“You’reallmy princesses,” Jon said, fightingthe curve his lips desperately wanted to take. “But it’s not time for bouncing.It’s time for reading,” he lifted the book from his lap, “andit’s time for sleeping. Now, lay back down.”
They listened well—theyalways did—and scurried back under the blanket. Jon unleashed his smile andthanked them before resuming the story. Milo and Tock were finally meeting thePrincesses Rhyme and Reason, after a long and tiresome journey in an electrictoy car. I listened intently, feeling more and more smitten with every changeof his voice, every animated wave of an arm or wriggle of his fingers. Iremembered my grandmother and her passionate love for reading, the way she’dread to me in a similar way when I was a little girl. I missed her, the oldher, and I wondered where she’d gone. If she was still in there somewhere.
Jon closed the book andShelly nearly cried. “No!” she shouted. “One more!”
“Shelly-belly,” hereprimanded gently, “there’s only two chapters left.”
“So?”
“Then it’ll be over,”he explained.
“But we can startagain,” she argued.
Something in what shesaid creased the space between Jon’s brows. His lips pursed as he slowly closedthe worn bookmark between the pages and laid the much-loved book in his lap.His gaze dropped to the floor and his head bobbed in a solemn nod.
“Princess of PureReason,” he muttered as his lips spread into a small, nearly sad smile.
Without another word,Jon slipped the book into the bag he’d brought for the girls’ clothes. He stoodfrom the chair and leaned over the bed, pressing a kiss to each of theirforeheads, as I took the moment to stand and head to the door.
“Daddy?” Shelly askedbefore he could leave the side of the bed.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Is Tess yourgirlfriend?”
Startled, I took a stepbackward into the lit den, as Jon choked and sputtered. “Oh, uh … well …” Hewas hesitating, and I couldn’t help but speculate why, as my heart jitteredwith anxious excitement and nerves. “Tess is myfriend,” he finally clarified, a hint of uncertainty lingering inhis voice.
“I want her to be yourgirlfriend,” Lilly confessed.
“Me too,” Shellymumbled through her pout, corroborating with her sister.
“Me too,” Annabelparroted.
Clearing his throat,Jon shifted his gaze from the bed to me, standing frozen in the doorway. Hesighed, long and exasperated, and said, “Girls …”
“She made you better,”Shelly nearly shouted.
All I wanted was to bewanted, andtheywantedme. I broke free of Jon’s unrelentingstare and hurried from the doorway to practically launch myself at the couchand bury my face in my palms.
Jon muttered somethingI couldn’t hear and then, “Come on, ladies. Tell me you love me and tell megoodnight.” And one by one, they answered, a lingering disappointment in eachof their voices.
He left the room with aburdened sigh and kept the door open by only a few inches. I didn’t dare lookat him as he approached. I didn’t want to witness the disapproval in his eyesor on his lips. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“Jesus,” he grumbled,dropping down beside me. He sat close on the adjacent cushion. I wondered if itwas intentional or simply where he’d landed. “They’re already making my lifedifficult.”
“Huh?” I asked weakly,braving the chance totake a lookat him. The heels ofhis palms ground into his eyes, his head tipped back against the couch. “Whatdo you mean?”
Dropping his hands tohis thighs, he shook his head. “It’s just something that’s been on my mindtoday.”
“Okay, so talk to me,”I encouraged, allowing my nerves to unravel as I shifted to face him.
He shrugged beforesaying, “I keep thinking about the future and what it’s going to be like forthem to grow up without a mother. I mean, I can handle this part. Barely, butI’m doing it. But, girls like talking to their moms. Dads don’t know anythingabout shopping for bras, or what, uh, you know … whattampons to use.” He visibly shuddered and I couldn’t help but laughlightly. “What am I going to do when we get there? I’m already struggling justto get their hair done in the morning. What am I supposed to do when one ofthem gets their period and I don’t know what to do for her?”
“Kids adapt, Jon.You’re playing the role of both parents, and I’m sure that means they’ll cometo you when they need to talk to someone.”
“Yeah,” he scoffed,rolling his eyes. “That’s exactly what a teenaged girl wants. To tell her oldman she needs birth control pills.”
“Jon,” I leveled,glaring at him with a look that I hoped told him to knock it off. “They will ifthey have to.”
