“It felt so real,” I stutter out, looking away from embarrassment.
The emotions are taking over, and I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. Just as I see his hand about to grab my trembling ones, nausea comes back, and I rush out of the corridor.
I know I will never make it to the bathroom booth in time, but I swallow down everything that builds up in my throat, along with the awful and bitter taste of acid. The loud sound of the door opening echoes in my ears as I push it open, rushing toward the first available booth and sinking, pouring my contents inside the toilet. My arms wrap around my body, the waves of nausea adding to the misery playing inside my head. The terrible experience of sleep paralysis and insufficient water feels like it’s slowly draining the life out of me.
My body lurches forward, and tears spring from the corner of my eyes. I’m unaware of anyone behind me until I feel a hand on me, a hand that has been all over me far too much. It’s so intimate, welcoming, and safe.
“Go,” I grit out, slumping against the wall inside the booth.
“No.”
As he sits next to me, I’m annoyed by his presence. Even though I’d love for him to be close by, I don’t want him to witness my current situation and me being so exposed and vulnerable.
“Can you leave me alone?”
Despite my face paling, cold sweat forming on my body, and my shirt clinging to my back, I don’t vomit more.
“I’m not leaving you,” he whispers into the silence, for there is only silence surrounding us and the light tap of water dripping down.
I attempt to avoid him, my face red with embarrassment, yet he grasps my hair lightly and moves it out of the way, keeping it away from the chaos that is me.
“I look terrible right now. Please just fucking leave me alone.” I raise my voice, trying to get him to understand, but all he does is move closer to me. “I can’t do it anymore.”
Memories plague my mind. Since I stopped taking those goddamn medicines and eating the food they served me, memories have piled up one after another. It’s like watching a movie, leaving me with a headache that no painkillers can cure.
“You don’t look terrible.”
His stubbornness annoys me, and I meet his gaze. “Why do you have to be goddamn stubborn? You heard my story, I’m a monster, and there’s darkness within me that will only sink you under.”
That sets him off because I watch as anger flares in his eyes as he stares at me like he can’t believe I just said that. He clenches his fists but doesn’t back away from me.
“You know pushing me away won’t work, right?”
“Fuck off.” I don’t mean to say those words, but I need to be alone, suffer alone, and relish in my own misery.
“Not going to happen. You admitted it yourself, we are the same. The darkness in you lives in me too, and that’s not going to scare me away. So now you either stop being so goddamn stubborn yourself, or we will have some serious problems, little doll.”
His voice is draped with something low and sinister, a calling to the demons deep within me, and his entire body is stiff from the anger he’s trying to maintain. It makes me giddy inside, and I clench my thighs together to relieve pressure.
“What kind of problem?” I ask him teasingly, and he smirks as he sees me clenching my thighs.
“I can just put you over my knee and spank you until your skin becomes flushed red and breaks into beautiful colors. Maybe that will teach you something.”
Oh, fuck me. Just the thought of that makes my stomach tingle with desire. When my eyes close, my control crumbles, slipping through my fingers like sand through an hourglass as the desire to be fucked again takes hold.
But suddenly, agitated voices fill the corridors outside, loud voices ringing and loud footsteps following. The door to the shared community bathroom suddenly opens, and to my surprise, I see a girl I recognize stumbling in. She walks toward the sink, turns it on, and splashes cold water onto her face. Gazing at her reflection in the mirror, I notice her face has become pale, looking far worse than mine did before.
“Jaqueline?”
Grey firmly holds onto my legs, determined not to let me go, preventing me from leaving his side. She whips around, surprised to see us sitting together on the floor. The small glimmer of vulnerability I saw from her vanishes as soon as she lays her eyes on me, and instead, something akin to darkness takes place. She glares at Grey’s hands on my thighs, her eyes burning into me as if she wants to set me on fire.
“What are you doing here?” she spits out, seething as she looks at me, and Grey squeezes my legs tighter.
“Jaqueline, breathe. What’s going on?”
Her eyes waver from mine, staring at Grey instead as her expression softens.Self-absorbed bitch.
In each of her breaths, she seems to be trying to conceal her shaking hands as if whatever happened there caused her to lose her breath.
