“Oh, did that hurt? Are you gonna cry now like a little baby?” Cody didn’t like it when I complained. “Sopathetic. How ‘bout I give you something to cry about?” He squinted as he thought. “Maybe another ‘M’? This time on the inside of your thigh. I bet you’d enjoy the pain.”
“No, please.” Like he would listen to me. Once he got an idea in his head, he rolled with it.
He tapped his chin with his finger and tilted his head. The smirk mixed with his black eyes made me think of a horror movie I had seen years ago. Just like inAmerican Psycho,Cody’s sick ideas made me cringe.
We kept the scissors in a junk drawer; chills ran up my spine at the sight of him holding them. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet.
“Wait! Cody, no. Please don’t. Don’t do this. I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again. I promise. Please don’t cut my hair.” Tears streamed down my cheeks and mixed with the already dried blood.
“Oh, now you’re sorry. What, precisely, my dear, are you sorry about?”
“Whatever it is you’re mad about. I’m sorry.”
“That’s your problem, Kennedy,” he practically spit my name. “You don’t even know what you did wrong. You’re so fucking stupid that you have no idea what to apologize for. How can I be sure you’ll never do it again if you don’t even know what you did?”
He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t know what I had done to upset him so much. I just knew he waspissed. When I didn’t answer him, he made the first cut. I cried out, again, this time in shame.
Silenced by humiliation, I closed my eyes as he made the second cut. My long hair had always been my best attribute; my pride and joy. He took it upon himself to wreck the one thing that made me confident.
How could I be so stupid to think he would like the curls? He bought me a straight iron last year for Christmas and demanded I use it daily. I knew he didn’t prefer curls, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.
WARM SHEETScomforted my sore body. Cody laid behind me in a spoon position. His arm rested on my hip. “I’m sorry if I hurt you; you just get me so worked up. You know how to push every one of my buttons.” His words slurred and his breathing slowed. That was my cue that he was falling asleep.
Thank God. Tomorrow is a new day. He’ll be sorry and shower me with love.
“I promise, we will have the best life. It’s you and me against the world.” Snores rang in my ear in a whiskey lullaby.
After I was sure Cody was in a steady drunken sleep, I slid out from under his arm. The mirror in the bathroom reflected a familiar, yet strange image. A sad, broken young woman stared back at me.
Purple and red surrounded my left eye and encompassed my chin, my nose looked crooked, and dried blood covered the corner of my mouth. The worst of it, though, was the short uneven tufts of hair which framed my face.
“What the hell?” I snorted at the vision of fire and brimstone surrounding me, my husband stood in the center.
Pain in my stomach forced me to double in half. Before I had time to think about the repercussions, a squeal escaped my throat. When I woke Cody from a deep sleep, he usually had words to make me regret it.
Blood dripped to the floor from between my legs and I gasped at another sharp pain. Instincts told me what had happened, and I sobbed. “Oh, no. No, no, no.”
I had wanted to tell Cody about the baby after we got home, but he obviously had other plans.
Chapter 15
Jake, age twenty-two—August 2007
SUMMER IN Alaskahad always been my favorite time of year. Every animal that called this area home had come alive and roamed freely. From behind my cabin, sounds of the wild kept me company. I named each one of the chirps, grunts, howls, and growls as they happened and greeted them with positive energy.
I had become one of those animals. Although my things were stored in the cabin, I camped in the wild more often than I slept in a man-made bed. All I needed was a pack, which contained a small tent and supplies to keep me alive. I wasn’t allowed to own a gun due to my history, but because someone left a loaded nine-millimeter under my bed, I took it into the wild for safety.
Most of the terrain had not been explored by humans until me. The only trails had been created by animals; I felt honored to use their roads. Oftentimes Ifelt as if something watched me—probably bears, moose, or mountain lions—but none of them ever bothered me. Our mutual respect allowed us to live in harmony. Mountain goats dotted the ledges of the horizon, and I longed to see a reindeer.
I had prepaid Oliver for two seasons because I had the money; Mom had left me enough money to live for a while. He assured me if I wanted to leave before the two years ran out, he would refund the months I didn’t stay. I didn’t have any reason to doubt him. From the way I figured, I could find work, either with Pete or maybe at one of the restaurants in the area.
The only reason I needed to go into town was to see my probation officer. I bought a bicycle, so I had a way to get around, but spent so much time in the woods being free, that I didn’t focus on finding work.
While in the wild, I hunted and dressed animals. Cooking the meat from the kill gave me a feeling of being one with the land; I grew vegetables behind the cabin, making the need for groceries minimal. Just like in the Pass.
Fish played a major role in my diet. I rode to the river once a week to catch salmon. Bears usually showed up, forcing me to move downriver. No sense taking a chance that they had cubs.
From what Pete said, fire-roasted salmon tasted way better fresh-caught than in any restaurant. I had tobelieve him; I hadn’t ever had salmon any other way. One fish would last me two days unless he came to dinner.
