“Yup. You know some terms already. Good for you.” Close enough to see specks of gold in his brown eyes, Rock growled, “that means nothin’ on the ship. We go out for six weeks at a time; sometimes more, sometimes less depending on when we can fill our quota. Most men only go out once because they can’t stand to be away from their woman that long. Won’t have to worry about that with you, will I? You hard working? Can I trust you?”
“No, yes, and yes.”
With one hand, Rock pulled a cigar from the breast pocket of his shirt. He lifted the other one to block the sun as he raised his gaze to the top of the boat. A deckhand leaned on the railing and gave a thumbs-up, then flinched when Gus raised his eyebrows.
“We leave in one week. Need to give the boys a break. See you here Wednesday.”
“But it’s Friday. That’s not a week.”
“We stock the ship for two days before we push off, greenhorn.”
I PUSHED MYglasses up my nose and took in my surroundings as I waited for the rest of the crew to arrive. On my way to the pier, I stopped by the secondhand store and picked up a couple of dirty sweatshirts and some rubber boots. I checked out of the motel and waved to the circle of men who shared a bottle.
No one knew my history, so I could be anyone I wanted to be if I remembered my lie this time. The crew wasn’t aware of what had happened in my past life, and I didn’t need to tell them. They had no idea I had spent four years in juvy, or that I had basically been homeless my entire adult life. They were leery anyway.
“I’m Freddie,” the first to arrive had his hands full, so he nodded instead of offering one. “What’s your name?”
“Jake, but my friends call me Moose.”
“Nice to meet you, Jake.” He shoved a box into my chest and nodded to the ladder. “Rock told me you’re starting today. Got a good crew, now, so don’t fuck this up.” Freddie lowered his chin and studied me over the rim of his sunglasses. “Follow me.”
Three more hands showed up to help and we spent the better part of the day lugging boxes and supplies up and down stairs.
Edward, Chuck, and Mac had all been dropped off by the same person. Chatter surrounded the men as they picked up supplies and helped load the boat. One after the other introduced himself as they passed, as if a new guy showed up on a regular basis.
“Where the fuck is Reggie? Is he a no-show again?”
My legs weren’t as strong as I expected and I tired way faster than the rest of the guys. I sat on one of the boxes to rest and reached for a bottle of water.
“You already worn-out greenhorn? Fucking figures. We’ll have to make up for Reggie as we’re training a useless body. You just wait ‘til we’re in the thick of it.”
I expected to get razzed and prepared for the insults before asking for the job. I blew off the comment. Being the new kid on the block, I had to earn respect and I intended to do just that.
Even though I’m from Alaska, I’m still a cheechako on this vessel.Man, I hate that word, but it’s true.The crew didn’t let me forget it, either. After the first week of name calling and stupid pranks, I kept my cool and pushed myself to focus on learning the craft.
Captain Rock complimented my ability to pick up quick and work fast, which angered one of the newer deckhands. Trapped on a boat with six other guys hadn’t been ideal in the first place. Tension and jealousy drove Edward to throw insults every chance he got.
I just wanted to do a good job and have someoneact like they were proud of me. The other guys accepted me and laughed at my stupid jokes, but Edward had it in for me from the get-go. He glared at me each time I glanced his way and refused to answer any questions I had.
His usual response was: “Why don’t you go ask Rock; you’ve already got your nose so far up his ass you can probably tell what he had for dinner.”
“Stupid fuck.” Frustrated, I turned away. It took him two weeks to break me.
One hard shove sent me sailing over the short deck wall into the freezing Arctic water.
“Man overboard!”
DURING DINNERbelow deck, the crew scarfed down the slop before them and reminisced about the incident. “Did you see him flailing his arms? What idiot goes out on a fishing boat without knowing how to swim?”
“Man, I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes; he could have died. Do you know how many sharks I saw out here last month? Dude. He got lucky.”
“No, Edward got lucky. No one wants a murder on their head.”
“Who would have known? Fucker’s homeless, from what I hear. Probably don’t have no one to miss him.”
I sat wrapped in a blanket; my teeth chattered nomatter how hard I tried to make them stop. Their words registered but my thoughts overpowered them. Ihadalmost died.Why didn’t God let me go? What more could I do in this stupid life that would be worthwhile? Wouldn’t everyone be better off?
I hadn’t ever been suicidal, never thought about taking my own life, but when even God wouldn’t take it when he had the chance, I wondered why.
