PROLOGUE
2006
“So. How’s life,kiddo?” Dad wrapped an armaround me as I sat on the basement couch with him. “I feel like it’s beenmonths since you’ve been around here.” He felt that way because it had been.
“Yeah,I know Daddy,” I said, fidgeting with my shirt. “I’ve been really busy.”
Henodded erratically. He was sweating, and his nose was running.
Hewas using again. I could tell.
“Oh,right, right, right. I know.” He patted my shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’mso proud of you, you know that?”
Inodded, smiling. “I know.”
“Damn,”he continued, tipping his head back against the couch. His chest rapidly liftedand fell with his breath. “I can’t believe my baby girl is going to be acollege graduate next year. I can’t believe that, one day soon, you’re going toopen your very own coffee shop and make your old dad the meanest Frappalatte,or whatever the hell they call those things.”
Ilaughed. “It’sFrappuccinoDaddy, and I won’t be making that yuppy crap.You know that.”
“Yeah,”he said, staring at me through half-hooded, dilated eyes. “My little girlwouldn’t sell out like that.”
Hepulled me down to nestle against his shoulder. “So, come on Ky … tell your oldman what’s been going on in your life. What’ve you been doing? How’s Brooke?Been to any wicked parties lately? Do you have aboyfriend?”
Thequestions dropped on top of me rapidly as he speed-talked his way through theverbal barrage. I swallowed, making a note to ask Mom why the rehab hadn’tworked—again. If we should find somewhere new for him to go. If we should chainhim to their bed and never let him leave. Ever.
Ifmaybe, just maybe, we should let it get the best of him.
Butthen I smiled, relaxing against him at the thought of his last question. “I didmeet a guy.”
Dadsqueezed around my shoulders. “Ooh,” he teased. “What’s his name? Howlong have you been dating? When do I get to meet him? Tell me, tell me, tellme.”
“Well,”I said, shrugging and suddenly bashful, “his name is Devin, and he’s not—”
“Devin,huh?” Dad nodded his approval. “I like it. What’s his last name?”
“Uh,O’Leary, but—”
“O-Lear-y,”he said slowly, enunciating the syllables, scrutinizing as though he coulddiscern his character by the sound of his last name. “He’s got the luck o’ theIrish, does he?” he asked in the worst accent I’d ever heard, and I laughedwith a roll of my eyes. “Is he a short little Leprechaun?” he teased.
Atthat, I guffawed and shook my head. “OhGodno. He’sfreakin’tall. Like, six-foot-five or something.”
“Whoa,”Dad said, suddenly serious. “That’s a tall guy you got there. Does he take careof you?”
Ithought about the year of friendship I’d spent with Devin. The weekly movienights, the talks, the walks around campus and the songs he played on his oldguitar. The time he rescued me from that jerk at the party that started it all.And I smiled, letting my mind focus on the memories. On the silver liningsagainst the persistent and dark, stormy clouds in my life.
“Yeah,Daddy, he’s a really good guy,” I said nodding, not having the heart to tellhim that he wasn’tactually myboyfriend. Dad seemedso excited, that I’d finally found someone nice and good to call mine, so, Ilet him believe it.
“That’sgood,” he said, nodding. “That’s really good. You deserve a good guy, honey.Not like your old dad.”
Mylipstwitchedand my eyebrows drooped with the impactof the comment. “Youarea good guy, Daddy,” I said, wishing there wasmore sincerity in my voice. “You really are,” I added, hoping so badly that itwas enough.
Heshook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m not a good guy. I haven’t been a good guy fora long time, but … I do what I can, right? I pay the bills. I love you and yourmother. That’s the best I can do at this point.” He was nodding incessantly,reassuring himself, that barely coasting along was as good as it could get.
Wewere silent for a few moments. Me, slumped against my father in his basementden, wishing I was with my friend and not there. Him, breathing unsteadily andfurrowing his brows, the way he did when he was thinking.
“Hey,”he finally said after minutes of quiet, shaking my shoulders. “Hey, I need totell you something.”
Iturned my head to look up at him. “Yeah?”
