and found myself inside her. Then, I realized veryabruptly that she was right.
Everything worth havinghurts.
And this, moving on …Tess …
She was worth having.
***
“Do you think Devin is a millionaire?”
These first wordsspokenlater oncoaxed her to clear her throat andshift against me. “Yeah, probably.”
“So, you think he canafford a quieter bed in his guest room?”
Tess erupted in a fitof giggles, burying her face against my neck. “Maybe you could leave somefeedback in your Yelp review.”
“Four stars. Great food.Noisy bed,” I recited, and she laughed again. I enjoyed her laugh. It was lightand airy and reminded me of spring. Of new life and fresh beginnings.
We fell again into areflective silence. I fixed my stare on the ceiling and set my thoughts on whathad just happened. I’d slept with another woman, my kids’ babysitter, and justas I was about to settle into what a cliché that was, I reminded myself howTess had become so much more than that in just a matter of weeks. She’d becomea trusted confidant and a shoulder to lean on. More importantly, she’d become afriend, and I reminded myself of why I hadn’t wanted to get too close, right atthe beginning. I reminded myself how I’d been guarded for this very reason, andthat made way for a new truth.
Deep down, I had knownthis would happen and I knew it the moment I uttered her name for the firsttime. And now, it was another strike to the gut that said fate had more of aplay in this than me, and no matter how hard I’d fought it and tried to resist,this was always going to happen. I was always going to end up on this noisybed, with Tess in my arms.
“You okay?”
I chuckled gruffly,brushing the hair from her forehead. “I really hate when people ask me that.”
