“Thank you,” I rasp out, unable to say anything more.
I quietly take a few bites of Aubrey’s food while the guards are distracted and the warmth of the food fills my stomach.
“You can never trust anyone here, especially not the guards, so it’s good that you keep your eyes out in case they have done some weird things to your food.”
All the patients have finished their meals, and the cafeteria gradually clears, leaving a cold atmosphere in its wake. To my right, I see Jaqueline clinging to Grey, her nails scraping against his skin.
“Come with me, Grey,” she whispers to him seductively.
I watch him from the corner of my eye, not making it obvious that I’m staring at him despite doing exactly that. His jaw tightens, a physical sign that he is trying to contain his anger. I recognize the emotions flickering in his eyes with my own, and I’m not even sure why I am angry. Maybe I’m mad at the fact that she’s so into him and that it makes him visibly uncomfortable, or I’m mad at myself for not reacting. Or maybe I’m angry because I do react but on the inside. I shrug off my feelings and wave goodbye to the rest at the table before stepping out of the cafeteria with the crowd of patients who are still leaving.
In some twisted part of me, deep inside and behind the void where my heart should be, I hope he will come running after me like in one of the short stories I read in the library. I almost wish he would barrel through those doors and pin me against the wall.
Of course, he doesn’t.
One, because he is going to spend time with Jaqueline again, and two, because I know I don’t want him to.
Fortunately, Ray is not with me now, and I turn at the reception to make my way to wing one, which is as empty of people as usual. The corridor is eerily silent as if no one has ventured here despite the number of patient rooms. I walk up to the L-shaped couch expecting to feel Rebecca’s warmth, but instead, there is only stillness. We always meet up at this time of the day, so I decide to settle down on the couch, the cushions warm and inviting against my skin as I wait for her. I’m staying here to see if she comes, maybe she’s delayed by something else. Each day, we’ve grown to better understand each other, and it feels strange not hearing her voice or the calming peace of being by her side.
As the minutes drag on, my body slowly grows numb and I know I must have dozed off, but she’s still nowhere to be seen, and a heavy dread fills my stomach. The sound of a door opening echoes down the hallway, and Mr. Ricci steps out of a patient’s room, the scent of disinfectant wafting behind him. His fashionable three-piece suit, coupled with the shine of his black shoes, creates an aura of danger that sends a shudder down my spine.
Some say the devil doesn’t exist, that the creature is just a myth to scare the population into doing right for themselves, they are raised to believe in the heavens but never hell. Those people would never understand if I one day told them about my encounter with the true devil, or at least that is what he feels like. His gaze, full of intensity and weight, sweeps over my body and makes his eyes look almost black. As if I were to stare into his eyes, I would see nothing but a great void. His eyes are like two glaciers, piercing through me and stripping away my defenses against the brewing storm. They freeze any warm thing left in me, leaving me in utter coldness.
I desperately try to keep my breath steady, hoping he won’t notice my nervousness. As I stand up, feeling more secure, he remains motionless, like a sculpture carved in stone.
His hands are clasped behind him, and I hear the faint swish of fabric as he shifts his weight to the other foot, waiting for me to speak. A cacophony of anger and fear burst from the depths of my being, and every part of me that I can move trembles and goes immobile as the whirlpool of emotions swirls around me.
“Where’s Rebecca?” Surprisingly, my voice doesn’t quiver or break as I speak with confidence, despite feeling my bones rattling inside me.
“She has more important matters to attend to,” he says matter-of-factly, looking at me with those blackened eyes.
His gaze is nothing like Grey’s sapphire eyes. Whereas his eyes make me feel safe and thrilled, Emilio Ricci’s eyes make me feel like I’m slowly suffocating on soil that doesn’t exist. Without pausing to consider, I take a step back, the sound of my own nervous breath ringing in my ears.
“If I were you, I would not look for her. She is to account for herself with the new program. Surely you’ve heard of it.” His words come out slowly and deliberately, like a sage passing down wisdom.
His voice is a stern warning, letting me know that I will be in trouble if I make even the smallest mistake. He has me trapped under his gaze, and it’s as if my feet are glued to the floor. My attempt to escape is met with a wave of fear that renders me motionless, unable to come up with a solution. I seem to suck at finding ways to escape, as I’m still here four months later. His eyes never waver from mine, and it leaves a sinking feeling inside me.
“Yes, I’ve heard of it.”
His body language tells me he is done talking, and he leaves without another word, the sound of his shoes scuffing against the floor. When he is finally out of sight, I feel my body collapse against the sofa, almost out of breath, as if I have been drained of all my energy.
His actions are erratic and filled with unsettling energy. I feel an ominous ache in my stomach at the way he spoke about Rebecca, and it’s as if something inside me begs me to do something to protect her.
Where the hell are you, Rebecca?
Chapter 23
Naya
As the days passed,the weather changed with it, an endless circle of life’s chain, of nature’s chain. November is here, and I can scarcely believe it’s been so long since I last visited Grimhill Manor during the balmy days of July. The chill of fall is unmistakable as the icy wind whistles through the barren trees, their leaves long gone, and the grass has turned from lush green to a dry, lifeless brown.
It’s been a few days since my encounter with Mr. Ricci, and I have spent my evenings sitting on my bed, staring out at the window and into the world outside. I’m losing hope of ever exploring this world again. For days, I’ve spiraled downward, despair growing heavier with every passing moment. Will I one day become like the leaves, too? Withering down, fading away when the wind catches me, leaving no trace of me ever existing?
The decreasing temperatures make it harder to stay outside as it is too cold, and since I don’t own a jacket, the only way to enjoy the fresh air is through open windows. I lean forward in bed with my feet planted on the ground and my arms propped up behind me, feeling the chill of the wind as it grazes my bare arms, giving my hair a static-like rise. A fall season is the slow decline of the year until a lingering death begins, falling from the heights of summer into the cold and darkness of winter, the slow death of the season. Despite this, fall has always been one of my most favorable seasons. There is something so calming about seeing the perfect mixture of yellow, orange, and red in the glowing fall sun. Unfortunately, the weather forecast indicates that winter will begin in a few days.
For days, I’ve eaten my meals with Aubrey and their friends rather than alone in my room like before, and every time, Aubrey has offered me half of their plate so that I can avoid eating my own food. I haven’t so much as breathed a word to Grey, and he hasn’t uttered a syllable in my direction. We sit in the same room, side by side, for at least half an hour twice a day, yet we never speak a word to each other. Jaqueline has been constantly attached to him, and Aubrey and Calvin act like it is nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it isn’t for them, but it’s eating away at my foolish heart for ever hoping for somethingmore.
For days now, I’ve been searching for Rebecca, the smell of desperation in the air as I ask patients and staff if they’ve seen her. And for days, I have received the same damn reply.“No, I haven’t seen her.” “She has more important business to attend to.”
