Iwas tempted,sofucking tempted, to turn around and kick his ass. But, Icouldn’t take my eyesoff ofher. Afraid of what shemight do if I stopped looking.
“Ididn’t do anything,” I stupidly defended myself, and she scoffed, the tearswelling in her eyes.
“Thehell you didn’t, Devin. I just fucking watched you!”
Iknew she had, but a foolish part of me still hoped she hadn’t. “I was proving apoint. It wasjusta little weed.”
Sebastianchimed in. “Seriously, Kylie, it’s not a big deal. He didn’t—”
Kylieshook her head and opened her mouth again, her lower lip trembling fiercely. “Ibet you did this on purpose,” she whispered, unable to raise her voice throughthat barricade in her throat. “I bet you did this, so it would be easier onyou.”
Ishook my head. “Baby, what … what are you talking about?”
Shepulled in some air, sniffling into the deathly quiet room. “You … you knew Icouldn’t stay, so you had to go ahead and do theonething that youknewwould break my fucking heart. Does that make it easier to let me go, Devin?”
Andwith that, she wrenched herself away from my gaze, leaving me standing in themiddle of the room, dumbfounded and shaking. She stormed the dressing room,ignoring Ty’s startled questions of what happened, she grabbed her bag andleft. Quietly crying and in a hurry, she headed for the backstage door,pressing her weight against it, and I left the spell of my stupor.
“Kylie!”I shouted. “Where are you going?”
“Home,Devin,” she said. “I’m going home, and you have my permission to do whateverthe fuck it is you want to do. You’re free to live your dreams however you seefit.”
“Idon’t even know what that means,” I admitted, thoroughly confused. Robbietittered with his high-pitched giggle again and I whirled around on my heel,pointing my finger at him and shouted, “Shut the fuck up, Robbie!”
Ihadtookmy eye off her, and the backstage doorclosed.
“Sonof a bitch …” I stalked forward, pushed the door open and caught her in theparking lot. I grabbed her, forgetting my own strength and pulled her into me.She nearly tripped, almost fell, and I gripped her shoulders, steadying her asI apologized profusely. “Sorry, sorry …”
“Devin,please just let me go,” she said, her arms slack at her sides. “Please.” Icaught sight of her eyes underneath the parking lot lamps, glimpsed the murkyblue shadowed with exhaustion. Sadness.
Mychest heaved. My chest hurt. “I … I don’t know how to do that.”
“You’regoing to have to try.”
“Butwhy?”
Sherolled her eyes up to the bricked exterior of the venue. “Devin, it’s just …it’s just that we can’t have everything. We’re notallowedto haveeverything.”
“Idon’t fucking understand.”
“No,you don’t, because you’ve never lost anything before.”
Myhands pushed into my hair. “Why the fuckareyou doingthis to me?”
“Whydid you smoke that weed?”
“What?”
“Whydid you do it?”
“BecauseI wanted to prove to Robbie that I’m not—”
“What?That you’re not him?” She shook her head sadly. “Babe, if you wanted to provethat,you wouldn’t have done it.”
“Iwanted to show him that it doesn’t make him fucking cool,” I shot back,suddenly defensive and feeling like a child.
“Andproving something like that, doesn’t makeyoucool either,” she hissed,glaring up at me.
“Idon’t know why this is a big fucking deal to you,” I argued. “It’s just alittle fucking weed. I don’t evenfeelanything right now.”
