“I won’t. I’m sorry.”
I kiss his lips, pouring all my heart and soul into that simple gesture as we embrace each other, feeling safe and overwhelmed by the fire and rage that earlier passed between us.
Chapter 29
Naya
I’m jolted awake bya sudden movement in the blanket that wraps around me, and I feel my heart racing in my chest while my blood turns to ice. As cold as I imagine Antarctica to be, it feels like my whole being will soon turn into one big piece of ice.
There is someone next to me, and my heart cannot take it.
The mattress I’m lying on keeps shifting, sinking, and moving as if someone sat down but changed their mind. Every inch of the room is filled with impenetrable darkness that’s oppressive in its heaviness, it feels almost supernatural, and I’m unable to move. My attempts to move, get out of bed, and run away are in vain, no matter how hard I try.
For a moment, I’m worried that I’m strapped to a bed again, but there’s no evidence of anything leather, and I don’t feel the sensation of being bound to the bed. The dread fills me, causing my body to heave and become immobile.
There is someone inside my room, and I cannot see anything but this endless darkness that has completely taken over. I hear the sound of creaking floorboards, like a chorus of chirping insects, and feel the subtle vibrations of someone moving around the room.
I don’t know where I am or what I’m doing here, but all I can do is stare in front of me, my eyes ablaze with fear. And then, as if a flicker of light has been switched on, I notice movements in the corner of my eyes. A dark, looming shadow stands there, but I can’t move my head. I can’t do anything except lie there, utterly terrified of the monsters in my head.
There is a certain feeling in the room of sadness and despair, but it’s quickly fading into one of chaos and heartbreak. One where all I want to do is scream out all the raw emotions, but I am incapable of doing anything, and the scream gets stuck in my throat. As the silhouette approaches, the darkness in the room is slowly replaced with a bright light that makes it difficult to discern what room I am in.
A sensation of pure terror thrums through me, making my breathing ragged.
The silhouette is slowly approaching, and I can now make out its pale, sun-bleached hair that hasn’t been taken care of. The shadow hangs over me, and I see thick strands of hair drifting down as it hangs over me. I want to close my eyes, god how I want to close my eyes when I see the face. But it doesn’t work.
They’re bloodshot eyes that lack any color but have dark stains and ruptured blood vessels. Although I can see the black pupils of the red mass, I cannot make out anything else. With each breath I take, my chest tightens, making it difficult to draw in air.
The shadow’s nails scrape along my cheek, and a fearful whisper escapes my lips. There is a crimson red color on her face, and half of the area is peeling off any skin, leaving only that hue of pink that flesh exhibits when it’s freshly cut. I want to run from here, need to run from here before the shadow has me in its grip, but it’s too late.
Her mouth opens, revealing her yellow teeth and a smell of rot that wafts out of her mouth. But that’s not all. Something drips down on me.
Drip, drip, drip.
Her throat is cut, and blood drips down.
“Lily.” The voice doesn’t sound human, it’s a whisper, and I feel my body shake, but I’m still unable to move.
The being screams my name, and horror takes over.
“Naya!”
Suddenly, the room is illuminated much brighter than before, and the sound of raindrops hitting the windows fills the room with a calming atmosphere. My breaths are uneven but there is no longer a shadowy woman standing before me.
A muscular man sits on the edge of the bed, his hand stroking my cheeks as he wipes away silent tears that fall. I take in the tattoos that adorn his arms, focusing on the beautiful design that always mesmerizes me as I try to think away the horrible nightmare. It didn’t feel like a nightmare; it felt like a horrific reality, and in some ways, it was. I could not move, yet I could still see shadows lurking in the corner. It was a petrifying sight, and it left me panting.
As I admire the flames inked around his wrist, I firmly observe the eagle encircled by those flames, as the other hand tilts my chin upward to meet his gaze. When I gaze into his eyes, a wave of heat rushes through my body, and before I can stop myself, I’m drawn toward his touch. Through all the time I’ve been here at the Dankworth Institute, suppressing my feelings and denying them, I have concluded that he makes me feel things even when he shouldn’t. He has grown to mean so much more to me than I ever thought possible, and it’s overwhelming. Terrifying.
“It was a dream,” he states, his voice gruff, sounding like he had just awoken from a nap.
With a slight shake of my head, I reply in a raspy voice. “It wasn’t.”
He stands there looking at me, momentarily stunned by my statement, yet I find that I cannot respond. I remember reading somewhere a while back that when you cannot move your body yet you are still conscious, it’s called sleep paralysis, especially during nightmares. I can only assume it must have been sleep paralysis, but I’m unsure why it occurred. All I know is that this place is fucking up my head, and I need to get out of here as soon as possible, with Grey this time.
My body trembles, unable to sit still as adrenaline pumps through my veins like poison I cannot escape. There is a feeling of suffocation inside the room as the walls slowly cave in on me–the well-known feeling of walls crushing against me, causing me to panic. My lungs run dry, my veins dwindle, and my flesh crumbles into pieces so that the only thing I can do is hold on to a thread that will snap any minute now. All the emotions rumble inside me, twirling and twisting in an endless circle, all because of that sleep-like state.
It felt so real, so fucking real, and I saw her. The monster that has been lurking in my mind since I was seven years old, only a small child, and losing my innocence so young. That hurts and makes me realize how fucked up I am. There is no saving me.
“What do you mean it wasn’t a dream?” Grey asks me, and for a split second, I’d forgotten he was even in the room.
