BREAKFAST wasthe same each morning; it consistedof cereal—boring Corn Flakes—and a muffin. Everyone gathered for morning check-in at seven am and ate their food in silence. We weren’t permitted to talk until seven thirty, then it was a free for all. Volumes of twenty voices trying to outtalk each other gave me a headache. Another reason for earplugs.
Pete sat beside me and smiled. “I just got word; I’m out next week. I’m so fucking happy I can’t see straight.”
“That’s great, man. Congratulations.” For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why he thought I would care. But, whatever.
“Listen, you’re the only real friend I have in here.”
Saddened that poor Pete didn’t have anyone else, I tried to be empathetic. He wasn’t a bad guy, just a little annoying. Who wouldn’t be in such a small space with all these guys?
“My family has a chunk of land in Talkeetna. I want to give you my number so you can call me when you get out. You can live there in one of the cabins and I can get you a job on the oil fields; my brother is a manager and helps guys like us.”
As long as I had lived in Alaska, I’d never been to Talkeetna; always wanted to go, never really had the chance. Or a reason. “Thanks, man. That means a lot.” I chose to keep to myself; I didn’t think I needed friends. Maybe I had been wrong.
Chapter 12
Kennedy, age eighteen—October 2006
WHILE CODYattended classes, he instructed me to stay inside. No one could know that I was there with him. Cody knew I hated to be trapped, but insisted I not even open the curtains. It drove me nuts that I couldn’t simply enjoy the scenery. His daddy was paying for everything and if anyone found out I was living in the house, he said we’d both be out on the streets.
Without an education, Cody wouldn’t be able to take care of me. Without him, my life would be worthless. Even a high school diploma wouldn’t have made my life better. Like Cody said, I didn’t need to graduate and go to college; he was doing that for us both.
His degree in psychology would take us wherever we wanted to live. We could stay in Alaska or move anywhere in the lower forty-eight. He talked about moving to Dallas all the time, but I wasn’t sure why. Iwould follow him anywhere; he was my future. Without graduating from high school, I wouldn’t be able to make a career for myself, so I depended on him.
Even though the sun was out and the weatherman on channel two said temperatures would reach sixty-five, I knew better than to open the door. Or window. Cody had been so paranoid about his dad finding out about us that he made me a prisoner. Last time I sat on the balcony, I got another bloody lip. Getting slapped hurt worse in Anchorage than Seward; I wondered why.
As much as I hated to admit it, Brittany was right. She said Cody had to be in constant control of everything and that he wouldn’t approve of my job. Even though she was the one who set it up, she suggested I quit. If I was allowed to call her, I’d tell her she was right and apologize for being so hard-headed.
I’d also call my mom. Cody said she didn’t miss me, and he was probably right, but I would still like to talk to the kids. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye and they probably hated me for just up and leaving.
Maybe if I gave him what he wants and act like the loving girlfriend I know he needs me to be, he’ll give a little in return. Maybe he’d let me call home.
Bored out of my mind, I begged Cody multiple times to get me out of the house. I wanted to see the countryside or at least the zoo. Maybe just a nice dinner somewhere that offered more thansandwiches. He refused. Each time a little more passionately.
It took me all day to work up the courage to ask, “how much longer do we have to live this way?” Whining wasn’t my style, but I couldn’t help the squeak in my voice. In my mind, it was better than crying.
Again, my timing was off. I should have waited to say something after we finished dinner. Plates with ham and cheese on hamburger buns sat on the kitchen counter.
“Don’t you listen to anything I say?” A roll of his eyes emphasized his annoyance. “My dad can’t find out about you. He has people watching me. I see his friends all the time. They follow me all over campus and the city. God, I can’t believe you’re so ungrateful.”
He rounded the counter and towered over me. With my chin in his grip, his nose almost touched mine. “Don’t you ever forget where you came from. Your whore of a mother made you follow in her footsteps. I saved you from her and from yourself. I think you liked “dancing” for those men. How do you think it made me feel to hear how everyone in town knew my girl was fucking any random yahoo who paid her enough?”
“I didn’t like it, Cody. I hated …” The instant his fist connected with my eye; my head pounded as if it would explode. I fell to my knees and sobbed.
“Don’t make me discipline you again. I hate making you regret your decisions. And don’t ever talk back tome.” He held a glass of honey-colored liquid in front of me and I took it. I also took the two pills from the palm of his hand. I wanted to stop the horrible feelings of regret and bring back the joy Cody and I once had.
“Now, let’s remember why we’re here. I’m getting my psychology degree so I can get us out of Alaska and start our life together. That’s what you want, right?”
It was what I wanted. “More than anything.” I nodded and smiled.
“That’s my girl. You don’t need anyone but me. Our love is enough to get us through. You’re supposed to be pure and together we can make up for what’s been lost. I can help you redirect your life so we can be the kind of people others respect and hold in high regard.”
His warm hand on my face and the sparkle in his eyes made me believe he would make our life perfect. Soft kisses peppered the bruise forming on my eye, when he backed away and smiled, I knew we would be okay. A sense of belonging and hope ran through my soul.
“We only need each other, Kennedy. You and me, together. Forever.”
The pills had allowed me to speak my mind; Oxy always had that effect on me. “I’m lonely, Cody. I miss my friends back in Seward.”
With his fingertip, he wiped away a tear. “But, K, don’t you see that they’re all worthless sluts?” Hehanded me another shot. I wanted another pill but was afraid it would be too much. My head bobbed from one side to the other and I practically fell asleep during blinks.
