“I ask Santa for u-cornfor Christmas.”
I couldn’t help myselffrom chuckling, despite the relentless lump of emotion blocking my throat. “Oh,yeah?”
“Yep. Iwannapink one.”
It was the dumbest,most inconvenient moment to feel so emotional. But God, I wished so badly Icould be three again. I wanted to believe in Santa Claus and to ask him forpink unicorns, dollhouses and princess dresses. I wanted to do anything but layin bed at night, in my grandmother’s empty house with a cat who was only juststarting to sort of like me, wishing that the man I loved would forgive me andlove me back.
I had known all alongwhat could happen when he discovered what I’d been writing, and, actually, hetook it better than I thought he would. He’dlet me keep my job. He’d remained civil. It was more than I felt I deserved,even if Tim kept insisting that Jon was overreacting. But the fact remained, Ihadused Jon. I tookhisheartbreak,hislife, and applied them tomystory without his permission.
While he had become agood friend, Tim still couldn’t understand why I had accepted the offer to keepmy job. He felt it was torture to constantly remind myself of the man I hadloved and lost. But the thing was, I didn’t only love Jon. I loved his daughters,too.
And now, he was takingthem away.
I held a hand over mymouth, encouraging my emotions to keep themselves at bay.
“Tess!”
“Yeah, honey?” Iresponded,my voice choked.
“What youaskin’ Santa for?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Ishrugged, gripping the steering wheel. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“But Christmas coming!”she exclaimed dramatically, thrusting her hands out for emphasis. “Youneedaask forsomething!”
“I’ll think about it,okay?”
Satisfied, Annabelsettled into her car seat, looking out the window as we drove through theentrance of the Christmas light display. Multicolored drummer boys and elveslit either side of the road, leading us to the first big attraction, Santa’sworkshop. From the backseat, a wide-eyed Annabel oohed andahhedover the animatronics as they climbed ladders and wrapped gifts, while Iwondered how the hell itwas already Christmas.
Since adulthood had mein its grasp, time always seemed to fly, but this year had been particularlycrazy. Just a year ago, I had agreed to move into my grandmother’s house, tokeep an eye on her while being granted the time to write my book. Over thecourse of twelve short months, I had watched my grandmother’s deterioration,and experienced her passing. I had met a man and his little girls, fell inlove, and had my heart broken. I struggled my way through writing a book and notonly finished but published it.
And at that thought, Iactually smiled.
With Jon’s reluctantencouragement, I did finish the book, and then I edited it until it was evenless a work of fiction. I called Tim for the first time since Grandma had diedand asked if he’d care to beta read for me, to which he was perhaps a littletoo enthusiastic. When he’d called in tears, to tell me I needed to “publishthe damn thing right now,” I had found myself a reputable editor.
Thanks to a bit of myinheritance from Grandma, I was able to self-publish my first book,Tell Me Goodnight. I hadn’t expectedmuch from the release. I certainly wasn’t expecting to hit any bestseller listswith my debut novel, and I haven’t since publishing a week ago. But I’ve had amodest amount of book sales and the reviews are coming in, most of which arefull of praise, and it feels like a beginning. A solid one.
I wished Grandma couldsee me now, and with that sad little thought, “Have Yourself A Merry LittleChristmas” began to play through my car speakers, and I bit my lip at themelancholy lyrics.Through the years, weall will be together, if the fates allow…
Shit. Iblinked back the tears, staring ahead at a sparkling abominable snowman. Imissed my grandma so much I could taste the pain. I missed herFamily Feudobsession and her Elvist-shirts. I missed her advice.
Maurysays he’ll need some time.
My eyes narrowed at theyeti, climbing a ladder to place a star at the top of a tree. Grandma had saidsomething about Grandpa liking Jon, hadn’t she? And that he’d need some time,that he’d be shaken … There was absolutely no way she could’ve been talkingaboutthis, could she?
I pulled my phone outand quickly tapped out a message to Tim.
Me: Hey,can I call you later?
Tim:Honey, you never need to ask.
***
“Tess! Look!”
Walking into theapartment with a sleeping Annabel in my arms, I was immediately bombarded bytwo very excited little girls, cupping their hands behind their ears toshowcase their new, sparkly earrings. I raised a finger and walked into theirroom to lay Annabel on her bed, and after returning to the living room, I gaveLilly and Shelly my full attention.
“Wow, look at you!” Icrouched to the floor and took a closer look. “They’re so pretty!”
